Tiny octopods are so cute. I found this little guy in a tidal pool last summer:

Milli Vanilli??

It's so hard to listen to kids lie on the playground and just let it go. No, your dad didn't invent roblox. That's not true.

This person is correct. There is no place for a moderate Republican in Texas. Your options are become a Democrat, disengage politically, or accept that there is no amount of corruption and idiocy you won’t tolerate.

this website is not beating the allegations

Powerful words from the pope’s encyclical today: “Furthermore, if you get nachos to share at a restaurant, one person can’t just eat all the fully loaded ones. Don’t look around, find the ones with all the meat on it, and always eat that one.”

Master Chief respects the real troops (gamers)

If you hit a Minion with your car you have to call the game warden and get a permit before you can eat it. They’ll usually let you but you do have to notify them.

I’m a chill guy but if you ever hand me a Miller Lite I’m slapping it out of your hand and leaving the function.

Children’s TV shows should teach awful lessons about 1/5 of the time to make sure parents are paying attention. You’ll be less likely to wander away and leave your kid in front of the TV if there’s a chance the episode where Daniel steals cash from his mom’s purse and gets rewarded for it comes up.

Mainline seminarians when someone reads from a non-NRSV Bible:

Wokeness is not a religon it's a relationship ❤

At least we know they won’t end up in ICE then.

BREAKING: Judge Waverly Crenshaw dismisses indictment of Kilmar Abrego Garcia based on selective and vindictive prosecution. storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...

anyway i think there are sort of two desires behind these sorts of declaration: 1) generic retvrn (fuck off, you return if you want) 2) criticizing capitalism. i think there's enough to criticize in capitalism without romanticizing an era that was truly brutal and difficult for most humans in it.

i shan't be quote tweeting the original quote but this is untrue for many reasons, most notably that your entire life was labor from waking to bedtime. peasants weren't clocking in for 5 hour workdays in the field and then scrolling reels on insty all evening.

NO BURRITO TAXI DISCOURSE. NO BURRITO TAXI DISCOURSE.

imagine, you are a tardigrade under his holiness’s benevolent gaze

Writers of Bluesky, if you ever feel bad about your writing, remember this: so long as Bret Stephens has a keyboard, you are not the worst writer on the planet.

Sounds like we gotta quadruple them, then.

You vs. the guy she told you not to worry about.

Purely vibes based but I think Talarico vs. Cornyn would have been won by Cornyn pretty comfortably, Talarico vs. Paxton is a genuine toss-up.

Lmaoooo we’ve hit maximum Fun Zone time.

I can’t believe we all missed that yesterday was the 13th anniversary of the Denny’s Grand Slam. Shame on me and all of you.

Hello everyone, today is actually my first day as the top Republican campaign strategist. “This is peanuts” was my idea. Am I doing a good job y/n.

Watching Into the Spiderverse in class. The scene with “Hypnotize” comes on and a kid yells “Yo that’s Tupac.” I yelled back “No, that’s Biggie” and then a second kid yelled “Unc mad” and I’ve never been so upset in my life.

You got a fast car I got a faster car Don’t ever say your car is faster than mine I will destroy your car

The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, Her Lover, and Grogu.

They trapped Aang in the Skinamarink house 😢

Sigourney Weaver over Grogu: “Geen poppenspelers”

Nothing is going to get better until we take internet and cable TV access away from rural Americans. I’m sorry but look at these people.

The movie “Obsession” would never happen to me because I would simply wish for the girl to love me a normal amount.

For the record, I only recognize one gender: equality.

Three genders for the Elven-kings under the sky, Seven genders for the dwarf-lords in their halls of stone, Nine genders for Mortal Men doomed to die, One gender for the Dark Lord on his dark throne, In the land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

Six genders, a real hit on Jesus

BARABBAS! GIVE US BARABBAS!

yes everyone is doing the lord’s work

Mr. Bean accidentally becomes the main character of fancy dinner party.

highwayman produces his pistol: “good luck I’m 10 feet away” highwayman produces his rapier: “oh fuck”

Bro it is TWO LETTERS

That’s some impressive tech but she really needs to be focusing on politics right now.

An American, trying to explain food that isn’t a hamburger: “Imagine all the places that make hamburgers,”

We Need to Talk About Kevin, Bob, and Stuart