You can find out Sonic's age by cutting him in half and counting the rings inside.

My next DnD character is cleric Al Error.

Hopefully @matthighton.bsky.social has enough free time to edit Bobby into Stallone's Dredd.

The worst part about being diagnosed with Coeliac is having to learn how to spell it.

me: you boy what day is it today? boy: nonces shout out of the window day. me: oof you’ve absolutely done me there.

Trolleys have those little seats for a reason people!

I'm an armchair psychiatrist. And my armchair had a really difficult childhood.

Everyone's talking about the hottest new gameshow.

Tinker Tailor Soulja Boy

NEW GAME ALERT! I made a thing! My new silly little game #Frostholme is out now! Play an adorable festive horror game, where you're cute little guys - trapped in an endless, wintery forest full of dangers! With art by Ben Hollands (benhollands.com) Lookit - misterspidergod.itch.io/frostholme

You can't live your life worried about what others think. You've just got to dance like no one's wanking.

I've decided to start posting all my thoughts to bluesky. I decided this three weeks ago, turns out I don't have any thoughts.

I will strangle a horse Maybe it's where the barn is I don't know what a farm is, but my equine bloodlust's strong I'll search fields, sheds and gorse For that single toed mammal I won't strangle a camel, as that would be bad and wrong

In my day, we didn't have fancy sex gadgets like fleshlights. If we were horny, we had to fuck the Big Mouth Billy Bass singing fish.

I'm still angry.

Does anyone remember in the early 2000s when BBC2 aired a 90 minute block of comedy on Monday nights and it was hosted by a CGI Anne Robinson. Because that was a thing that definitely happened.

First day as a vampire hunter: This is easy lol First night as a vampire hunter: oh no

STATLER; "This funeral is so boring, I'm jealous of the guy in the coffin! Ah ha ha ha ha!" [Statler turns to the empty chair next to him and sheds one tear]

Finally diagnosed as ADHD as no surprise to anyone who knows me. Now the real work begins, starting my prescribed, mandatory stand up show to take to Edinburgh

"My printer isn't working."

Thank god AI has finally solved the problem of there not being enough podcasts

An interesting thing about Silksong is the way that it combines elements of the classic Metroid and Castlevania games. Could this be the start of a new genre?

All I want from a woman is for her to take me to a hidden cache of weapons in the desert as we fight to save the future of humanity. Is that too much to ask?

Wacky packaging is wackaging so wacky banking must be wanking.

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and 9 other types.

Everyone's always eating wotsits, but they never ask howsit.

Character Names For Sale - £3 each ONO Kepler Stabulous Lemony Beverage Pamela Checkmate Thrunt Choo-choo Chunky Mousehandle Walter Corkscrewniverse Scrooge Spellbad Judas McBastard Anna Notherone Elizabeff Smurblr Crow-Dad Beverly Electrocution Turanga Spider-Man Daisy Flamethrower Vegan Blueberry

I don't even want to talk to my actual friends, why would I want to talk to an AI?

Paging @ewacat.bsky.social who I know always enjoys a Dutch word.

Did a snake write this?

Lego can keep Star Wars. Playmobil has all the hot properties.

Ordered a pillow. Tasted disgusting.

See it, say it, sharted.

this must be the large language model everyone's talking about

Today my feed will just be #LatitudeFestival

Before Gwen Stefani, nobody even knew it was possible to spell bananas.

Sharon I bloody died Sharon. Sharon they sent me to bloody heaven. Where are the bloody flames Sharon. Sharon it’s all bloody choir music up here Sharon. Sharon for fucks sake all the white is bloody blinding me up here Sharon

Ozzy Osbourne visited my magic shop. He said he'd like to buy some stink bombs. How many? All of them. I had to go through drawers finding every last one. He bought 900 of them. To sign the credit card slip I handed him a shock pen, which he thought was hilarious and bought that too. RIP

Just stick your dick in a VCR like a normal person.

updated Bluesky and glad i checked all my notifications were set properly

The backlash starts here.

Seriously, use this app.

Warhammer is findom for nerds.

A greasy spoon is a fantastic place for breakfast but a terrible thing to get from your partner.

I went to see @questingtime.bsky.social live and I nearly saw Quizzing Time instead.