My family had an early Thanksgiving gathering for logistical reasons, and we were all laughing and having a good time when out of nowhere my mormon dad interrupts with "I really like you guys, and I'm so excited we'll be together after we die." (paraphrasing) What do you even say to that?

Fun fact! The "?si=..." at the end of YT URLs is just metadata about who sent you the link. Think of it as the "Snitch Index" and delete it accordingly before sharing links.

DOORDASH: imagine a $12 sandwich ME: oh dang that sounds so good DOORDASH: now imagine that it could be yours for just $37

Pediatricians say vaccines do not cause autism. A bear-eating heroin addict who fantasizes about sucking his own semen out of his lovers' orifices says they do. For busy parents, it can be hard to know who to trust.

We're each of us alone, to be sure. What can you do but hold your hand out in the dark?

For birds, all sex is anal.

Bluesky:

I love it when people call things "bad boy." "Let's see if this bad boy works." Yes, let's. What has it done wrong

this website is literally free and that’s beautiful

Women think they're hard to handle but they're not?? Just give them everything they want and never say no to them, duh.

I hate pull quotes. I get a few words into it and realize I already read that quote earlier in the article, or I read it all and then see it again 10% further into the article.

Hi I’m a squirrel. I was crossing the street but then it was time for me to chill for a sec. Gonna finish crossing in a minute here. Hold your horses you don’t got anyplace you need to get to that fast. Ok well nice chatting gotta bolt

I was telling my therapist about a specific flavor of sadness that I've been feeling lately, and I realized how much I'd like it if I had more words for sadness à la the greek or tamil multiplicities of words for love.

What they have in common is that I personally hate all of them.

if trump is as susceptible as people say (he is) then for one brief shining moment immediately after this meeting concludes and before he talks to anyone else donald trump will be a communist too

I have found the best pigeon.

Why aren't health insurance companies' premium revenues capped at some multiple of their claim payments? Otherwise, what incentive do they have to not jack up premiums and spike every claim possible?

Just got an email from HR describing what to do in medical emergencies. They list some emergencies that could happen in an office (e.g., heart attack, seizure, allergic reactions) and ended with AMPUTATIONS. Get a load of the wording (emphasis mine): "put ***item*** on ice, transport with victim"

TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH. TEETH.

Just heard re: some ICE agents who raided a Chicago taqueria, then went back to the same taqueria for lunch the following week and got confused when the owner kicked them out, and I realized "jesus these doofuses really do believe we're all living in a video game where the NPCs have no memory"

any post smarter than me is stupid any post dumber than me is brilliant

Jesus having the term “in-app purchases” explained to him and just wordlessly filling a sock with nickels

y didn't frankenstein give his monster tiddies

People are calling this a nakedly fraudulent attempt at seeming like John Q. Citizen, but I think hot dog might actually be his favorite meat. Mormonism, as a subculture, has produced some of the most gormless, unsophisticated marks the world has ever beheld. Mitt is a dyed-in-the-wool type.

ALT Text benefits everyone Alt text helps with accessibility, identifying/explaining elements you might not get to in your posts and makes your posts/work more discoverable - Make sure to toggle it on to “require alt text” in your settings

Fun fact: HIPAA settles the abortion debate as a matter of law

It’s always “I wanna post a banger” and never “I wanna bang a poster”.

I think Caroline Leavitt cracks before 2025 is over.

Wondering why no one likes your posts anymore, even among your friends? It's because @jay.bsky.team and team have decided to hide a huge amount of content from all of our feeds by default. Here's how to turn it off. First go to the hamburger menu in the upper left corner

Please, John Yoo, tell us more about being anti-democratic

(pronounce like "immaculate conception") Ejaculate Conception

Everybody: (minding their own business) Mint Dentistry: DO YOU WANT TO FUCK TEETH?

Man, what an absolutely chilling portrait of Newsom. Really makes you wonder who would want to vote for someone who has clearly sold their soul in exchange for power.

Every morning is a good morning to call your republican senators and tell them they're witless ghouls who should compromise with democrats to extend ACA subsidies and end the shutdown, but this morning is an especially good morning to tell them their mothers didn't cum when they were conceived.

Absolutely gobsmacked that the guy who wouldn't accept that he lost the primary so he ran again as an independent isn't a good sport. In Adams's defense, he was probably just too busy getting a consolation handjob from a Turkish agent.

be stoked, stay stoked, all around the country the people are back at it

It’s another day. Are you passing the Ms Rachel test?

lesson of jay jones (likely) win is that democrats must [redacted]

OH SHIT HAHAHA LMAO

Guys it’s easy to say Dick Cheney should’ve been prosecuted for war crimes. But you’re forgetting one thing. If we start prosecuting people for war crimes, people in the future might get scared about doing war crimes and hesitate before committing war crimes!

Hey @jaketapper.bsky.social air this during the Dick Cheney CNN tribute

This is so unfair to all the hard-working politicians who are paid so little that they have to pick up a second job, like taking bribes, or like letting billionaires send them on all-expense-paid trips.

Pronouncing GeoCities like atrocities

Learning ruby against my will

I hate torture, but Dick Cheney deserves to be waterboarded