It's crazy to me Subway hasn't launched a campaign of ads with headlines like "The Right to Bear Arms" or "Protected by the Bill of Rights" with a picture of a sub

If I was trapped in a room plastered with gold-leafed tacky Rococo bullshit, I would faint too

More people should retire from Congress, as a treat

Maybe it's part of a set

Maybe they were wrong, maybe we should chase waterfalls

We had a fire alarm and I left everything except my passport. I didn't even put on my favorite coat. I was ready to abandon it all and leave the country

No, little Franklin's only brother is Cédric; Jean-Marie is their father. I know I am right and will fight you to the death, authors of this French lesson! Visages des merde!

If that's your aloof wife she wasn't last night

It's "stay in line" joke day

Why is he handsome?

Walk into the club poke bowl first

Step 1: Improve my French Step 2: Sell all of my outerwear Step 3: Buy a one-way ticket to a French Caribbean island Step 4: Walk into the ocean forever

That brief period every minute when the microwave and oven clocks disagree

While you all fall back and spring forward, I'm going to move sideways

Sometimes I feel like all I know how to do is drink and take my clothes off and make powerpoints

I had a wild conversation with your mom (& new grandmother!) from Colorado at one of my regular bars. She told me about natural childbirth (got the last kid out by standing up!), struggles with using AI to create security guard training, & son's struggles with elitism at a luxury apartment building

Are you still putting your arms through the sleeves like a tacky idiot from 2025? Ew, gross

I should get these so people know my read of them is intentional

I'm going out to get dinner. I am not wearing a costume. These are just my clothes. I like fashion and I'm a little eccentric. I'm like this all year. Please do not ask me what I'm supposed to be

I only eat salsa from New York City because I demand the best

Stop giving men fish.

"Oh fuck, here comes Ted in his man-dress."

"Slut"

Donald, STOP!

A biblically accurate tuxedo

La Liberté guidant le peuple au le baril des craquelins

Can someone recommend a book? Preferably one that does not include long descriptions of windy moors or The Ngong Hills

BREAKING NEWS A coat of arms doesn't have sleeves

"Add another L to your name."

Should I release some diseased monkeys?

Looking into how to become one of those ferns or whatever that lives on the side of a massive rainforest tree and gets all its nutrients from the air.

Saying "sorry" when apologizing: - cliché - uninspired - bourgeois Saying "Balenciaga" when apologizing: - volatile - befuddling - érotique

Finally, some French I can use in the real world

Kinda surprised the young cashier at the market knew of Sonic Youth. Maybe they teach it in schools here?

Not now — busy shopping for « le plus parfait » Japanese ecru textured wool sock to complete a look

Someone bought the jacket I had my eye on. My staff have donned black armbands, drawn the curtains, and decorated the parlor in black crêpe bunting

Lushious Massacar is the epitome of drag excellence. From the plus size boys, to Spirit Halloween, to rainbow crosswalk erasure, she is the real deal

Here's a photo of my friend and colleague, Jorge Bautista, getting shot in the face with a flashbang grenade. The ICE Agent is so afraid of Jorge (who was posing no threat) that he has wet himself. Please share this photo. Everyone needs to know what cowards ICE agents are.

I'm convinced they want poor people to die

I also reach for my micro bodysuit whenever I get incredible news *glimpses unworn micro bodysuit on hanger with tags hanging in closet*

Went to the new gelato place last night. Nothing to report. I wore Rick Owens (which isn't unusual). Had pumpkin pie and brownie with coffee in a small cup (my current go-to combo)

Me going anywhere in my neighborhood

Taking bets there's a third Nazi tattoo somewhere below the waistline

Hey, I need to run to the Louvre, do you need me to pick up anything?

Which historic building are we ruining today?

Have I been wearing 'imperfect' hair perfume to the galas and no one said anything?