5 years wow

3 year old put this where I sit????

unc is short for conjunctivitius

Remember when we only had Snake on our phones

normal widows: I miss my husband Erika Kirk:

3yo has been calling me “Shrek” today. Son I don’t have time for this.

Happy gotcha day/4th-ish birthday to Dude the cat!

We love our big dumb President, don’t we folks. We love to see which personality disorder is gonna win out each time he writes his nightly screeds from the toilet. We love thinking about how Melania hasn’t touched him in years and how no one has probably ever truly loved him.

Christmas is great and all but tomorrow I am going to stay up past my bedtime and watch Marty Supreme.

I don’t want to wish time away but it will be fun when I can show my kids Bad Santa

I’ve had enough caffeine to kill a horse let’s do this

The grinch took all the food too. He really wanted them to die.

billionaire: i have 3 brains. in my skull interviewer: incredible

He's got that Christmas Adventurer Look.

it’s funny that celebs gotta use the same cell phones as the rest of us

The atheism leaving my body when Celine Dion sings O Holy Night

Not a single brain cell in sight

things are getting wild in my neck of the woods

2025 ain’t done shittin on us

Not Meathead! :(

The grinch was 53 years old when he did all that.

wholesome things happening over here

had to get a crown put on one of my teeth and I hope it’s getting along with the rest of the crew in there

this should be illegal. this is wrong.

A lot more Canada in this than I expected

Hoosiers tailgate Paige circa 2008! Indiana!

It’s true

right wingers with their new transphobe of the month

3yo picked this out as a Christmas gift for his great grandmother

old people with dimples….what’s that about

thinking about my ancestors watching me air fry a grilled cheese

Nuzzi, Lizza. Lizza. Nuzzi.

you ever feel like some people might stop loving you if they see what you do in the toilet

me when I add a sprig of rosemary to every plate and drink this December

God choosing which hole poop comes out of

is it not called Charlie Brown and the great turkey? Idk what’s going on anymore

“I wanna make my own lunch” well ok then

“Home Depot man is working so hard. Home Depot man is strong. Do you love Home Depot man?” - my 3yo, as his new character “Home Depot Man”

Sorry I’m never leaving Facebook either