the swell of her breasts was like a cool and epic sports car, and the protrusion of her ass, similarly, was like another cool and tricked-out sports car, just a different make and model

scenting thom yorke on the grounds, my hounds have pursued him into a thicket. he's yowling sorrowfully in his usual falsetto there. hurry, groundskeeper, my rifle

SWINE KING (Gameboy Advance) You are the smallest swineherd in your village. Manage resources like pigfeed and herd-ranging, while mastering a large skill tree, from abattoir arson to lobbying for livestock duty exemptions. Do you have what it takes to run a swine empire?

To the Discover tab with Mr Hater, where, accosted by a great many Repliers, I did lay about me with a great Stick til I bruised them greatly, which brought me some pleasure. Thence to Quiet Posters, where my wife awaited me, most displeased.

My phylum and class were first recorded by Soviet cryptozoologists in 1964

Remarkable that nephew literature once existed, that works like Rameau's Nephew and Wittgenstein's Nephew celebrated being an eccentric half-forgotten appendix to some intellectual personage. All over now of course. Due to the nuclear family

At every trade school there's a compulsory course dedicated to the defilement of the domestic flora which the client has cultivated. The average roofer or builder will aim in the course of his career to behead thousands of nasturtiums, to leave no begonia unmolested

The point in posting on a dying website is to reconcile yourself in miniature to your own death. For this we thank Bluesky.

dude you dont have to get all dolled up just to come over and grill

For an elegant proof of this result, see Mostowski 44. Take care to avoid the emerald boar guarding the corollary.

Let's go for a walk at the

perfectly circumnavigating my beige apartment

People who say "Take a step back and look at the bigger picture" have never actually tried taking a step back. The picture gets smaller

the feeling of a headache subsiding is better than every drug. but I can't feel that at will so drugs are still very useful to me

hup

cigarette advertisement campaigns that would work on me: 1. prehistoric smoking at edge of cave while rain and lightning falls outside 2. purple martins smoking inside their gourd houses 3. ancient mayan pyramid builder smoking on work break 4. starbuck (moby dick) sponsorship

Just did my business in the bathroom admirably

I hate writers today, always submerging their authority in the textual field. Try having a cult of genius that looms over the text instead?

Wow! We asked an LLM to produce the perfect synthesis of the humanities and social sciences. It generated a single sentence: "A recession has struck the libidinal economy."

Favourite kind of demography is the one that's like "the Millennial has a somber guffaw. Better, perhaps, than the Zoomer's anguished scream but certainly worse than the Boomer's self-satisfied laugh, their larynx thrashing about like a merchant ship being dashed against Cypriot rocks"

ah, come in. no you're not interrupting anything. I'm merely setting up for a game of Pervert's Chess. Do you play?

Every night the same beautiful dream. I am a French inventor, living and working assiduously during La Belle Époch, and my creation is finally complete. The “Aero-Vélo”, the world’s first flying bicycle. I am doing the final adjustments before gravity weds me, irreversibly, to the ground far below.

yeah i read an interesting article about this in the LRB..or was it the TLS, or the NLR…actually maybe the NYRB

"US administration announces new executive measure - being hit by a truncheon every day." 700 accounts on here: Fucking the truncheon man for truncheon Bro on that truncheon type beat Truncheon got me achieving new bipedal land speeds

I need a little egg shaped man in a three piece suit to follow me around and hype me up

I formed 17 sense-impressions today, earning me my first "Father's Cultivated Little Lad".

I have a wonkish attachment to data, which is obviously reactionary and I'll try to stop evaluating things from now on

I shall eat the yoghurt. I shall drink the rooibos.

Grab a tea towel, right now, coil it up until it’s as dense as your muscles can bear. Bite down on it - never let go - imagine you’re a pit bull terrier if you need to. Repeat this exercise until your bite force allows you to bite through an inch thick dowel. Hardwood, no pine.

Hawks, doves. I just imagined the first panther for peace

That's it, I've had enough. Reducing you from a bright moon over the clear Huai river to a spent silkworm in my Chinese symbolism infused poetry

This shoe collection speaks to the modest gentleman. He might tread on vinyls and laminates far more readily than hand-scraped hardwood but his insoles are worthy of attention all the same

emojis of thought: 5) 💭 4) 🧮 3) 🗝️ 2) 🦧 1) 🪔

I make myself laugh, to my eternal shame and detriment.

Iannis Xenakis - Kottos (twee ukelele cover)

Ensorcelling your ass with the simplest of enchantments

The "lit gf" is a pernicious myth. You can post "if that's your girl why she revealing her rich inner workings to me like a Jamesian protagonist" but the only replies you'll get are from spine dimension memorisers. Hardly the probable stimulant abusers you were hoping for

Watching a lot of Hindi stand up lately. Like opening a new front in alt comedy - mostly hack observational jokes made novel by cultural references I have a glancing familiarity with. "You ever notice the bride's family dances like this! But the groom's family dances like this!" You got me, dawg

Even outside of the theater his hand would sometimes open and close as he talks, a textbook case of “Muppet’s Thrall”

Brother, I'm in the Ship of Melancholy, steered by the twin princes, Loneliness and Inadvertent Dog Narcotisation. Join me? 🫴

they’re going through a printout of my interior monologue with a red biro and alternating ‘unclear’, ‘????’ and ‘NO!’ in the margins

I lack the self-confidence to eat a navel orange in the workplace

Geezers can be proper miffed. Or proper chuffed. Really, geezers have a fluid perspective on life, much like anyone else

The new trend is to gasp while eating a juicy orange.

going to rehab because i can’t stop locating almost anyone

[coyly enquiring about a friend with jaundice] is he... a friend of homer?

Basically, it's simple. Tariffs are like a mass shooting, a snake devouring itself, a bugler playing their own funerary processional and Neon Genesis Evangelion. But they're also crabs frolicking in a rockpool or a lone grape in a bowl. Do you sort of get it now?

Would love more dating reality shows, just with a wider frame of reference. Need a male camel trying to court a harem of female camels using his vomeronasal organ to judge the urine just streamed into his mouth by a potential paramour

Really long stretch of "I'll hunker down to post after this interruption"