My mum has found my old school reports

Enya, what are your favourite characters from the Wombles and Bod? #totp

My girlfriend just said I was rubbish at describing her. She's got a cheek.

I’m staying at my mum’s house. Opened a cupboard to get a spare pillow and WTF

lmao here's what i got (chatgpt 5)

Update: AI is still flawed.

Yesterday in Blackpool I saw this sequence of images flash up on an advertising screen on the pier, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt so depressed

I’ve been to collect my dad’s ashes from the undertaker. While waiting for the necessary forms to print, the woman there asked me if I had any nice plans for the rest of the afternoon. What was she expecting me to say? “Yeah, Jane, I thought I’d go straight from here to TGI Friday’s”

I found a capybara pebble🤎

About to go out and order a new sofa and have decided to make a point of calling it a settee throughout

I recently had a chat about all three Deadpool films with @redskyatnight.bsky.social. Riotous fun but we *do* risk cancellation a couple of times... Deadpool: timworthington.org/2025/06/29/i... Deadpool 2: timworthington.org/2025/08/27/i... Deadpool And Wolverine: timworthington.org/2025/10/10/i...

This photo accompanying a news story about the heist at the Louvre is perfection.

A jury of my peers? TWELVE murderers?!

We should start a cillection. Someone sent this cardigan image to a group chat the other day and all i can think of is the expression of the model. "The horror. The horror."

I'm also getting a real Erik-from-House-of-Fools feel off this.

I’m sorry, M&S, but this is giving “He should be calmer now he’s had his medication, but don’t give him any pens made from rigid plastic” vibes

Bit of a collector's item as he doesn't usually show up in photographs.

After my dad’s death I’ve been looking at old family photo albums and was highly amused to find a picture of my mum and my brother with, for some reason, Ray Reardon

I see Ross King is out of Strictly, which gives me the perfect opportunity to inform you that when I was speculating yesterday about whatever the fuck he’s had done to his face, my friend Nicola observed that ‘He looks like a Scrub Daddy’

It’s the 150th anniversary of the birth of Aleister Crowley, the man who – among *many* other things – once put an acrostic in an “apparently innocuous book of devotional verse” which spelt out ‘The Virgin Mary I desire but arseholes set my prick on fire’ www.weiserantiquarian.com/pages/books/...

I think that, had I ever been constipated to the point of hospitalisation by my own gluttony, I would not alert the media www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Why did @redskyatnight.bsky.social have some disconcerting reservations about Sherlock Holmes' apparent terms and conditions of employment for The Baker Street Boys? Find out here... timworthington.org/2024/11/01/t...

Don’t worry, it’s not the H from Steps one

he also said that 80% of antifa's members are landlords and if you lower the cost of housing, you basically starve the network of its financing

a friend of mine in antifa told me that antifa's headquarters is SHEIN and if the company fell the whole network would fall

NEW! Joanne Sheppard (@redskyatnight.bsky.social) joins me for a chat about Deadpool And Wolverine, which starts as a profound discussion about rehabilitating less successful films but then just turns into a race to see who can get 'cancelled' first... timworthington.org/2025/10/10/i...

Dad’s books are full of empathy, common sense, and a healthy suspicion of the powerful. But at its heart his work is also about how systems keep people poor while pretending it’s their own fault. So I hope Kemi’s taking notes as well as reading the jokes.

Yes! Also @benbaker.bsky.social to whom I was going to say hello but ended up missing him because my other half was, in accordance with @ricardoautobahn.co.uk’s instructions, buying a t-shirt

Yes, every few months we burst out of our cracked and thickened carapace to reveal the fresh, gleaming scales beneath

Also. It always rankles that THEY got to study “pointless” shit like the CLASSICS and now want to pull the ladder up so the bloody little poor people don’t get to better themselves and their lives with the enrichment education such as that brings. Bastards

How is this repeatedly made into a policy issue - by *all* parties - when the blunt fact of the matter is that grown adults who are obliged to pay for their own education, and relentlessly pursued to repay their loans, should be able to study whatever the fuck they want.

Oh fuck off

I haven’t seen Dirty Dancing either. I also haven’t seen Back To The Future. My boyfriend, who is 57 years old, has never seen a James Bond film.

Funny when you see pictures of yourself as a kid that are very on-brand. For example, look at my painting in this one.

On National Poetry Day, the greatest poem I have ever read

I just asked my mum how my dad’s will was arranged and by whom (as there’s no solicitor’s details on the paperwork) and she said “I remember we did our wills in a room with a person”. Great, thanks Mum, that narrows it right down.

Imagine being 60 & having a beef with someone you met when she was 11 though

‘The mop-headed dog’ @secondmentions.bsky.social www.nytimes.com/2019/09/25/u...

My dad - jazz lover, DIY genius, sportsman, Spurs fan, whisky collector and general bon viveur - died yesterday at his care home, aged 83. He was in the advanced stages of Parkinson’s disease and he’d just had enough. He was a lovely, lovely man and a brilliant dad, and I will miss him very much.

Today’s odd moment from Albania: driving past a goat raiding a bin

Can’t believe they missed the chance to call this Novichoc

My contribution to this evening’s Locally Sourced Comedy ‘B’ themed raffle. From 7.30pm at Little Drop of Poison on Fore Street, Exeter. It’s Exeter’s premier new material comedy night largely funded by a raffle-based economy. Come along it’s always a great, unpredictable night.

Joanne Sheppard (@redskyatnight.bsky.social) joins me for a chat about Fax, First Born, Chimera, Next Of Kin, Mother Love, I’m Your Number One Fan, The History Trail, The Yolk Folk, Victoria Plum, televised Cluedo and more... timworthington.org/2025/01/12/l...

I saw this sign yesterday. Bit boring if you ask me. Where's the fun going to come from?!

You know when you order something in a foreign country, feeling fairly confident from the translation that you know roughly what it will be, and then it arrives and you think ‘Wait, what?’ Well, ladies and gentlemen, I give you ‘breakfast pancakes’ in Albania

As a Christian, this sort of thing strikes me as idolatry and necromancy.

That's how I wanna go

Waiting to watch FK Partizani v AF Elbasani. As in many countries in this part of the world, Albania considers a paper cone of about half a kilo of sunflower seeds in shells to be an appropriate football snack. But there’s also a bar serving draught beer actually in the stand, so, y’know, happy days

Today I learned that the architect who designed the block inhabited by Albanian writer Ismail Kadare was imprisoned for ten years for putting sliding doors in Kadare’s apartment. These were apparently considered ‘unAlbanian’, along with a chimney

One for my fellow ACOTAR series fans