Every time a new batch of Epstein emails come out, I understand why the world's richest people are investing all their money in a product that writes coherent messages for them.

I don't remember how the rest of it goes, but THE ARISTOCRATS!

Was this in the movie?

Lawyer here. There’s a lot of misinformation about what this means. It means he’s innocent even though he did it and the judge said that it’s good what he did

For those of you dealing with icy roads and are unsure how to handle it remember the advice of Nine Inch Nails: 🎶 Slow down before you take that curve You're going to slide and hit that curb 🎶

More like WEREhouses. Like werewolves. See, because the "were" here comes from the old English for "man" and these are going to be warehouses full of people, so linguistically...

TGIWFwTD

Me with an unexamined life: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!!! Me after examining my life: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck.

Democrats Sick Of Being Blamed For Cowardice On Issues They Actually Just Don’t Care About https://theonion.com/democrats-sick-of-being-blamed-for-cowardice-on-issues-1847675639/

Gen X is worse than the Boomers now!?!? That's dark, even for such a nihilistic generation.

just choked on my beverage

When people mention assless chaps, I'm never sure if they're talking about the clothing or the English.

No notes

Mamdani expected to leave office, retire from public life after DEVASTATING exposé

Too long America has lagged behind Asia in fields like math, science, and adult suicide rate.

It was vinegar? Did this moron find out vinegar is an acid and picture a Two-Face type scenario with something commonly added to food?

I'm convinced at this point that Newsom doesn't talk to his social media team.

I guess "Jo Nesbo's Harry Hole" was just one step too far for Netflix.

imagine being so bad at a crime that they actually just start calling random dudes by your name, like if you were so bad at murdering parliament nobody called men "males" anymore but instead called them "[your name]s." For Guy Fawkes, this is no mere hypothetical

We need to talk about the rise of "smol bean fascism" where you have all the guns and the immunity but the really scary people are the ones with whistles and phone cameras and they're giving you generational trauma and ptsd by filming you killing people for no reason

...or is something we planned for or will put any effort into www.npr.org/2026/01/28/n...

PAIRS WELL WITH: missed alimony payments and children who never speak to you

Mommy Mondays with Tony Dokoupil

Now let me be clear: a lot of people are talking about a "Purple Revolution" but not enough people are talking about the comfort of a Purple Mattress...

When people mention assless chaps, I'm never sure if they're talking about the clothing or the English.

nice argument, unfortunately I have already depicted myself as a squared-up Ilhan Omar and you as a collapsing sewer ogre

REP. OMAR after being attacked with liquid: “We will continue! These fucking assholes are not gonna get away with this! Here is the reality people like this ugly man don’t understand — we are Minnesota Strong. We’ll stay resilient in the face of whatever they might throw at us.”

A man assaulted Representative Ilhan Omar at her town hall, but she responded by dropping an f-bomb. Both sides need to tone things down. Coming tomorrow, by someone who thinks of themself as a serious person.

lol we're sending ICE to Italy for the Winter Olympics, not because they're the administration's personal military force, but because we... need to... enforce immigration and customs in a foreign country, I guess? www.bbc.com/news/article...

This is Eric Adams we're talking about so it might be a literal booby trap. www.politico.com/news/2026/01...

How to shovel snow without a snow shovel www.fox5dc.com/weather/how-...

He is expected to go back to tormenting his twin brother, Stuart Little

I hate being caught up in the political and societal consequences of our company's clients and just want to get back to the pure engineering that I love here at the Orphan Crushing Machine factory.

My family tried to have me committed, and after finding me mentally unwell, the judge gave me the choice of either being institutionalized or writing opinion columns for the New York Times. So here's my article on why people not liking my favorite pop culture is a sign of the end times:

Oh so it's going to be that kind of recession www.theguardian.com/books/2026/j...

All of this happened with basically no help from elected officials of the opposition party. This was entirely the people.

Hey all, if you're like me, you've probably been wondering how you can help people in Minnesota. A reached out to some friends and they recommended giving money to either the Immigrant Law Center or any of the mutual aid orgs listed on Stand With Minnesota. I'll be giving to both. Links below

Could Rahm Emanuel, the unlikeable gremlin with no constituency, be the next Democratic nominee for president? The answer may surprise you (if you are very stupid)!

When the season 1 villain joins the heroes because "I may be corrupt, but those guys are evil"

GOP is cooked

The active-duty Marines can't keep up with our healthy, virile President's schedule of sitting in the Oval Office, taking cognitive tests, and looking at secret notes in his lap. North Korea's newscasters would never.

We're going to get the first fully AI newsroom

[me after voting to end the Republic] What's happening right now is a threat to the Republic. I'm very concerned.

After all of the "was it Brady or Belichick most responsible for the Patriots dynasty?" discourse, how amazing would it be to find out it's just because of the light and goodness that radiates from New England?