Refried bean bag chair

They’re calling it the must see video on youtube

Make-a-wish foundation but every wish has horribly ironic consequences like a monkey's paw

i did not say i "fear" the reaper dude, i just said i think it's annoying that there's a reaper

Tuesday holiday, i.e. I will have no idea what day it is for the rest of the week

my wife and i saw you from across the bar and were wondering if you always chew your food like that

I always put these on to make a post

Blasting the Mars Volta and chopping up the holy trinity

Send provisions

If this guy has a 15-year career, that’s approximately 14,480 more times I think about this scene.

Posting! On The Toilet

adding a second trepan hole to get a cross breeze going

Putting the rotisserie chicken carcass on top of the egg crate in the fridge like some mad, macabre simulacra of The Modern Chicken

This is cinema

LOGGING ON

They should invent a hot liquid that makes you more alert and outgoing

Fear makes strange bedwetters of us all.

All right men fan out. Or do whatever, just leave me alone!

#computer #tractor_feed #trypophobia

I mean, just look at this guy

Areas love to be tri-something

the predator using his little targeting beam to try and light his way down the hall to take a leak at 2am and tripping over a bunch of skulls

Good for them. Everyone deserves to find happiness. Hopefully someday this won't be news but we don't live in that world yet

It's a little on the nose watching The Chair Company while trying to chat in broken English with a customer service representative at the internet provider I've never heard of that my existing internet provider forcibly switched me to today and now nothing works and nobody knows when it will

setting my Rude filter to SHOW. setting my Unruly filter to WARN. setting my Vulgar filter to HIDE. setting my Churlish filter to SHOW BADGE. setting my Impudent filter to TSK STERNLY. setting my Callow filter to FROWN. setting my Naughty filter to... hmmm... DEPLOY OPERA GLASSES FOR FURTIVE PEEPING

Right about now, the honk shoo brother

[gets a work email about required annual training] ok, I'll play your twisted games...

I like snickerdoodles because I'm allergic to regular Snickers

The First Annual FIFA Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence

Finding Masculine Halloween Costumes For Your Effeminate Son

Rogers Hornsby: People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring. Rogers Hornsby's Therapist: Let's unpack that, Roger. Rogers Hornsby: It's "Rogers"

Precisely synchronizing my oven and microwave clocks like they're planning a heist

INVENTOR: ive got a great new toy idea for you, it's called... the Radio Flyer TOY EXEC: oh wow, so it's like a plane that flies via... radio? INVENTOR: it's not a plane TOY EXEC: oh...Kay, so it's INVENTOR: its a little red wagon TOY EXEC: with ... a radio on it? INVENTOR: theres no radio

Did not expect one of the best paragraphs I’d read about baseball would come from an Irish newspaper www.irishexaminer.com/sport-column...

"That one banner of Shōhei Ohtani eating an onigiri that's in front of every FamilyMart" (the banner reads: "I was born in a country that has delicious rice balls") x.com/dailyportalz...

Suffering withdrawals, watching static on TV from 5-8pm tonight and cheering wildly

Oh I get it. Fun Onions.

This is the sixth straight season in which a Will Smith wins a World Series:   2025: C Will Smith (LAD) 2024: C Will Smith (LAD) 2023: LHP Will Smith (TEX) 2022: LHP Will Smith (HOU) 2021: LHP Will Smith (ATL) 2020: C Will Smith (LAD)

I know that nobody is happy for me but that's ok, I understand, and I'm happy for myself and that's all I need

BREAKING: Riots break out in Philadelphia following Dodgers win

Dodgers Centre

Mentally surveying the ceiling fan locations in this bar in case I start jumping

Norm might've spoken this into existence, it's his fault