Ina Garten saying “Let me show you how I made it” would fix me

My kingdom for a grand piano

Don’t speak ill of the dead is about your late great aunt Brenda who spent most of her pension in the bookies and enjoyed a long gin with a short tonic at breakfast. Not about fascists, abusers, and their fellow-travellers.

Healthcare plz

Need more Marcello in a tank top #snl

The candy cane vape!! #snl

Can I say something

Every time. www.erininthemorning.com/p/anti-trans...

It’s so cold in the D

So there is already an ai-generated whitewashing campaign to bury the name of the Muslim man, Ahmed al Ahmed, who disarmed one of the Bondi Beach shooters, and replace his identity with a white guy name and that’s why even a thimble of our potable water powering this tech is too fucking much.

I would like a society to ridicule everyone who thinks a government should be run like a business into never sharing that opinion publicly ever again

TIL the original lyrics to Deck the Halls are awesome and “don we now our gay apparel” is temperance movement bullshit

Sacred Harp

Critics have likened John Gotti’s approach to extortion, while others have chalked it up as a cost of doing business with the Gambino family

How your Grindr message finds me

I just want to tell you good luck, we’re all counting on you

[writing an ad featuring the most compelling reason not to get audible] this is the best reason to get audible

Good morning to Brazilian reporter Manuela Borges, who’s been waiting eleven years for this petty moment. ❤️ 🇧🇷

“A can of Campbell’s soup is standing right behind me, isn’t it?”

Difficult to overstate how profound a failure DOGE was. Spending in FY2025 was not only than in FY2024 – but higher than it was projected to be when Trump first took office.* The little bit of spending DOGE cut has already killed hundreds of thousands and will eventually lead to millions of deaths.

I played this mobile game and everyone there knew you

Marjorie Taylor Peen, is this anything

When you nut, but Olivia Nuzzi keeps sucking

i think most heterosexuals and even some queer/trans people have vastly underestimated the ability of queer ppl to keep each other alive. we are not asking or begging, we are saying ”your laws are meaningless, we will survive by any means necessary and there’s literally nothing you can do about it.”

Twitter and chat gpt are down. Bad day for people who suck.

Cannot watch Beauty and the Beast without thinking of @emmawillmann.bsky.social and her brother/Mrs. Potts

SOMEONE: Fuck you! BOVINO: That’s not very nice. THE MOST MOM VOICE YOU’VE EVER HEARD: Well, are you doing nice things?

NEW: Epstein survivors release the most powerful PSA I have ever seen. Make this go viral so every member of the House of Representatives sees it.

Found the next cursed classical music duo

i’d be more comfortable with the olivia nuzzi coverage if every story was headlined something like “seduced by a guy who eats roadkill: the story of an extremely stupid lady”

NYT describing a progressive who just won an impressive upset election victory: she’s a windbag with no experience NYT describing a disgraced conservative pedo: a wretched young woman ended up in his vicinity and ruined his life

@gianmarcosoresi.bsky.social was right - explaining how an ephebophile is different from a pedophile does make you sound like a fucking pedophile

Pizzagate: If you replace the word “hot dog” with “little boy” and “pizza party” with “child sex orgy,” you will see the lengths these elites go to cover up their crimes. Real elite emails: Send me nude pictures of those 8th graders we abused last weekend post-haste! I am the Ambassador to Turkey.

SCHUMER: Well, I—for one—am touched by this act of generosity. Perhaps one day, all of humanity will know the saying “Be welcoming of Greeks bearing gifts.”

"Go on, human, ask me anything. Except basic math stuff. And putting things in sequential order. And don’t do any made-up riddles to mess with me. Real riddles ONLY."

made this so you guys can stop sharing that AI slop one

pre-writing a devastating obituary for your enemy is god-tier hating of a kind you don’t often see anymore. renaissance haterism. beautiful stuff.

Best closing argument of all time

Rest easy friend

Oh and fuck Hakeem Jeffries and fuck Chuck Schumer

Head in hands wondering how this could happen to me, the popular president who posted a video of myself shitting on everyone 2 weeks ago

on a momentous election day i am thinking of the guy who sent this legendary wrong number text

ive been saying this for years but the last thing i need is to hear more points of fucking view. points of view is how we got into this fucking mess. we need like a 99% reduction in points of fucking view. oh you've got an opinion about stuff do you? stick it up your ass dingus

“Oh poor people can buy popsicles with food stamps” shut the fuck up the government gives perverts a trillion dollars in government money each year for pervert factories for billionaires the fucking popsicles are none of your fuckin business

On DHS’s unauthorized use of Norman Rockwell’s paintings across social media, an op-ed from our family today in @usatoday.com www.usatoday.com/story/opinio...

Prince Andrew to join Harvard's Institute of Politics.