I feel like the Little Rascals when they tried to get a loan

Jesus, that Sky King documentary has left me like

America Not Sending Their Best to Atlanta: Vol 62840571639

Florida State, ready to report for duty!

I’ve never said this before and it’s unlikely I ever will again, but. I’m proud of you, UGA.

I was coerced into watching The Shawshank Redemption tonight for the first time, and I want to be very clear: FUCK THIS MOVIE. And fuck you for making me @kj1417.bsky.social!

This is more than legislation. This work is personal to me. theonion.com/illinois-bec...

Happened twice today. Scheduled a follow up without needing to get back with me. I like this trend.

what do you call the maxxing of the looks I give you when you get involved in this ridiculous shit?

No wonder there's a "male loneliness" epidemic, they're all so stupid!

I love when a recruiter surprises me with “I’ve already sent your resume to the hiring manager. How’s 11am on Monday?” Cause hell yeah, let’s do it.

i bet this goes crazy if you’re a dumbass

Legal money laundering

Shiiiit. Just drop my elderly body into the ocean after rendering me fully unconscious. Let me return from whence I came.

💯 My retirement plan is dying before I have to retire. I think that's the general vibe for millennials.

Guy who saw your breakup post and immediately gets into your dm's

Make it 6.

Here's the thing... posting a meme about his messianic complex is actually the LEAST offensive thing Trump has done to scandalize Christianity

I'm not religious, but I respect the importance that faith plays in people's lives. Posting an image of yourself as God is literally blasphemy. It shows a disregard for sacred imagery and, by extension, for the very concept of the divine. Trump should apologize.

I cannot wait for it to happen. Party at my house.

Had to do it. Ça si bon!

I must’ve grown up on a different internet, because you can’t convince me this isn’t Carla from the Dorset McDonald’s.

Whoa. What’s with the past tense on hated?

Have y’all heard of Leon Knight Sucks? If you like Prince, Rick James, and this whole era of Glam Funk, you need to! 💜💃🏽💜💃🏽💜💃🏽💜

I did my very first road opener spell tonight. Now I get to worry about what the wax flow means!

Paid a recruiter $300 to rewrite my resume, and in the week since I’ve started using it, I’ve gotten 4 interviews set up. Pls pls pls pls 🤞🏻

I recognize that Rick Jackson is also a POS, but he is really eating Burt Jones’ lunch with these commercials. Goddamn.

Violence is sometimes the answer.

I cannot wait to shower in my home shower and sleep in my own bed tonight.

I just embarrassed myself on this flight by laughing so loud.

Oh so some crazy shit is about to drop

I don’t think I’ll identify as anything other than blue collar, no matter how much I make or move up the ladder.

I often describe my life goal as that one scene in Forrest Gump where he's just riding his lawn mower all day.

Can’t even be angry at the article about where campus protests are now since it’s clear that American journalists are in a perpetual cycle of having their memories wiped every morning and all they can remember when they wake up is a feeling that Israel is hated unfairly

Kenneth has always been the name that gives me the ick. Also, can you imagine moaning “Braden” or “Hollis” or “Atticus”? No ma’am.

This is the place everyone should have realized my brain was wired differently.

I love seeing the other half of my family in Wyoming, but sitting in a house with the heat set on SEVENTY SIX while in the middle of hot flashes is a special kind of punishment.

Bump...

hey if you think you're mad now just wait til tomorrow morning when we find out who all made money off this

Millions of American voters wanted to be villains. They came to believe it’s the key to success, while goodness is weak, woke, loser stuff, done only to signal. Offered the option of unvarnished villainy, they enthusiastically took it. Seeing others suffer more made them feel big. And here we are.

There’s a reason people read the classics.

I was never going to forgive and forget or move on when it comes to MAGA morons, but there was a chance I might grow to be less antagonistic... fuck that, now. There will be no amount of shame or remorse that will preclude them from my open and vocal disdain of their choices... forever.

The US is the only country in human history to use a nuclear bomb on another country. We are not being like Russia, China, North Korea whatever boogeyman country the US has taught you to believe is the villain. The US is the villain and people not knowing that is why the hegemony HAS to fall.

I think people are allowed to draw conclusions about the American people based on their decision to put this man in office bsky.app/profile/pear...

it's terrifying to know that america is gonna do something incomprehensibly evil to iran soon

Armageddon is terrible, but our only other option was diversity trainings at work.

Also thinking about how my neighborhood is basically all college educated liberals who are married with 2 kids and we're the family values party now.

These little golden nuggets got me through many an isolating high school lunch. I still can’t pinpoint what the seasoning is, though.