🚨 WHO NEEDS TO SEE A BABY PEACOCK?

It certainly is convenient to be in a place where pretty much everyone speaks English, but it was a lot more charming getting by on broken Portuguese and hand gestures. It's fun to go to a place where you can't expect to be understood unless you adapt, and the appreciation people show for you trying

Found a speakeasy in Lisbon but it requires reservations, which better involve sitting next to a stranger on a designated bench and saying a code phrase like "the three ships sail at dawn"

Fine, I'll be MP of Clacton. First question: where's Clacton?

(exploring the ancient tomb) Incredible… The lost civilization who built all this must have been generally shitass at building stuff, on account of how it’s all fucking broken

spotted on Reddit: this menu card from a Lufthansa flight explaining the bibimbap being served the Korean text apparently translates to: "You know how to eat bibimbap, right? You are experts. So, please understand that we need more space for English and German instructions."

When a soccer player does that little stutter step penalty kick move

I have this idea for a game show called Less Online, where the more online spouse/partner tries to explain something to their less online partner and they are racing against another couple to see who gets it first. (this morning I tried to explain the grink to my husband)

without America they'd be speaking (scrolling the Wikipedia article about world war one for a really long time) a different language right now

Thinking about learning to lasso. All you have to do is wiggle some string until a cow goes in it

[wakes up, checks score] lol. lmao

I'm that asshole in an art museum who's always like "ah, yes, this is a commentary on the banality of sustenance and the commercialization of natural resources"

Making prison wine in the hotel bidet

To have and to hold, to honor and cherish, to explain how the hotel shower works if you're the first one to use it

No heterosexuals allowed in elevator

heeere we go

The Portuguese airline had a flight map for kids that had animals on it so you better believe that's the one I used

Lisbon hotel desk clerk knew about Portland Timbers and the chainsaw because he plays FIFA

Can’t sleep? Simple methods that work: • study hurricane forecast • who hates me • what did i forget • relive supreme humiliation • win 12-yr-old argument • buried alive? could happen • what i did vs should have done • dead people i miss • what if i’m bad • why do i say stuff • what’s my fuckin deal

Entering 17 lines of information to log into a portal and view a message from my doctor’s office that says, “Health Spotlight: Physician’s Corner: The hip bone… REALLY connected to the leg bone? 👀🦴”

In gremlins 2 when a panicked Pheobe Cates pulls the fire alarm, the fire alarm pontificates “Fire! The untamed element, oldest of man’s mysteries, giver of warmth [etc]” anyway that’s what it’s like when you google something now.

Slept in 15-30 minute bursts for 3 or 4 hours and suddenly it's 2:40pm and summer time

Flight is 2 hours late (it's 12:33am here) so we should be eating "dinner" around 2am, or the equivalent of 6am where we'll be landing on this 6 hour flight. I'm gonna be so fucked tomorrow lol

In line at Salvador airport passport control with a Uruguayan pro soccer team. If any one of these guys touches me, I'm clutching my face and falling down

I thought bringing 5 rolls of film on this trip might be ambitious, but I shot 4 of them just on the Brazil leg. Headed to the airport for an overnight flight to Portugal where I'll need to find a camera store and stock up on some more for the second half

There needs to be a Geneva convention about showing crying kids on TV after a sporting event

This poor guy is now tasked with making a bar full of sad Brazilians dance

FIFA has allowed the USMNT to play with guns

Someone please gif the keeper dancing back and forth forever

Erling Haaland: one of the best soccer players in the world, and also what it would look like if Vigo the Carpathian had inhabited that baby and grown up.

you know who else made a call to a higher power to reverse a penalty for us

Brazilian TV counts up 45 minutes each half and this is why they will never be a serious soccer nation

White boy telling every single person "vai Brasil!" all day long has never failed

"Who Can It Be Now?" is the song that dares to ask the question, who can it be now?

Trying to explain to a Brazilian who thinks we're saying we don't like football. He understood now

[misunderstanding jellyfish stings] okay hold still I need to suck out your pee

Faking my death and disappearing into Salvador forever

Referee flicking the lights on and off when players won't stop jostling before a corner kick

happy 4th

My streak of being asked if I'm Canadian in other countries remains unbroken (ok, to be fair, I was singing along to the Canadian anthem before the game)

important to revisit the words of the Founding Fathers on this day

If it doesn't look right, give it one more try! youtu.be/Ccq30minme8

Of course bsky.app/profile/adem...

[Showing my wife the flightradar24 track of our plane currently plummeting into the sea] And it has a bunch of other features too, but you gotta pay

lol well that was exciting

RIP to all the catholics excommunicated by the pope for their heresy but im different. and better. maybe even better than the pope

Muito obrigado senhor robôto

BAH! Enough talk! My <Beam Blast> shall make short work of you!