Not a bad way to spend the afternoon

Gambit is the coolest Xman because his mutant superpowers are (1) charging any object into a powerful explosive making anything around him a deadly weapon and (2) beating your ass with a stick

We've finally won the war against woke

We lost Douglas Adams 25 years ago today. This has made a lot of people very sad and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

“Let me be clear: this is not a golden calf” is pretty funny.

@eitmonline.bsky.social we already know how E feels about “ress a prossety”

R.I.P. Ted Turner Thanks for Nitro

Getting called on after zoning out in a meeting and replying "this used to be a vast prairie"

@eitmonline.bsky.social this is jack shack music

@eitmonline.bsky.social 86 clear channel

This may seem harsh to some readers but I believe the Supreme Court Justices should be sent to a sort of Hellraiser type of dimension

They came to me and they said "Sir it's time for your weekly cognitive test, something we make all healthy presidents do" and I said thank you. That's very nice

Lots of people know this one but the one that most consistently amuses me to tell people is that Wesley Snipes hated everyone on Blade 3 so much that he refused to open his eyes for a scene so they had to cgi big dumb eyes onto him

In hindsight Comey probably shouldn’t have gotten Trump elected in 2016. “Whoops”

here's my dumb take: impeachment isn't a priority because it's old and tired and won't generate media. what should dems actually pass? HR1: No Self Dealing, a swath of anticorruption measures. make republicans vote no on that. make them the "stealing from america" party

[newspaper fact checker voice] my wife does not "long for the touch of another man" as the president said during last night's white house correspondents dinner. i give this 2.5 pinocchios.

That classic face I make when I’m doing well!

@eitmonline.bsky.social call this woman randy orton because she hears voices in her head and they counsel her

Lmao @ people on here announcing pro wrestling is fake/scripted like those of us who watch aren’t aware.

We live in a country where the two most dynamic, charismatic, eloquent politicians of this century have the first names Barack and Zohran. This is what bothers the white supremacists so much.

Got in a little hometown jam So they put a rifle in my hand Send me off to a foreign land To go and eat the silver ham

Garfield: *eats a lasagna very quickly* Judi Dench: oh Garfield Garfield: *snores loudly* Judi Dench: you wretched creature Garfield: *hits spider with newspaper* Judi Dench: murderous reprobate Garfield: *watches tv* Judi Dench, intensely whispering: soulless twisted thing

I fell for a psyop I saw on TV that convinced me to eat a cheeseburger

putting this in the teams chat when a coworker asks me how my big project is going

It’s profoundly ignorant to suggest that the Pope should be fighting crime on behalf of the Catholic Church. Anyone who was remotely familiar with Roman Catholicism would know that that’s what Daredevil is for

what else can we get JD to do this weekend

@eitmonline.bsky.social elliot has NO CHANCE IN HELL of understanding any of this

The more American legal scholarship I read, the more I hate the entire genre. It’s just terrible.

i think if you jerked off beetlejuice a bunch of worms and bugs would come out of his penis. just contributing to the general tenor of the website right now

Louis C.K. will headline Netflix's comedy festival, so everyone crying about “cancel culture” for the last decade can shut up now. www.jezebel.com/louis-ck-hea...

I heard someone say that we should be registering voters at gas stations.

@eitmonline.bsky.social do we get sarah beach bhole pics too

Enough

Three right-wing talking points whose logic contradicts each other: 1. No voter ID means illegal immigrants are voting. 2. You need an ID to fly on a plane so you should need one to vote. 3. We need to send ICE to airports to arrest all the illegal immigrants flying on planes.

We’ve told all the casting agents that the Weird Al biopic sequel is currently on hold, but they just keep sending in headshots.

If Sinners came out in the 90s there would be an SNES and Genesis game that would be made by totally different developers. The Genesis version youd play as Smoke and you’d have a gun and in the SNES version you play as Preacherboy and you fight vampires with your guitar

An overconfident Team USA getting embarrassed by a much smaller country in front of a global audience is their last and most beautiful tribute to the American military yet

obaa/sinners discourse

Americans are being sent to die in Iran by men who don’t even have the courage to say, “Uh, thank you, Mr. President, but I wear a size 9 shoe.”

The 3 genders

Markwayne Mullin is the most “defensive coordinator the whole team hates” option we have