how can one moderation team be so wrong about so many things?

if i didn’t know what it meant, “gender critical” sounds like the most badass gender Gender: Critical

Further elaborating:

bitch i woke up like this

Cannibalism is legal if you organically just so happen to stumble upon a body

me: [at the theater, ringing a little bell for my butler, Chauncey, to bring me some popped corn] bully: who's doing that larger bully: hey that guy's got a fucking bell me: [frantically ringing bell]

Being observed today so I guess I'll go through the slit on the left

is john mcafee in the files or did he rly only molest like, whales?

grapes used to be so good you had to lay down to eat them

If you look up and find yourself under a banana tree that was not there before. There's like, at least a 40% chance, that banana tree is up to no good.

Once again my political enemies are smearing me by presenting evidence of my crimes

megyn kelly: epstein wasn’t a “pedophile”, he was into barely legal 15yo’s who looked even younger who could also pass for “legal” ?????????????????? 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

I really love making small, intentional mistakes that pedants feel compelled to correct and then doubling down on the mistake. It feels good to me.

Asking my uncle, Jackass Idiot, if he can help me pick which health insurance to use

What a terrible time to be literate.

The crisis of elite impunity that is ruining our society cannot be more clearly or convincingly demonstrated than with the fact that all of these people wrote all this stuff into an email and hit Send.

From: Alex Acosta <[email protected]> To: JE <[email protected]> Subject: Your Plea Deal Jeff, This is an incredibly favorable deal. Please read it. It will keep you out of far worse trouble. Alex

from: JE <[email protected]> sent: 7/19/2015 2:10pm to: peter <[email protected]> subject: school heyyy Peter me & donald & jizz lane & Dersho are terrorizing this elementary school diddling kid after kid after kid, it's so cool .get down here man dont say i nvr invitE u 2 ne thing! lol -J

Did Underage Girls Ruin Politics? Tomorrow in the @nytimes.com

dear prints androo— thx fer comin 2 my hous ind assaltign all those kids w me, buddy. ghisalin thot is was so cool. ha,ha. c u next tiem yur friend. jaff

it’s called a double negative maybe you’ve never not heard of it

Trying to get ahead of that Joyce Carol Oates dunk

good news, my therapist said I'm cured and to never contact her again

do me a favor and follow @whatsherface.bsky.social guys

Does this mean Seattle isn't getting an AI Martin Luther King, Jr. to welcome tourists to downtown?

this is literally never not accurate

if you slide RFK Jr’s left eye up a door opens in the Resident Evil mansion

thingamabob is short for “thing of my Bob”

every individual person should negotiation their own health insurance bc every single one will get an amazing deal. insurance companies are famously terrible at negotiating

posting my nudes in amazon product reviews

my baby is feral. her sister calls her a “rascally rat.” she’s like 10th percentile in height and weight and 90th in head circumference. she never stops eating. she chipped two of her four teeth and that’s only enhancing her whole vibe. she knows three words: eat, more, again! I love her so much

ice cubes are ridiculous. like yeah lemme just get a piece of water

salsa so spicy you keep butt dialing 911

Having a Kit Kat but not a break. You're not my supervisor, Nestlé

*sitting in an extremely weird way*: ok lets begin

40 years ago we’d have congressional hearings falsely accusing metal bands of putting backwards messages in their songs that told kids to kill themselves & now we have a planet-killing chatbot that’s all like “bet you won’t commit suicide chickenshit bitch” & the government is like here’s $5 billion

i have not understood a single thing anyone has said on here the whole time

reminder to not buy anything from amazon. i stopped 15 months ago and it’s… been fine. probably just saving a bunch of money

missed opportunity to call it “The Other Thing” or “One More Thing” or “And Another Thing”

i got LITERALLY zero

Cuomo: Look, in the heat of battle you say strident things. But elections aside I remain the reasonable, moderate leader you know. Reporter: But why are you in blackface? Cuomo: I will ask my lawyer to respond to that Lawyer: Mr. Cuomo has….okay could you possibly take your hand off of my vulva

Ants can lift 50 times their own body weight? Big deal! I can lift like 100 ants.

kill cheney, get elected mayor in less than 24 hours. that’s the way it works, girls!

i dunno. whatever

yknow I'm glad he ran a good campaign and whatnot but if mamdani had just *led* with killing cheney rather than doing it at the last minute he could have been mayor for months already

(Just before sex) Is Pepsi ok?