licking your greasy spoon jukebox playing my tune making out in your room blowing up your balloon playing you like a bassoon but if I only knew where we were driving to I wouldn't have let you fill my tank

WANTED TO STAY UP AND SEE SANTA! WANTED TO SEE AND I SAW! JOLLIER THAN YOU THINK, DAD! JOLLIER THAN YOU THINK!

Second anniversary of our Apple TV’s spectacular attempt to understand me asking for “Hercule Poirot’s Christmas”

Me and who

in the words of Chumbawamba pass it along archive.org/details/ceco...

The name "Popular Science" doesn't mean we shift our coverage depending on public opinion. It means we cover relevant subjects that are rigorously researched, reliable, and grounded in reality. And trans lives are grounded in reality. We see y'all. No matter what. www.popsci.com/science/tran...

I will dedicate every extra resource available in my life to whichever candidate campaigns on scrubbing this illiterate turd's name from everything he's branded using taxpayer dollars

if the mta sold F/M swap merch they'd be funded for the next decade

The kind .. you find … in a second hand store

I guess it's fitting that it's a reimagined, worse version of someone else's artwork

i'm a strong tree with branches for many birds. i'm good for something in this world, and I know it too.

in bar light, she looked alright in daylight, she looked desperate that's alright, I was desperate too i'm getting pretty sick of this interview subpoenaed in Texas sequestered in Memphis

immediately clocked NYC staple Fishs Eddy for the novelty condom

tried to be the robot king and settled for a robot boy

I guess it doesn't matter anyway I don't care about nothin but you

"There's nothing like waking up, feeling like shit and knowing why. Whereas now I wake up and I feel like shit and it is a mystery. I'm like "What did i do this time? Why would I feel like this?" - @heathercampbell.bsky.social on hangovers #getplayed

I put that moment in a box and put the box into a jar preserve it, secret, under lock and put the key somewhere so far Fuck! I thought that I would never find it but I guess I'm good at hide and seek

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…

As the year comes to an end, I'm reposting some of the comics I made this year, including this ridiculous thing.

I wanna sing, I wanna shout I wanna scream 'til the words dry out so put it in all of the papers I'm not afraid they can read all about it

this used to be the kind of thing you’d see in a Grand Theft Auto game as an over-the-top parody of America

and I've spent half of my life in the customer service line flaws in the design a sign of the times

got my @cbbworld.bsky.social holiday ornaments and due to a hilarious defect Ho Ho has a single boob, which kinda feels on brand #HoHo

One time I spent five minutes at lunch drawing a reverse centaur and it became one of my most retweeted pieces of art. I resented that so I deleted it but now it can be free again because not enough people follow me on here for it to go big

At least now when your boss responds to your email with a misspelled half-sentence in lower case, you can say they sound just like epstein

if defenestration is throwing someone out of a window, is refenestration when you throw someone through a window into a building?

more people on less flights is the kind of airport utopia I've always been looking for

love ain't no billy goat love don't got no beard love don't eat no garbage love got regular human eyeballs love don't got satan's eyeballs love ain't no billy goat that's for sure

I knew it would take less than a day for a tiktok dj to make something.

she's got all the friends that money can buy

you think that I'm doing ok that I keep on having my way how could you be more wrong?

I try not to post about this asshole and his cadre of assholes but this is something that every single one of us should be upset about

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white house has joined bluesky click here to block all official us government accounts instantly bsky.app/profile/did:...

Remember folks. The original bluesky ethos by us bluesky elders (apparently I count?) is block and move on. Don't quote dunk, don't pick fights. Block, and move on. This is what made this site unpalatable to the right early on, and we can continue to make it unpalatable to them.

[through gritted teeth] Block and move on. Block and move on.

I love this image.

have been desperately looking for this old erotic Spanish comic I stumbled on almost 10 years ago called "El secreto de Frankenstein" and I'm so happy to report I finally found it

tell me you've never read a Punisher comic without telling me you've never read a Punisher comic

Well don't I feel stupid

work that inside outside work that more work that right side left side work that more inside outside left side work the floor inside outside upside down with more

and every time I'd go back to my apartment all I'd wanna do is get stoned and I'm sick and tired of blacking out on my carpet and waking up all on my own so I brought you home

Hello Friends. I am ecstatic to announce that I have reacquired the entire Spontaneanation catalogue and effective immediately you can find every episode wherever you get your podcasts. Don’t get drunk and fight each other.

and if you see Johnny Football Hero in the hall tell him he played a great game tell him you liked his article in the newspaper

Report: You To Be Fired For Reading This Headline About Charlie Kirk

I know that a lot of people are sad about the Robert Redford news, but for me it's a little more complicated considering he once offered me $100 to sleep with my wife