Unhappy John Candy
@unhappyjohncandy.bsky.social
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Forklift certified. Too ugly for Instagram.
pinned post!
🖤🤍😻🧡🧡
10 months ago
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onion person
about 20 hours ago
everything rightwingers eat somehow looks like poop
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Cats with Jobs ⚒️
about 21 hours ago
I am once again asking you not to buy a mono-rail from this man. 📸 kokonananya
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Sara Hates Hockey
3 days ago
No matter the outcome I just hope nobody had fun.
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Charles Schwab e-mailing me to congratulate me on saving for my retirement: Great job! We're so proud of you! Me with $21 in my retirement account:
5 days ago
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Has your therapist ever kicked you out early because you didn’t come to the session with enough life problems to justify being there for a full hour?
5 days ago
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Amy
5 days ago
So cool that whenever someone asks the president, “did you eat the Lindbergh baby” he’s like, “no but I’d be allowed to, I have the right to, I might do it later”
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Stop Skeletons From Fighting | SSFF
11 days ago
The best thing EA ever did was partner with Nintendo on the GameCube port of SSX On Tour so that you can watch Luigi snowboard to Bat Country by Avenged Sevenfold
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Governor Gavin Newsom
12 days ago
This you, Trump?
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CRIMINAL SIMPSONS
13 days ago
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CRIMINAL SIMPSONS
13 days ago
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Ross Foubister
15 days ago
Happy Michael Festival
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Nobody: White people attending a football game: I am going to park on this random lawn within three blocks of the stadium and get drunk at 9:00 in the morning.
16 days ago
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One of the most difficult parts of learning about Native American history has been dealing with some of the names of people, places, and things. Like, the Treaty of Shackamaxon? Be fucking serious for a minute.
18 days ago
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Down Here For Your Soul
19 days ago
Engraving two bullets with "this bullet only lies" and "this bullet only tells the truth" to really stump the FBI
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Aidan Moher
19 days ago
GBA pixel art could absolutely fuck.
add a skeleton here at some point
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My coworker used fucking comic sans in a presentation this morning. Everybody but me clapped at the end.
19 days ago
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CRIMINAL SIMPSONS
20 days ago
add a skeleton here at some point
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CRIMINAL SIMPSONS
20 days ago
add a skeleton here at some point
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Alex Navarro
22 days ago
friends, have you heard the good news?
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Ygrene
8 months ago
good morning to Grimace specifically
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No Escalators
24 days ago
In 1896 an exhibitor in Texas staged an event where two trains crashed into one another at high speed. 40,000 people attended. The impact caused both engine boilers to explode, two people were killed and many more injured. Anyway, Iowa and Rutgers are playing in prime time on national TV tonight.
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Ygrene
26 days ago
the mayor is proposing that i be awarded the key to the city after hearing that i successfully ate an entire tub of hummus on a single triscuit cracker
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Learned today that two and a half years into my “new” job that the head of my department doesn’t even know my name. Feels bad, man.
27 days ago
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CJ Fogler
28 days ago
The loudest goalposts are the pandemic era ones that were mic'd up in Indiana
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wargen
11 months ago
those beautiful naked women have made a compelling argument i am going to steer this ship into the rocks
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Robert Reich
28 days ago
add a skeleton here at some point
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Mike Minotti
28 days ago
It’s bullshit that my tv never once tuned into a super villain who had taken over every channel just to send a message to their nemesis.
add a skeleton here at some point
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Sexy CHOAM Nomsky costume
29 days ago
horrified they weren’t quick enough to keep her from spreading this kind of vile hate speech on TV. for those who don’t know, “go birds” is a coded expression of support for the Philadelphia Eagles
add a skeleton here at some point
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Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD, BOFA
over 2 years ago
Over there sits your childhood stuffed animal slowly losing atoms to chaos. Piece by piece he says goodbye. Piece by piece you join him.
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bort
about 1 month ago
BLITZER: Now we’re getting reports that one of the bullet casings was engraved with a message saying that if you are reading the casing, you are gay. We must warn our viewers we’re about to show the photo and don’t know at this time whether the engraving is what makes you gay or if it just tells you
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Wristy
5 months ago
I threw away a permanent marker the other day. Today it showed up on my desk again with the word "permanent" slightly bigger and underlined
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wargen
about 1 month ago
therapist: let's talk about your childhood me: (presses big red buzzer) pass therapist: you have to stop bringing the buzzer to sessions
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RedditCFB
about 1 month ago
Ducks fans hungry to even-up the series with Northwestern
#TrashTalk
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forever botchamania
about 1 month ago
found "the washing machine self-destructing to wrestling themes" videos from 2019 1. Tazz
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Every commercial vehicle should have phone numbers visible on all sides to make it easier for me to call their bosses and snitch on their asses if they cut me off in traffic.
about 1 month ago
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Alex Blechman
over 2 years ago
Sci-Fi Author: In my book I invented the Torment Nexus as a cautionary tale Tech Company: At long last, we have created the Torment Nexus from classic sci-fi novel Don't Create The Torment Nexus
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The Ass is the father of the legs
3 months ago
It's disorienting living in the Wile E. Coyote portion of a country's life cycle. We ran off the cliff but haven't plummeted down yet. We're just now starting to hold up the big YIKES sign
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@fauxpelini.bsky.social
It’s 9-4! Happy Bo Pelini Day, Faux Pelini.
about 1 month ago
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NY Times Pitchbot
about 1 month ago
What to do when your podcaster says you need ketamine but your doctor refuses to prescribe it.
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wargen
2 months ago
(stepping out of the shadows with a switchblade) is this your switchblade? i found it in the shadows
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Brendel
about 1 month ago
There used to be a big cultural battle over which bird rocked the most but then that song Rockin’ Robin put the debate to bed
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Do all customer support staff have the same directives to empathize with their customers? The Spotify customer service person tells me they also listen to a lot of music, but would somebody from Bad Dragon tell me they also like shoving magical-themed items into every orifice?
about 1 month ago
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Manscape: Torment
about 1 month ago
Bro get over here. Bro. You're not gonna believe it, you gotta check this out, Gumby's going fucking ham
add a skeleton here at some point
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There should be an Ace Attorney/WWE 2K crossover. Tell me it wouldn’t be fucking incredible to see Phoenix Wright point at the WrestleMania sign after winning a Royal Rumble.
about 1 month ago
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Watching some barely legal at the gym on a Saturday night while I do some cardio.
about 1 month ago
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Quest 64 Official
about 2 months ago
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Cats with Jobs ⚒️
about 2 months ago
Office manager.
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John Wahl
about 2 months ago
Lord in heaven please forgive me.
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Noticed my brother has Notifications silenced, but his iPhone will notify him in case of emergencies. I’m sure he’d want to read my review of this new flavor of Combos immediately.
about 2 months ago
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Ben Rosen
about 2 months ago
democrats: the president putting the capital under martial law and using a secret police force to round people up is a distraction do NOT take the bait democrats one week later: ok we have to say something about this cracker barrel situation
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