It’s obviously DC Talk’s celibacy album, you cowards.

The first three words you see will define your 2026:

I think about this a lot

At a conservative estimate, Tiny Tim killed sixty-one billion, sterilized ninety planets, and completely demoralized five hundred others. He wiped out the followers of forty religions which had existed since...

A ProPublica investigation has revealed that the LiMu Emu and Doug have a shocking history of excessive force complaints

and tiny tim, who did NOT die and is still at large

sean feucht accidentally left the chatgpt prompts at the end of his post lmao

Going after Ms. Rachel is a losing proposition. She has the ability to maintain a one year-old’s attention long enough for their parent to get a chore done, and provides that service for free. If you told me that she was using her fortune to hunt endangered species I’d probably still support her.

Threads is somehow faker than Twitter. It’s like the one of the fake social media platforms in GTA V. No being with a soul has ever used it.

[somberly] You cannot serve both god and money [upbeat music hits] Until now. Introducing god as a service

Tried to show my wife’s aunt a picture of the baby but accidentally pulled up this Yakuza screenshot instead.

how today feels

Just a reminder that Saint Nicholas of Myrna probably was not at the Council of Nicaea, certainly did not punch Arius, and it would have been a grave sin if he did, not something to celebrate.

Also, stop with the “The Grinch was an anti-capitalist symbol” thing. The Grinch was a hater, pure and simple. If the Who’s lived in a communist utopia he still would have been a hater.

We need a two year moratorium on The Grinch, minimum. He does not exist until 2028, and then we can have some kind of national referendum.

dragon, magic carpet golf, key west, florida, 1985

He was despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[first day as a shepherd] boss: where are you going? me: [pointing] star boss: what? why me: [shrugging] baby

Doom Guy converts to Mormonism in the official Doom spin-off novels.

Think again.

Putt-Putt is safe for those worried about the scourge of wokeness

We need a Bari Weiss of the Left

UPDATE: The Grinch has died in an officer-involved shooting.

Tell me you don't see it

I actually want to walk this thread back a little bit after some reflection. A few thoughts:

I wasn’t a fan of Jake Paul, but it’s still sad they had to euthanize him. At least he got to spend his final moments with his brother.

This wouldn’t have happened if they’d put the files on the blockchain

You’re all going to get mad at me but this bit everyone loves from Wake Up Dead Man is the exact same thing. Ross Douthat is going to substantively make this same claim minus the first panel.

The question “Does America need God” has absolutely no theological substance to it. Who cares? What does it matter? If God is real it does not matter what America needs. If God is not real then we need to move on. Stop treating God like a story. He’s a real being that does things or he isn’t.

“Additionally, should anyone find the child called ‘the messiah,’ report back to me immediately, that I might worship him.”

If this random dude really hacked the White House website to shill a crypto scam, I love him. He’s an amoral dipshit Robin Hood for amoral dipshit times.

Like, if we didn’t have the Sermon on the Mount, and we saw a clip of Doug Wilson saying “Anyone who looks at a woman with lust is an adulterer,” we would all roll our eyes. I genuinely struggle (in a good way!) with what to do with that. I get mad! I’m a murderer!

Doing a New Testament read-through and I’m never prepared for how scary the Sermon on the Mount is. Every time I read it I leave with the feeling “Oh God, I’m going to hell.”

Okay but that’s the sticker price. Anyone with any negotiating ability knows that the out-the-door price of the penis is well below what they’re asking. If you’re paying 150k and not even getting the testicles with it, you’ve been had by the dealership.

Kid who has barely turned in any work this semester and sleeps through every class has a failing grade. He came up to me yesterday, three days before report cards come out, and says “Sir, my Mom says I have to have at least a B.” I straight up did the Spider-Man line.

you should have to physically go to a place to gamble. no online betting.

You are Elon Musk. You are the world’s richest man. You have wealth the emperors of the old worlds never dreamed of. Every good, every experience the world has to offers is open to you. You spend your days of limitless access reading and sharing the thoughts of a man named cumlasagna1.

HARD BOILED DETECTIVE: another cruel sunrise over the city of the damned. another corpse. another widow. another cup of black coffee to drag my sorry ass back to life- *sputtering* ME: do you like it? it's an ethiopian washed process single origin DETECTIVE: ME: are you getting apricot notes

Tragic backstory where Gaston’s dad tells child Gaston tells him “you’ll never eat three dozen eggs” so Gaston eats four dozen eggs but it still isn’t enough. He keeps eating eggs but it’s never enough.

“Grand Theft Auto 6 will have cars.”

I’m ALWAYS SAYING not to take higgledy-piggledy whale statements for veritable gospel cetology.

So many blue chip advertisers avoided the Erika Kirk/Bari Weiss town hall that CBS had to run a Chia Pet commercial: www.instagram.com/reel/DSQ72XQ...