solar is so cool man. I climbed up on my shed roof last week and installed a panel to charge my yard tools and now I’m mowing my lawn with power I stole from a fucking star

What's wrong with a divided country? Are we all supposed to have the same opinions? The issue is the people in charge keeping listening to the people with shit ones

Just finished Thirst by John Robins. An unflinching and compelling memoir about alcoholism and recovery which is also very funny at times. He captures the false joy and thudding horror of addiction brilliantly. Honest, uncomfortable and brave - like his best comedy.

If we ever have another referendum on the EU, the options should be: REMAIN outside of the EU and LEAVE isolation and join the EU

I’ve got a small role in another Netflix drama coming out soon as well. Can’t keep me off the screen! (For about 30 seconds at a time)

Nice to be taking a job away from AI for once!

🇪🇺 NEW EPISODE 🇪🇺 Guess what’s back? Brexit’s back. But is rejoining the EU just a way for Streeting to snooker Burnham in Makerfield… or is it something real? 🇪🇺 Listen up linktr.ee/ohgodwhatnow...

Thread of incomprehensible excerpts from the EHRC’s new guidelines on single-sex spaces. No alt text in thread unfortunately, but there is a link to the guidance itself. The amount of bother involved in all of this, turning a thing that wasn’t a problem into a massive problem for lots of people 🤦🏻‍♀️

Falling immigration numbers offer chance to reset debate and ask how and why people coming to the UK and leaving it changes all our lives. Scream at me all you want but I refuse to ignore the facts in favour of anyone’s divisive fiction and will keep speaking up for a better way forward for all.

This government’s defining quality is cowardice and now it has wobbled its way to a policy that 10 years ago was confined to the most extreme Republicans. Shameful

🔥 SPRINGSTEEN: "I’m here to support Stephen Colbert, the first guy who lost his show because a president can't take a joke - and the Ellisons feel they need to kiss his ass… small-minded people with no idea what freedoms of this beautiful country are supposed to be about." 🇺🇸

Well that Granta story is certainly…written…isn’t it? So many sentences that made me go: “huh”? The one that really sticks out is: “Water is jealous”. Is it? granta.com/the-serpent-...

Fun to be in Islington just as Arsenal won the league! The chanting and car horns were immediate and I imagine they’ll go on all night. I remember the last time it happened 22 years ago I lived in a flat just off Upper Street and watched the victory parade. A lot has changed since then!

Really enjoyed @rosieisaholt.bsky.social’s new play Churchill’s Urinal at @kingsheadtheatre.bsky.social tonight - really funny with some great topical jokes and unexpected twists. See it in Islington or at @edfringe.bsky.social in August!

Will any adult currently alive get a chance to travel on HS2? I'm beginning to have my doubts

Brexit is the UK's political zugzwang. No politician can move because of it. They all know they're stuck. But there's nothing that can be done. www.theguardian.com/politics/202...

Brexit increasingly resembles a form of necropolitics through which the will of the living is outweighed by the will of the dead

Do you need a visa for London? Recorded live at The 99 Club

This is such a stupid argument. Of course what was going on in Wigan in 2015 wasn’t great which is why many people voted Brexit. But Brexit has made things worse, like cutting off your arm to cure pneumonia.

My prediction: the UK government puts in a bid for the Olympics in the north of England, but then at the last moment changes it to taking place between Birmingham and Old Oak Common.

Just finished Imperfect Women on Apple TV - a satisfyingly twisty murder mystery drama in the mould of Big Little Lies and The Undoing. Strong acting, lots of twists and it sticks the landing. Worth a watch.

Why do all vape shops have such bright lighting? Does vaping make you lose your sight or are they all moonlighting as photography studios when I’m not looking?

At a party last night someone asked me if I ever have bad gigs now. I said not very often but added that by saying that I’d probably jinxed myself. And boy did tonight’s gig deliver on that jinx. By no means the worst gig I’ve ever had but the crowd was small and hard to warm up. Lesson (re)learned.

Would be really funny at this point for Andy Burnham just to go: nah, I’m good actually - Makerfield looks a bit tough tbh

Fundamentally, a lot of the problems in British politics comes from a political generation being forced to do something they think is a bad idea, to appease voters they think are wrong with beliefs they don't really understand.

Exceptional artwork for the latest OGWN.

Tony Blair sits looking at his phone. Surely not, he thinks. But then again…he’s available. He’s a proven winner. But no, it’s a fantasy. It will never happen. His time has gone. And yet. The phone rings. He scrambles to answer. “Hello?” “Mr Blair?” “Yes!?” “How do you feel about your broadband?”

Canva- now with AI! Gmail- now with AI! Zoom- now with AI! Word documents- now with AI! Washing machines- now with AI! Books- now with AI! The sky- now with AI! A moment of stillness on a spring morning- now with AI! ✨There’s nothing that can’t be worsened or completely ruined with AI!✨

Russell Brand’s book sounds…as expected. A coruscating (he’d like that word) review of it here: liveapp.inews.co.uk/category/440...

Remember: left wing politicians should be investigated for every little thing because they are hypocrites if they have any money or property at all. Right wing politicians are expected to be financially well off so their corruption is just shrugged off. Anyone who disagrees is just jealous.

100% put beautifully.

Every podcast advert! The Rt Hon Geoffrey Geoff-Geoffrey with a word from his sponsors…

Another really strong SNL UK tonight. Loved the songs and the Daniel Day Lewis and David Attenborough sketches were enjoyably silly. Weekend Update very sharp and also filled with great gags. Hannah Waddingham another brilliant host. They are really nailing it.

My 4 year old nephew is always saying “Did you know?” and then repeating very seriously something we said to him just minutes before as though he’s telling us for the first time. Everyone finds it extremely cute and endearing. And yet when I do it, apparently it’s “mansplaining” #doublestandards

This is appalling and totally unsurprising. All populists attack the press and rely on their own personal media to spread their propaganda. It should be resisted at every turn.

If you're plugging local media @mattgreencomedy.com I can highly recommend @jollyjourno.bsky.social of @enfielddispatch.bsky.social .

Well at least now Reform UK have got to run loads of councils, our fearless, popular and well-funded local press will have plenty of time to investigate them…hang on, I’m hearing something…ah

'So you didn't like it when I appointed New Labour grandee Peter Mandelson? Well, what about Gordon Brown instead? You remember, that Prime Minister you all loved so much you voted him out of office at the first opportunity!'

From the headline I'm imagining a load of cats wearing sunglasses smoking French cigarettes glaring at him as he arrived

Great news. Who needs real TV shows when you can just make your own AI slop versions?

Whatever the results were he’d have written the exact same thing, which is kind of the problem

This is where I was brought up, and it’s very depressing. And so are these results.

My local ward has 3 safely Labour seats in a safely Conservative council. It’s like the last 10 years never happened.

Electorate: Please fuck off now! Politician: Look, I've heard what the electorate has said, and what they really want me to do is carry on doing what I'm doing, but just faster and harder. Electorate: Fair point, we don't know our own minds. What are we like?

Commiserations to Sir David Attenborough on his 100th birthday, as he is now too old to be allowed to play with LEGO.

Fair enough - 2 year olds find it very hard to work out the odds

Genuinely delighted about this. The shows have been great fun to watch and I’m so glad they’re getting more to do. More non-star-driven comedy please!

As a postal voter I voted days ago, so I do also feel like I should get to see the results early as well.

You have two opportunities to see/hear my work on TV this week- you can hear my voice as Chat-GPT on AmandaLand (S2 Ep3) and see me pop up in Legends (not sure which ep) - the new drama on Netflix (which, based on the scripts, cast and writer is going to be excellent) which is out tomorrow…

This was a fun one to host - and I wish I could take credit for the excellent title…