who making baby shower meatballs tomorrow (today)?? drop the location pls.

oh how i wish niggas could do this in real life.

definitely unsalted butter. i swear it be hiding itself from me.

"i suck at my job and i probably shouldn't have it" is quite the candid admission. you can always tell when somebody has never had to actually do shit before.

i'm on a pre-starvation program like the true savage i intend to become tomorrow.

upon further review, we got too many damn desserts in here. three cakes, two types of pie, a cobbler, and some lemon bars????

lmao, imagine not losing count like a normal person??

[i'm really starting to hate this "trend" and i don't have to explain why]

"figure out" annoys me because the books (all nine of them) are literally right there????????

y'all be smashing these white boys with old school R&B playing in the background and i don't fucking like that.

telling someone exactly what you not gon do, when they aren't used to hearing "no" >>>>>>>>>>>

heavy sigh. hail mary play incoming. rhymes with "partial saw."

literally me, thinking i was gonna breeze thru Intro to Church Music. that final paper had me in CRISIS.

been trying to ignore that "tuna fish in gumbo" post but y'all really finna piss me off

literally none of that is my business but "aye youngblood" would've put a turbo pack in my crash-out.

Jumping The Broom >>>>>>>>> [T.D. Jakes tried to sneak that lil slice of Jesus in there, but it's still such a good movie]

me???? oh i'm just over here SHITTY b/c Brian Kemp got us locked into a fake-Christian Hell while y'all partake in all the dispensary sales today.

and so am i. 👨🏽‍⚖️

it's insane that all these "great business minds" have somehow forgotten this very important tenet. political indoctrination is WILD.

finding out this was on the back of some custody battle type shit???? #they really are more evil than i could ever aspire to becoming.

Dr. Umar's burner:

"can you run to the store for me?" can you produce a 3.5???? quickly.

there are only two people on the face of this earth that I want in jail more than Donald Trump. and those two people are Stephen Miller and Martell Holt.

the real problem in the Joseph family is they didn't have no real ass beaters. Big Mama raised them girls to be the wrong type of fist.

bay leaf slander this close to big back day??? you really are a demon.

to play devil's advocate... Terri was bitchy, pompous, and controlling as hell. sometimes you gotta get your lick back by any means necessary.

if you see me outside in my finest Drake cosplay this spring? do not be alarmed. but Kandi is back on the market & i'm on a mission that's bigger than all of us rn.

we still need to jump Jake Tapper, as a teambuilding exercise. i haven't forgotten.

the white. Tyler. Perry.

Poison The Donald.

curiosity got the best of me on that hemorrhoid storytime vid, and now i hate y'all just as much as i hate myself.

Auntie Fee ain't got no business being dead. I need to hear her take on these grocery prices.

call me whatever you wanna call me, but i'm not sharing my birthday. i still hate President Big Latto to this day for taking half my birthday shine.

the best four pounds you'll ever gain, idc idc idc.

my Twitter password:

i wanna go to New Orleans so bad. i'm *this* close to calling my cousin and throwing some shit in a bag.

nobody wants to go see Wicked with me. i thought there was allyship in this family!

status update: still no ham, but i did win the greens battle. she's doing a tri-mix (collard, mustard, turnip) w/ hamhocks AND smoked turkey. ain't seen a pot of those since 2010 at least.

the two worst people an eyeliner has ever seen coming.

i'd never turn down the opportunity to jump a lame. might even go pick him up myself.

arguably my best era. you couldn't tell if i was doing taxes for a local nonprofit or headed to a Young Democrats mixer. and you didn't need to.

seeing family you haven't seen in a while & watching them realize "oh yeah he can still beat my ass" in real-time >>>>>>>>>

all the Gen-Z kids who have never cooked anything without a fire alarm as a soundtrack are all over social media acting disgusted that prep work would start taking place two days before a major holiday meal. please save me from this Hell. i don't belong here.

Juelz is scared of reading b/c he don't want that flipper to pop out.

me, coming to terms with the realities of Michael Penix Jr.:

the Formation World Tour DVD

goddamnit, CAMPBELL'S???!?!?!??

til the carpet fibers fuse themselves to my DNA helix, dyhm???

James Comey resisting the urge to start that video off with "listen here you weak ass bitch...." is the level of self-restraint i need to have every single day of my life.