Thanks to the Cloudflare outage, Santa's Village was down all morning. When we went back online we only has wishlists up to 1972. So who still wants a Low Draft Number Ken Doll?

Are you looking for holiday work? Are you willing to relocate? Are you bereft of any familial ties who may start an investigation into your factory and/or polar bear-related fatality? If you said "YES" to all contact SantaCo now!

To all who celebrate #LifeDay #StarWars #comics

Remember last year when we all wrote in our holiday cards "So long, 2024! Here's to a better 2025!" How about this year we just write "Next month is January."

The original name for “The Game of Life” was “47 Peg Kids and Then You Die”

Santa gets very tense Christmas Eve. So if you surprise him while he's delivering gifts that roundhouse kick is on you.

Sometimes Santa will wake up a kid Christmas Eve to ask “What do you think this text from my ex means? Do you think she wants me back?”

To anyone asking Santa for a Home Robot, two things to keep in mind: 1. Do not give it access to knives, pencils, toenail clippings, sharply creased pieces of paper or anything else it will use to puncture your heart. 2. Give it a fun name. Like “Jim-Jim.”

Q. How does Santa deliver gifts if we don't have a chimney? A. Well, if it's an apartment he goes through a window. Otherwise, he just drives a neighbor's car straight into your living room.

Santa's favorite possession isn't his sled or his iconic red suit. It's the shredder he uses on any kid's wishlist over a page long.

Santa can speak every language in the world, but only the curse words. That's why kids don't get to take pictures with the real Santa Claus.

Every time a bell rings Santa got another worksite violation.

For every gift you ask Santa for, Santa will take something from your house of equal but almost certainly far greater value. This might include large appliances and plumbing.

To speed the process Christmas Eve it would really help us if you could keep your doors unlocked, your security cameras off, and your keys in the your car's ignition. Trust me, all part of the holiday spirit.

If you wake up Christmas Eve to find Santa sitting on the edge of your bed crying and drinking, get ready to hear A LOT about his ex.

Remember that one toy you wanted from Santa but never got? We just found it wedged under the brake pedal of Santa's sled. This is why we kept going right off of roofs and into people's swimming pools.

If you asked for LEGO and got Mega Bloks instead, would you be happy? No. Remember that when we ask for keys to your liquor cabinet and you leave out milk for us instead.

Santa claimed an elf protestor hurled an entire tray of lasagna at him. Jury found there’s no way an elf could afford lasagna on what Santa pays us.

ICE says they will arrest Santa if he appears in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. So Canada, get ready to see Santa in your Giant Tiger Uh, Our Thanksgiving Was LAST Month holiday parade!

Santa said the only reason his elves voted against his policies is because all his policies are anti-elf. Otherwise, he said "I would have won 100% of the vote because the elves love me."

Santa said the only reason his elves voted against his policies is because all his policies are anti-elf. Otherwise, he said "I would have won 100% of the vote because the elves love me."

Santa claims doctor tests show he is peak physical condition and has the best brain ever. So maybe this is the year you finally stop believing in Santa Claus.

Santa is now saying all elves need an Exclusive Elf ID to vote. All Exclusive Elf Ids are given only to those named "Santa."

Santa is losing his shit over the fact an elf won in the Elf Union election last night and is citing this as proof elves should not be allowed to vote on elf concerns.

It’s amazing how much work I get done now that I just scream 24/7 instead of wasting time trying to solve my problems.

We are now contractually obligated to tell kids “Santa says hi” to their single moms.

Thanks to this job Santa Elves live just long enough to wish polar bear attacks were more frequent.

Every Labubu doll comes with an agenda. Apparently. They're all cackling evil about something here.

Everyone's getting the same gift this year. It's an eternal flame.

Let's get ready for 2025 #HappyNewYear #NewYear #NewYearsEve

Still time to watch this, with Christmas tree lights reflecting on the screen.

Happy #BoxingDay

Happy #BoxingDay, when Santa stores all the elves in boxes until next November so we can't look for better jobs in the offseason

Happy Hanukkah!

Merry Christmas!!!

From Bermuda to Puerto Rico to back to the North Pole to find every elf drunk and pairing off with various toys.

In Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada. Time for me to finally eat dinner, otherwise known as the Floam I found left on the floor of the sleigh since 1993.

In Nunavut, Canada. Each year we deliver 12 billion gifts. Each year we get seven thank you letters, five clearly written by Santa.

To Greenland. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be life if I hadn't helped Santa move that couch into his van and wound up in a pit on the North Pole.

Deleted Scenes from the "Star Wars Holiday Special"

Approaching Trinidad and Tobago and the realization my eyes are now frozen open and I can no loner blink.

As we approach Brazil I am reminded of the classic poem that I just wrote that goes "I can't take this anymore/Please Dancer/Fly me away."

In Tunisia, known as Tatooine depending on which map you use.

In Madrid, where Santa just asked for my Christmas bonus back because of a "bad investment," which is his phrase for "making children happy."

To Bilbao, where everyone knows the museum but no one remembers Jim. Jim is nice.

To Andorra la Vella Andorra, which is the greatest villainess name ever

In Pars, which after much great turmoil and outrage finally got "Emily in Paris" to move to Rome.

To Luxembourg, Luxembourg, which I think was a character in "Catch 22"

To Belgium, home of Poirot, Smurfs, Tintin , and that bookie Santa tries to avoid.

Now Santa's flying to Amsterdam. Well, directly to the Red Light District in Amsterdam. That part is cut out of most Christmas carols.