Today is Christmas, and the White House announced #Trump received a second peace prize… #StuNews

kavanaugh not beating the allegations that he’s a dumbass

If only we had an amendment to the Constitution that protected speech . . .

"Come on, my wrist is cramping!" said the feds' top black highlighter guy #StuNews

Burpee McPushup Pork RoastBeef Thrust VonTreadmill Nike VanSkechers Ab-raham Lincoln Callous Quadtear Maximilian Protein

Let's come together to prevent elder abuse. @theonion.com

"Don't expect him to be in space with robots."

Make sure to be asleep before Santa arrives. Otherwise he’ll ask you if he can still make things work with Angie. Then you’ll ask “Who’s Angie?” Then there go three hours of your life.

Why do all official U.S. government social media posts now sound like they were written by bratty 7th-graders trying to mimic Jim Jordan?

I've now watched the censored 60 Minutes report on CECOT. If you watched it too—and if you have any decency at all—I'm sure you came to the same conclusion I did: winning elections won't be enough; people like Stephen Miller and Kristi Noem will need to be charged and imprisoned.

A Disney superfan celebrated his 15,000th ride on the Cars-themed Radiator Springs Racers at Disneyland, having documented every go-around since 2012. He's an interesting guy-- he's lost his lunch, but not his virginity. #StuNews

WHO DID THIS?!?!?

LEFTOVER JOKES OF 2025: NFL QB Aaron Rodgers reportedly got married over the summer. The bride wrote her own vows, the groom went on a 20-minute anti-vaccine rant. #StuNews

Two days after their anticipated release, several pages of the Epstein files disappeared and have been removed online. Can someone tell Trump he is not Kanye, and this is not “The Life of Pablo?” #StuNews

BBS "chef leaving the kitchen" music plays

"Oops! I thought they said they were reporting from EPCOT" --Bari Weiss #StuNews

REPORT: U.S. Treasury Department imposes new Venezuela-related sanctions on seven individuals, none of whom are baseball players #StuNews

FUCK THE PACKERS FUCK THE PACKERS FUCK THE PACKERS

ska... good! good!! mmhemhm

“Every record has been destroyed or falsified, every book has been rewritten, every picture has been repainted, every statue and street and building has been renamed… History has stopped. Nothing exists except an endless present in which the Party is always right.” - 1984, George Orwell

LEFTOVER JOKES OF LATE 2025: Saying it desecrates their legacies, the families of several celebrities have strongly condemned OpenAI’s new Sora video-generation platform, where you create realistic clips of deceased public figures. If you don’t believe me, Eddie Cantor is *pissed*. #StuNews

erika kirk looks like the type who would scream WITCH at a random person on the street

Good to know. Everyone's been wanting to know.

If you really believe AI is inevitable, I have a Bored Ape to sell yoi.

timeline cleanse: franky watches the garbage truck pick up the trash this morning

Last week, police in New Zealand recovered a rare $19,000 Fabergé egg pendant swallowed by an alleged thief, with the pendant exiting his body naturally after six days of monitoring. I guess we now have confirmation that Fabergé eggs don't fertilize. #StuNews

David Brooks being in the Epstein pics reminded me he got divorced from his wife of 28 years for sleeping with his 20 year old research assistant, but I'd forgotten *this* was the book she assisted him with lol

Yes, trans rights are human rights!

A cartoon from @altajournal.bsky.social

This story has been corrected

I don't mean to amplify the garbage .... but also I really need to stress here once again that KIDS DON'T GET LOWER SURGERY. That doesn't happen!!! All of these government officials are obsessed with talking about HYPOTHETICAL CHILD GENITALS

incredible that the oldest scam in the book — “look away from the greed and poor leadership that destroy your chance to make a career, it is the [blanks] that stole your job!” — still works

"Okay, let's take a silly pic" #StuNews

LEFTOVER JOKES OF LATE 2025: The Chicago Sun-Times stopped printing the early edition of their Sunday paper. Now how will Kyle Chandler, Fisher Stevens, and a stray cat save the city? #StuNews

Has anyone created a Trump Pardon Recidivism Tracker?

A Christmas cartoon from my new book of science cartoons PHYSICS FOR CATS. In good bookshops and online now: www.tomgauld.com/comic-books-v2

The problem is not having ideas. The problem is that billionaires, are sitting like dragons on gold, on the stolen wealth of ordinary people's efforts - leaving them no time or energy to sit, work through, refine, and implement their ideas into books, music, film, and visual art. 1/

A Kansas City man showed off a treasure trove of Travis Kelce items from a storage unit the NFL star bought and forgot to pay for. I can't blame Travis; he's probably paying for the wedding *and* Taylor's appearance fees. #StuNews #NFL

Christmas night: "But Santa, you've hardly touched your Zardoz cookies."

Rob Reiner either made your favorite movie, or made somebody you know’s favorite movie. If you’re a Californian, he’s also part of the reason you or your friends can get married. He has changed more lives for the better than this asshole commenting on him ever did.

Hollywood is increasingly looking to Saudi Arabia for financing as other sources of money have dried up in the aftermath of Covid-19. Wait: is that why Jamal Khashoggi dies at the end of “Wicked For Good?” #StuNews

Just to add to the Rob Reiner chat, for me the moment when Nigel Tufnel stops midway through an unholy racket playing a guitar with a violin to tweak one of the violin's tuning pegs so it sounds right is possibly the finest gag in the finest ever comedy film.

I am shocked speechless. Thank you for "Spinal Tap," "Princess Bride," and so much else. #RIP Rob

Mel Brooks having to bury Rob Reiner is against all laws of nature and I’m not ok about it