Happy new year! I haven't moved off the couch in four days.

Why

I have been sleeping all day (even after taking a 20 mg Adderall) and it's been the coziest sleep I've ever had.

I am really struggling with the cold this year.

What the fuck.

Beans

🙁

when u get a weird reply

I can't feel weed as well as I used to.

My feet itch from the inside. What do I do.

I'm realizing I'm gonna have to do a deep clean and organization of my house or I'll lose my fucking mind.

sisyphus getting a treadmill for christmas

If I had a fanny pack shaped like a hot dog, that's where I'd keep my gun

Seems like low-hanging fruit that there isn’t a candle company called “John Wick.”

This sleepiness is heavy.

Pajama weather.

A balloon thinks it's saving your breaths for later, an emergency, a backup sigh. I needed that sigh too once after a needle asked in front of a balloon about oxygen and carbon dioxide, I just choked

Just ordering a third neck brace. I keep losing them. Fucking adhd.

My body is betraying me.

Well, fuck.

One thing I learned this year is that I’m exceptional at absolutely ruining my life.

Gonna wear my wedding dress to family dinner on Christmas Day.

Well my hips and back are fucked again. That didn't last long.

I've been having waitressing nightmares lately. I haven't waitressed in over 20 years.

A per my last email

Well I got my back straightened out so that's good. I hope it sticks.

Being alive right now is trying to balance “I want to stay informed” with “this is actively destroying my mental health”

Feeling mopey as heck.

i'll have you know that beauty is in the eye of the sweater-wearer!

if Bluesky had a dislike button, I would immediately use it on all my posts

it takes a village to beat the counting machines with rocks and sticks until their silicon is ground back into sand

Staring into the abyss to assert dominance

Epstein Files released by Pam Bondi 🚩

Please feed me to a carnivorous plant.

wake me up on december 26

amazing photo on spanish wikipedia's chinchilla article

I highly approve. alt text: Two chinchillas in party hats sitting up on their back paws. There are balloons in the background. One of the chinchillas is sitting behind a birthday present which obscures the lower half of his body. Both have something in their paws that they are eating.

6 days until Christmas 🎄

I’m so sick of acting like everything is ok.

how to train your wreck

We've locked in for the holidays. Making meat pies and hibernating with wine.

Obsessed with staying warm. It's my personality now.

Hasbro??? how about, "Has Bro ever won a game of monopoly"

these documents are more blacked out than Pete Hegseth on New Years Eve

I'll never understand how any of this is acceptable.

I’m done with being self-aware. That only causes misery. From now on it’s going to be nothing but grunts and toots as I walk away from any and all human interaction

My party trick is not showing up