oh yeah I’m never gonna die, I’m gonna survive and not exit early *sees bank account* haha 😏unless…

This is how the Postmaster General reacts when Members of Congress demand accountability.  He’s the reason your prescriptions, paychecks, and bills are late.  Embarrassing.

millenial with 25,000 followers: yall this is an important moment to invigorate the working class and build automated socialism for gamers. we can recover from tuca and bertie getting cut. solidarity! zoomer with a cop's gun: the sun rises as it sets. we'll all meet god today

Tucked into the Cass Report, deep in the appendices, you'll find that they reviewed thousands of patient records and found no one who'd been harmed by puberty blockers and fewer than 10 detransitions.

"luckily, i have my notifications filtered so i don't have to see the stupid complaints from my annoying constituents" repulsive

Show them your teeth

Dude literally hand-wrote a manifesto saying “It was the greed, lack of healthcare, and immense pain that caused us” and corporate media’s really tryna pull a “It was prolly the video games”, huh.

WOAH! I don't know if you guys saw Luigi's valedictorian speech but it's actually crazy how he's dropping hints.

happy stylish but illegal ikea monkey day to those who celebrate

@aaron.bsky.team are you the human being I talk to about targeted harassment and block evasion on your platform or do you, like jesse here, not consider me a real person I am not sorry about the blood thing btw. this is not a game. and I do not intend to let you forget that. get your shit together

Coldplay is better than Radiohead

Brian Thompson looks like the type of guy who’s burning in hell pissed that an Italian got him

Haha cool. Why are you letting a pedophile serial harasser talk his shit and recruit on here? Why do you hate trans people?

BREAKING NEWS: THREE MORE BULLET CASINGS FOUND AT SCENE BY NYPD _____ | buca | ——— _____ | di | ——— ______ | beppo | ————

I need someone to photoshop a Luigi hat on the Danny devito “so anyway I started blasting” meme.

im just going to say it: america needs a second year of luigi

I’m very conflicted. I haven’t had McDonald’s in over a year because I’ve been boycotting. But today has got me hankering for some nuggets. I will stay strong, though.

If I Did It by Luigi Mangione coming soon

No where has “No shit, Sherlock” been more apt

Y’all are way too into what the police are saying and doing 5 days later. 1-800-COMEONNOW

yo @support.bsky.team, give Jesse Singal’s gross bigoted ass the boot already, nobody wants him or his creepy lil cronies on here. fuck anyone who doesn’t fuck with trans people

I desperately wanted them to come across a group of LARPers lmao

Get Jesse Singal the fuck out of here

If I was rich beyond measure, aside from all the sociocultural and economic problems I’d solve, I’d use it to make people’s skeets a reality

tried to do a few prank calls on ISIS but the language barrier proved pretty insurmountable. managed to peeve off some government guys though, they were asking me all these pissy questions about my "communications" with ISIS and i'm like, fellas, i don't even know if their refrigerator is running

7’ by 6’ portrait made entirely out of Denied red stamps. By Old_Lengthiness3898 on reddit

The Mighty Mighty DuckTones (1997)

The fact that your leg can go to sleep while you are awake is, frankly, outrageous I SAY WHEN IT’S BEDTIME AROUND HERE

Asking anyone I see with a coat: where were you on the morning of December 4th?

🪿 - KH

NYPD have obtained footage of the CEO Shooter going behind a sofa and descending stairs. "He is gone" said a spokesman. "so are the stairs"

Biden has the opportunity to go out on top with one final pardon

Hey. They said there was a jacket in the bag. We all know what Monopoly money looks like, but are there pictures of the jacket…?

Bashar al Assad

I was almost right

a cloak believed to belong to the shooter transformed into a dozen beautiful white doves and flew away, Authorities said,

He's doing exactly what everyone assumed: already crying for a special exemption from third-party moderation efforts. I hope the Bluesky team enjoys being the personal tech support for a whiny creep.

If they don’t ban sing*l I’ll shit in every team member’s mouth