The death of the DVR still sends me into a quiet rage 😡

The last thing you see as your flight comes careening into Burbank Airport:

Runs the FBI by day, oldest surviving member of Def Jam's street team by night

We are under siege by an army of Paul Blarts that all think they are Judge Dredds

Daughter of Robin Williams, Zelda Williams 💔

Mrs. Killer said RUN THE FAMILY JEWELS

The headline every day should be that across the nation, across every district of voters, across all wings of the party, there aren’t even a *dozen* elected Republicans who oppose any of this.

The Joker and his Jason Todd-scented crowbar couldn't have gotten this outta me

there was a lot of "the military won't obey illegal orders, don't underestimate its professionalism." since then 1) multiple cities are going under occupation and we have not seen any suggestion of resistance 2) we haven't heard a whisper about trump ordering them to murder random fishermen

This is like one of those videos where a chihuahua barks at a grizzly bear and the bear is like, "I'm not fucking with that dude"

I think a lot lately about how so many Black folks were hesitant to come to this site because many of us figured this is where it would go and I have never seen one person so utterly committed to single handedly burning any and all good will their site has accumulated like a five alarm gas fire.

"I'll kick yo ass! Twice!"

This week at an event for THE PEOPLE’S PROJECT, a reader asked in a gracious and cheeky way what I would hope white readers in particular would get out of the book. Or more directly, what I would TELL white readers. And this was basically my answer: African-Americans are experts on America.

This is appropriate because it perfectly illustrates how cooked we are

They're calling you everything but a child of god in the quotes my guy

I was gonna say "white people in Tulsa, Oklahoma's Black neighborhood in 1921" but that's probably not who you mean

Which is what Black people have been saying about law enforcement for centuries. No one listened though. Now here we are.

🎶Turn the AI off TURN THE AI OFF🎶

Cult of Personality performed in Brooklyn on @jimmykimmellive.bsky.social @jimmykimmel.com youtu.be/MfY7jG-3rlE?...

🚨 “They put black people in one van and immigrants an another… Trucks and military style vans were used to separate children from their parents.” THIS. IS. HAPPENING. People need to see this. We all need to see it. Nobody gets a pass here. Please share with your networks. 1/2

The way I heard this in Remmick's voice LOUD AND CLEAR 😂

“we heard tale of expanding the tent”

It’s wild that “selling child size coffins” and “being a modern day slave catcher” are the only two growth industries in America rn

start telling your friends and family now that CBS is no longer reliable, because I'm still explaining how Newsweek was hollowed out by Republican ghouls and that deal was like a decade ago

I have questions

it actually doesn't raise that question at all fuck you

You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave

I read Choose Your Own Adventure books as a kid too, but you don't see ME bragging about it

The man with seven standup comedy specials on Netflix says what now 🤔

Reminder that @theguardian.com has a partnership with OpenAI, and has of late published a spate of asinine articles that are uncritical in framing, and just read as press releases for the company and for "AI" in general. The headline/implicit framing of this article seems consistent with its biases.

“Number Seventeen: THE SPREAD EAGLE!”

Wow we're already tapping into the Strategic Buttcheek Reserves 😳

When you caused a military base lockdown but have to wait for your coworkers to realize how awesome it was:

I was ready to light your asses up!

MINUS 73?? 😂

There’s absolutely no reason why anybody should be listening to Amish David Spade

“What’s next?”

"You must first create an account and log in to buy this product" *three months later* "We regret to inform you that your login information may have been stolen in a data breach"

oh he definitely tapped her

Hegseth probably watches "Starship Troopers" on a constant loop but only absorbs all the wrong messages

The "Hang Mike Pence" crowd seems a little upset by this

The only thing funny about this line is that it appears to have gotten Jeffries disinvited from the festival. Man fucked up his own ill-gotten bag.

Black ppl in 2015: *warns of impending doom* White ppl in 2015: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 White ppl today: “😳Who could’ve see this coming?!🤷🏼‍♂️”

Them generals were like:

I trust everything is still totally normal and sane around here