Scott Adams dying at 68 rather than 69 is the perfect capstone to a life of being almost — but not quite — funny

It’s pretty fucked up to sack Aaron Rodgers instead of debating his ideas

If you are anxious and sad about the state of the world, that's fine, and there are plenty of strategies for dealing with that. But I think you already know that drive-by online dooming isn't a strategy. It's selfish and adolescent. It's a contagion that only spreads the worst of you, not the best.

Happy Friday to you guys

Happy Hey Taco Bell The Illuminati Is Not A Frivolous Subject Day to all who celebrate!

Who Shot Ashli Babbit? (2021)

What if none of these things is a distraction from the other things and instead they're all just horrible things

Motion to extend weekend until Christmas.

Red Lobster never released a commercial with a jingle that went “Shrimply having a wonderful Fishmastime.” That’s why they went bankrupt.

Tonight's message to every single Republican up for election in 2026

On this day 200 years ago Goku saved the Native Americans from the Red Ribbon Army. They asked what they could do in return. Goku said "Im hungry", and thus the first Thanksgiving was had.

narrator: 50 years ago... me: [nods] in 1945 narrator: in 1975... me: what

Marjorie Taylor Greene has been disliked by the left for years and years and had never had to fear for her life. She's been disliked by the right for 1 day and now has to hire security.

Olivia Nuzzi got horny at the part of ET where he’s lying sick in the water

You know, Democrats, there really isn't an upper limit on the amount of outrage you can have over the president of the United States being a child rapist. It should be the primary, if not the only thing you talk about. Go ballistic because it's the right thing to do.

All the pearl-clutching about Zohran Mamdani--by right-wingers who elected a half-senile old TV star president--is very amusing. For once the shoe is on the other foot.

“They were careless people, Tom and Daisy—they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess...”

Goodnight everyone, and if you accidentally got an extremely recognizable Nazi symbol tattoo years ago and keep forgetting to get it covered up, maybe do that tomorrow and don’t spend any more extra years with an extremely recognizable Nazi symbol tattooed on your body

Trump will just have to keep murdering fishermen until you stupid jerks give him the peace prize

“We should replace Bad Bunny with Lee Greenwood” is an also a perfect summation of the “deal” they’ve offered universities.

“Kavanaugh stops” is a tremendous term term for cops racially profiling people and someone should start a crowdfunding effort to pay a bunch of SEC sorority influencers to popularize it on TikTok. We must fight fire with devastating trending topics slate.com/news-and-pol...

every single person claiming to yearn for this would kill themselves if they were subjected to the tyranny of the 56k modem for one hour

[at my second rodeo] listen up you ignorant sack of shit

Cam Ward was moving 15.1 MPH to his right (and slightly forward) when he threw to his touchdown pass to the left across the field to Ayomanor!! (NFL Next Gen Stats)

@eitmonline.bsky.social beat this thing king

@eitmonline.bsky.social oh my god, i want yall to set up a web camera and watch elliot try to camp out for the weekend

what a humiliating way for don jr. to find out his dad sends birthday cards.

[Giuliani's final breath] Tell my family I loved...9/11

is that what i think it is

Can we get Epstein's victims as much air time as Cracker Barrel???

@eitmonline.bsky.social bring back In Your House wwe ppvs at josh’s house

Okay I found the most depressing post

Showing the world I’m a tough hypermasculine man by being WAY more scared than everyone else

@eitmonline.bsky.social please isolate ellito saying “on the cum”

youre damn straight youre recording my call for quality and training purposes im the guy youve all been warned about lets do this

@eitmonline.bsky.social imagine you’re on a plane next to elliot and he’s just cackling away while watching anora and throwing a blanket over his lap

Craziest thing that's ever happened to him on an island

We’re really going to get an executive order about hulk hogan before we get the epstein files, huh

absolutely surprised it’s taken this long for elliot to produce bloody stool @eitmonline.bsky.social

Congratulations to THE BEAR on its 13 #Emmy Nominations, including Outstanding Comedy Series.

BREAKING: On emergency applications from the Solicitor General, Supreme Court holds, 6-3, that further discussion of the Jeffrey Epstein Hoax is a felony.

Now THAT's a cease and desist letter

elliot rn @eitmonline.bsky.social