No because a dolphin engagement ring is the highest expression of love possible a Marine can give to his stripper girlfriend. This is the peak of military romance, especially in the 90s. You guys just don't get it.

Reminded that Trump was the one who originally wanted to ban TikTok after kids on TikTok reserved a bunch of fake seats for a rally, leaving an empty stadium. And then the Democrats handed him the ban (because they were upset that kids were saying mean things about Israel) for Trump to "save."

Norway vs England The SPF Bowl Miami, FL

The big error was booing England every time they touched the ball they are a people who thrive on shame and humiliation

Alright well good luck to the English fans leaving Azteca

YOU GET A CARD AND YOU GET A CARD AND YOU GET A CARD AND YOU

that's a dumb penalty call. i don't know the rule or care. :) but I want England to lose somehow because I'm Irish and petty grudges over sports is better than real world grudges so this pleases me.

I am from LA and my grandma was Mexican so of course I am rooting for Mexico but going solely by the real-time reactions online I am also sort of rooting for the game to continue to be as chaotic and unhinged as possible

also bowls for some reason? sports people love a vessel

me, living in Raleigh during the 2006 and 2026 Stanley Cups and also me, married to a former Big Ten soccer player during World Cup Time

England defense stop hurting my feelings challenge

BOOOOOOOOOOOOO

kirby swallowed someone whose power was vagina

Heat waves. Thanks to @climateadam.bsky.social's most recent video, which helped inform this comic and gave me the kick I needed to make it.

sitting in the living room with the World Cup on for my husband and our friend while my sister and I use Signal to engage in OUR favorite sport: obsessively watching the weather radar and absolutely fuming about the Raleigh weather shield

here's a wild idea: stop giving mosquitoes beer

Me, a wizard: Where hast my scrying orb gone? I cannot seem to find it anywhere in the tower... perhaps this is a cruel trick from my dark warlock rival! My Capricious and Gluttonous Familiar:

you know who else made a call to a higher power to reverse a penalty for us

They tell me I’m uncultured, but I’ll always recognise a bit of Beethoven.

My upcoming book is absolutely packed to the brim with em dashes—more em dashes than any well-adjusted human being could possibly need or want—and if any of you tries to claim they are the result of some soulless LLM rather than my own unhinged compulsion I will fight you.

BREAKING: Mallory McMorrow suspends her campaign for US Senate in Michigan. It is now a two person race between Dr. Abdul El-Sayed and Haley Stevens. El Sayed is funded by people, Working Families, & labor unions. Stevens is a corporate funded pro AIPAC pro Schumer puppet. Vote Abdul. Let’s go!✊🏽

McMorrow has been a force in Michigan, and seemed to have real camaraderie with Abdul El-Sayed early on. We’ll see if that extends to now and she joins forces with him to meet Democrats & independents where they are, rather than try to buoy the sinking ship Stevens represents.

a lot of us who are huge pains in the ass about Substack understand the logistical difficulties of leaving it, and don’t expect overnight change. it’s great to see an acknowledgement of the platform’s problems & transparency about a desire to leave it while explaining that it’s gonna take some time

Admin 🧵 - I wanted to offer some transparency about the work that goes on behind the scenes on our socials. @stateofgrays.bsky.social posts daily art Mon - Sat and a weekly feature on Substack every Sunday. Art curation takes 2 hrs daily & the newsletter 4-8 on average. 1/12

Yeah this is truly embarrassing

History repeats itself - first as a 30 Rock bit, then as government policy

"Got any ideas for that Beech-Nut Gum ad?" "I was thinking a circus clown and strong man sharing a couple sticks backstage." "And they're in love, right?" "Of course they're in love."

At some point, and this is inevitable for any politician, Mamdani will stumble and get involved with some legitimately objectionable scandal around his administration. It will be an opportunity when this happens to observe if this gets more coverage than every Trump admin scandal combined (it will)

who could've possible seen this coming

Just want to remind all y'all that there is a Bsky starter pack of the 2026 Hugo Award finalists so you can follow them all with relative ease. Handy tool that I hope @montrealworldcon27.bsky.social and @brisbane28.org will emulate.

I was 17 years old when this story ran. I am very aware that if I had been 27, there's a good chance I wouldn't be here to remind you of it. I try never to forget that as much as I chose my own path in life, I also got lucky.

HELP IM CRYING

Raleigh, never change.

hopefully I’m not tripping and falling into Discourse here, but: 1) I’m much more reticent to follow new people these days. sometimes you see a handful of great takes and then two weeks in they start posting about low vibrational people or some shit; 2) you are allowed to unfollow whoever you want

happy Fourth to my Cook-Out watermelon milkshake and no one else

"Ich askid ChatGPT," Well Ich askid the stones, and the forest, and the starres, and the mountaynes, and the moone daunsinge above, and what thei seyde was learninge, and dreames, and growinge thinges, and makinge art, and a worlde wher we talke to each othir and care about each othir.

How do you piss your ass

I would start by glaring at California voters tbh. Lawmakers do what they do, because they know it'll keep the largest possible number of people happy with them. Lawmakers keep voting against farm workers because THEY KNOW THE VOTERS ARE OK WITH IT.

the president’s biggest supporters in town for the celebration it looks like

"Not ALL the single ladies" - Nuancé

the mayor of New York City delivered an eloquent, patriotic, 13-minute love letter to multiculturalism/takedown of white supremacy, and Eric’s takeaway was that this is a great opportunity to make a joke (it wasn’t really a joke) about subject vs object pronouns. a little white supremacy, as a treat

happy birthday hotdogs

important to revisit the words of the Founding Fathers on this day

Stunning fireball SE of Tucson early this morning. Got at least as bright as the moon and left a very nice glowing gas trail. #meteor #tucson #space #moon #arizona 🔭🧪

I stepped away and my entire TL is yelling about football, lololol

love when they cut to a guy in a suit on his phone at the world cup. he’s got business he must accomplish. international style

America keeps trying to get me to go to her birthday party and I’m like no girl u need to go to the hospital

Got to the swimming pond today to discover everyone staring up at a big as fuck bald eagle.

Finally, bluesky reaches its apotheosis: ONLY alt text

DC is, flatly, owed statehood after what they have been through under this man to make sure this shit never happens again