We are all going to have so many kinds of diarrhea

ME: Okay—back on track... How do you feel about the modern takes on the Odyssey? HOMER: Show me Grindr again. Show me again now.

every time trump is president you gotta wash your groceries

Trump just delivered his first speech after the death of his allegedly dear friend Lindsey Graham, which happened less than 48 hours ago. He didn't mention him once. RIP.

Lindsey Graham dead, world no worse: defector.com/lindsey-grah...

No statement from Mitch McConnell on the sudden passing of his senate colleague? So much for decorum

“How can you make fun of someone right after they died?” Me:

Follow @wario64.bsky.social and repost for a chance to win 1 of 5 NA eShop codes for Rise of the Tomb Raider: 20 Year Celebration for Nintendo Switch 2 courtesy of @aspyr.com. Giveaway ends July 6th, 6 PM PT www.nintendo.com/us/store/pro...

lightning I've never asked very much from you but tonight I have a few favors to ask

“Nearly 1 million people who bought President Trump’s memecoin have lost money through the end of June, according to a report by the cryptocurrency analytics firm Nansen. Their losses total $3.81 billion.”

I have such an expertly curated algorithm that I'm seeing posts from Mexican street food restaurants in the US and this is how they're advertising the game tomorrow night. "Good vibes"

DO NOT SHARE SCREENSHOTS OF THE INFOWARS ELF.

Gotta love someone who claims gender is biological and then cites the journal Philosophical Studies in support of the point.

sorry, E! www.knoxnews.com/story/entert...

Trump crashing out over the reflecting pool and blaming Antifa vandals is one of the funniest bits he’s done in years tbh.

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to show up in full combat gear on a hot summer day to the pool he filled with algae because he gave a paint job to one of his cigar puffing cronies. you are ordered to stop tourists from touching the green water. good luck soldier

TFW the boys are back in town

Right-wingers on Twitter will be crying fraud now that Spencer Pratt has been left of the starting lineup of the US Men's National Team at the World Cup

OTC ☝️ @eitmonline.bsky.social

Thousands are marching in Selma calling for a full restoration of the voting rights act.

Not a bad way to spend the afternoon

Gambit is the coolest Xman because his mutant superpowers are (1) charging any object into a powerful explosive making anything around him a deadly weapon and (2) beating your ass with a stick

We've finally won the war against woke

We lost Douglas Adams 25 years ago today. This has made a lot of people very sad and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

“Let me be clear: this is not a golden calf” is pretty funny.

@eitmonline.bsky.social we already know how E feels about “ress a prossety”

R.I.P. Ted Turner Thanks for Nitro

Getting called on after zoning out in a meeting and replying "this used to be a vast prairie"

@eitmonline.bsky.social this is jack shack music

@eitmonline.bsky.social 86 clear channel

This may seem harsh to some readers but I believe the Supreme Court Justices should be sent to a sort of Hellraiser type of dimension

They came to me and they said "Sir it's time for your weekly cognitive test, something we make all healthy presidents do" and I said thank you. That's very nice

Lots of people know this one but the one that most consistently amuses me to tell people is that Wesley Snipes hated everyone on Blade 3 so much that he refused to open his eyes for a scene so they had to cgi big dumb eyes onto him

In hindsight Comey probably shouldn’t have gotten Trump elected in 2016. “Whoops”

here's my dumb take: impeachment isn't a priority because it's old and tired and won't generate media. what should dems actually pass? HR1: No Self Dealing, a swath of anticorruption measures. make republicans vote no on that. make them the "stealing from america" party

[newspaper fact checker voice] my wife does not "long for the touch of another man" as the president said during last night's white house correspondents dinner. i give this 2.5 pinocchios.

That classic face I make when I’m doing well!

@eitmonline.bsky.social call this woman randy orton because she hears voices in her head and they counsel her

Lmao @ people on here announcing pro wrestling is fake/scripted like those of us who watch aren’t aware.

We live in a country where the two most dynamic, charismatic, eloquent politicians of this century have the first names Barack and Zohran. This is what bothers the white supremacists so much.

Got in a little hometown jam So they put a rifle in my hand Send me off to a foreign land To go and eat the silver ham

Garfield: *eats a lasagna very quickly* Judi Dench: oh Garfield Garfield: *snores loudly* Judi Dench: you wretched creature Garfield: *hits spider with newspaper* Judi Dench: murderous reprobate Garfield: *watches tv* Judi Dench, intensely whispering: soulless twisted thing