Paddington nearly ran me over. I was crossing a road when a car screeched to a halt and Michael Hordern was at the wheel. My brain told me not to stop and wave at Paddington but it was a close run thing.

I lent my umbrella to Andy Serkis.

Hand to You Know Whomst, this is someone’s FB profile photo, and it’s the funniest thing I’ve seen all day.

Does anyone ever get sad about not being able to know what happens in future history after you're dead? No? Just me?

Misread TV schedule 'AFCON live' as 'GAFCON live' and was much bemused. #niche

How long until we learn he has a history of DV, do we think? Less than a week? Because there's no way that's *not* going to happen.

WANT

...I think these are excellent wellness goals for everyone, actually.

The definitive version. #TOTP

Watching West Side Story. I'm not criticising, but I've got to think that having your super secret romantic meeting on a NY fire escape (and singing your hearts out) has got to be the least discreet location possible.

A small fluffy dog wearing his special sequinned bow tie, wishes you all a very happy and peaceful Christmas* week. *Other festivals may apply

Finally, science does something good

Best. Tweet. Ever!

Shouting "yes. ahaha. fuck off" as I send my last email of the year.

“Be sure to set me to ‘delicate,’ Alison. It’d be a shame to ruin that sweater, you know, in case it ever comes back in style.”

What’s purple, round and bad at cooking? Alfred the Grape.

Please, someone send me a treat. I am reduced to yoghurt and granola.

12 dead at the start of Hanukah - this is an ancient hatred, alive and well in the world today. Sending love to everyone who celebrates Hanukkah, and especially to those in Sydney mourning these horrible deaths. May their memories be a blessing.

Utterly horrific violence, just so appalling www.theguardian.com/australia-ne...

SKULL OF THOMAS AQUINAS: TAKE A LEFT NOW PRIEST: No, the GPS says we have to keep going— SKULL: I KNOW A SHORTCUT PRIEST: Do you remember the last ti— SKULL: FOR THOSE WITH FAITH, NO EVIDENCE IS NECESSARY; FOR THOSE WITHOUT IT, NO EVIDENCE WILL SUFFICE

I'm not one to judge, but the slowness of my parents' kettle is distinctly un-British.

Thanks Sean, it's this. www.crowdfunder.co.uk/p/86e1e73e29...

Who has made this 🤣

I'm just glad there's finally peace across the Fédération Internationale de Football Association

I live in Wales and today received my Join Us letter from Reform UK, complete with SAE which I posted back to them, immediately, empty. If every other person in Wales did this, Reform would spend over £1.5 million on postage. Not sorry. Join me Cymru.

Parents finally have a new, functional fridge. A shiny gold sticker for the correct guess: how many litres of Campari are currently chilling?

It actually literally took my breath away to read this. He was in his thirties here. HIS THIRTIES. The past is indeed another country, with very different kinds of aging.

NEW on Wonkhe: For Orian Brook, having multiple jobs isn't a sign of a failure to get a career in the creative economy but a key component of making such roles livable buff.ly/K1x4B3q

The emergence of Molly, who takes winter very seriously.

Inspirational

visiting family day 4: i have disassociated to the point where i am now part of the cosmic background radiation

I named my fists Common and Sense because I'm about to bring the Paine

I named my fists Pride and Prejudice, because it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of two fists must be in want of whupping ass

Today's inspirational message:

Treasure.

And now for some of my very favourite Smol Paul moments in no particular order, starting with the first ever yeet

Everyone stop, this is important

So Judas, the Betrayer. Sounds right.

Tom Stoppard once laughed at a joke I made, so tonight is especially hard for me.

Gogglebox and the horrid 'nutty' couple weeping over 'normal people'. 1) pipe down 2) have they looked in the metaphorical mirror lately?

Applause please: I just recycled a nice small box that could have been useful

"culturally coherent"? Fuck all the way off, you wannabe-Farages

Annual joke about Thanksgiving: I too thank God for getting away from Plymouth.

how else will i know if my kid's a witch?

Pure art.

I make each of my flower necklaces by casting real flowers in silver incl snowdrop & bluebells. I also hand-sculpt much-loved bird species to make wearable versions incl wrens & blackbirds 20% off my jewellery atm with code TINYOWL20 Cut off day for🌲orders is Tue 25 Nov: www.etsy.com/uk/shop/silv...

Yeah, there's no way that's all for his personal use

Every time I hear a politician say that an issue is “dividing” this country they always then come down on the side of the right wing view of it. Just once I’d love to hear someone say “this issue is divisive, which is why I’m making the argument that kindness and compassion is important”