that’s nfl players for you. week after week, making it all happen. they can really put on a show

Draft of the recap for the Guardians game in tomorrow's newsletter. Subscribe to Cup of Coffee for similar hard-nosed baseball analytics. www.cupofcoffeenews.com

If Nick Castellanos homers this weekend he is absolutely dead or in a coma

They'll never admit it, but I bet the Conclave's final vote wasn't even close. Probably 25 or 6 to 4

"Ok, tell me, my friendtz: who'd win da game. Coach Ditka, or... POPE Ditka? Ah ah ah but dere's a catch: Ditka gets da 85-86 Bears, and Pope Ditka gets a team of football playing angels!"

"Chicago Pope" is like a 1994 SNL sketch. Airs at 12:20am, the only gag is that Chris Farley has a mustache and is doing a big accent. David Spade and the guest host (Joe Mantegna) keep breaking during it.

Last night the national anthems of both the United States and Japan were performed on a piano that was wheeled out onto the field. I’ve been to thousands (?) of sporting events in my life and have never seen an anthem done this before. It was so moving, simple, and spectacular.

Aarglth. coffee

Musk is pouring $1.5 million into Wisconsin’s upcoming Supreme Court race.

If you see Merrick Garland walking along the sidewalk today help him onto a patch of ice.

Nato Coles and the Blue Diamond Band at Subterranean as part of Windy City Sound Clash II in Chicago, IL. 05/29/2010. flic.kr/p/86XKTm @natocoles.bsky.social @subtchicago.bsky.social #NatoColes #Subterranean #WindyCitySoundClash #WCSC #Chicago #Illinois #IL #PunkRock #Punk #MusicMemories

Last weekend: *all the horses run away* Schumer today: we are joining together to push legislation which will prevent all our horses from escaping the barn...we call it the "close the barn door" bill

The men carrying out Musk's coup are Akash Bobba, Edward Coristine, Luke Farritor, Gautier Cole Killian, Gavin Kliger, and Ethan Shaotran. Make them famous. And, eventually, when possible, arrest them and charge them with multiple felonies. www.wired.com/story/elon-m...

the discourse

“No cheating, your last saved celebrity pic is your therapist.” Oh no. Oh, no no no…

One concrete action you can take to support trans rights if you are a person of public interest like, say, an author, an actor, an athlete, or a musician, is to simply tell the New York Times you won’t talk to them due to their reprehensible and consistent platforming of modern Nazis.

Scrotus from the movie Furiosa: a Mad Max Saga looks like a post-apocalyptic dril, or wint, whichever one prefers @dril.bsky.social

MLB fans mad about the Dodgers: A salary cap will provide parity amongst teams in baseball! NFL fans: (a few seconds of silence, then) …you don’t get to watch the super bowl at my house this year

Going down internet rabbit holes about Robert Palmer and, alternately, The Roches. Robert Palmer covered "New Day Rising" and "Girl U Want." Suzzy Roche is married to Loudon Wainwright III. Also, Robert Fripp of King Crimson produced the first Roches album. How's your Monday going?

For everyone calling for a cap in Major League Baseball, this will be the fifth time in six years that the Chiefs are in the Super Bowl.

As good as anything he’s written. “I can’t remember what it was I came here to get away from.”

While some are saying "Go Chiefs" or "Go Eagles" I'm saying "Go Kevin Hart doing 'the cabbage patch' with a comically serious look on his face in an ad for a neural implant that lets you play parlays and props."

"Born to Runner-Up!"

Well it's gotta be Dolly right?

My daughter lost her first tooth and put it under her pillow. I replaced it with an even bigger tooth. She wants to play tooth games? Let's dance.

ME: sad news all…my dad died today GROUP CHAT: oh no, how old was he? ME: only 69 GROUP CHAT: nice GROUP CHAT: nice GROUP CHAT: nice GROUP CHAT: nice

Just heard the term "Davenport Sausage." What the hell does it mean?

I wrote 2000 words about Bob Uecker which Craig kindly allowed into the newsletter today. Also: you should be listening to The Kinks more (that’s covered in the newsletter too)

I would like to thank the country of Italy for the invention of Pesto, one of the finest sauces, but I must also share my disapproval for their part in inventing Fascism.

Up late at night/early in the morning eating cheese and crackers with my cat Pepper. Kinda zen actually…

Chris Finch is backing the Timberwolves starting lineup, a group that has lacked synergy and juice for much of the season. If that unit doesn't find some cohesion soon, Finch will have to make a move. www.nytimes.com/athletic/603...

I just realized that, based on the crowd shots during the scene where the band is trying to find the stage, Cleveland is going BONKERS relative to other cities for Spinal Tap as doc’d on the rockumentary footage

Right, OK, 364 more days to go

Wisconsin is a battleground state, next question

“Did you know that the first Matrix was designed to be a perfect human world? Where none suffered, where everyone would be happy. It was a disaster. No one would accept the program.”

Just realized we can save America if we all pretend Elon Musk is cool and funny. It’s like the peoples of Middle Earth quietly agreeing to lie to Sauron that his ska band rips so he’ll call off the orcs.

Today is the baseball solstice, halfway between the last out of the World Series and the first pitch of the first Spring Training game

Imagine the way literally any parent would look at you if you described their baby as "tender and mild."

*Werner Herzog voice* now, the Jingle Hop has begun

bill nye’s full name is william new years eve

Everyone I’ve ever talked to who has played Russian roulette said it’s not dangerous.

Rickey was unlike anyone else. A sad day.

This is a real tweet by the Democratic Party and I can’t help but wonder where this energy has been for the past 6 months

This energy was absolutely there for a few weeks in August and quickly extinguished by the Dem consultant class. Now we live with the consequences.

Today's newsletter is free! In it I write about Areando nixing a deal, White Sox news for some reason, the Rays acting inexplicably, Hop Run Tours, President Musk, Democrats capitulating, me being legally bald, and the exact location of the good ol' days. www.cupofcoffeenews.com/cup-of-coffe...

"...Trump pretty clearly had nothing to do with it. After it all came crashing down he waded in, talked shit about the spending bill, and voiced his support for Musk, but it's clear that he was reacting to this, not instigating this. His own personal Rasputin was driving events." President Musk. 👩‍🍳💋

Charles Barkley: the Round Mound of Rebound The guy from Tad: the Round Mound of Sound Fat Robin Zander: the Round Mound of “Downed” Professor Sir Nigel “Big Boy” Davis-St. Barnaby: the Round Mound of Expound Jim “Fat Hooks” Grubechewski: the Round Mound of Impound

Suns ownership interested in buying the Minnesota Twins? Well, sports fans…