TikTok thread GO

Once a HS social studies teacher was inexplicably forced to do a day of sex ed and didn’t know what to do, so he told us about a “timekeeper,” who is someone at a bar who you don’t think is attractive enough to hook up with and when you’ve drunk enough for them to be attractive, you should go home.

Earlier today, I was notified that someone was at my door. This is who it was:

They lied about it. All of it. A thug cop shot an unarmed woman five times without justification, boasted about it to his colleagues, and then this administration tried cover it all up by arresting her and charging her with felonies.

Fish have committed credit card fraud

The Enemies of the Demo!

JACK DONAGHY: Lemon, Don Geiss is telling me we need to find a way to make Jenna appeal to the [strained air quotes with fingers] "youth" demographic, maybe a song? LIZ LEMON: No! We all know what happened last time-

one thing about this is that in the wake of all of this kirk is basically forgotten. he was barely cold in the ground before his allies — before his *wife* — started scheming over what they could take for themselves. a real life parable.

Someone found an mp3 of the creepy "Jailbait" song Olivia Nuzzi released when she was 16 🫣

Not to be dramatic but I think these women should be allowed to kill people over this.

CEOs are supposed to be the SMARTEST, huh?!??! Thought cutting out the bread baked from SCRATCH would make SENSE for Panera BREAD?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Interesting thread

Scotland 4-2 Denmark as it happened via the Opta supercomputer live win probability model ⬇️

Key line on what Robertson has just said there about Jota is about him being "in a bad way" earlier today in his hotel room. How often have they been in a bad way and just tried to crack on? We don't know and never will. They've been poor at football at times but don't criticise their character.

bill maher with one of the craziest flop jokes i've ever seen in my life

i think that people who use headphones in public places like trains are selfish. keeping all your cool music and podcasts to yourself is genuinely sociopathic and deranged behavior. play it on your phone's speaker and let everyone enjoy it, or don't play it at all

Nice

This is Fendi. He is seen here demonstrating the internationally acknowledged sign language for politely requesting uppies. 13/10 would pick him up immediately (TT: isthat_jojo)

Nobody who should fuck off actually fucks off anymore. We're stuck with all these fucking people.

Whomst among us hasn't felt a little vacuum about snackie all done

Cam Newton being benched for a dress code violation for a series and then Derek Anderson throwing an interception on the first play is my Roman Empire

Why am I so against generative AI in games? Because I simply do not want my initial reaction to art to be one of suspicion and scrutiny, AI slop is fundamentally damaging my relationship to art and artistry, and I am deeply resentful that it is forcing me to be guarded when I should be wowed.

since larry summers is in the news for being in the eugenicist pedophile sex criminal club i'd like to point out that for decades basically every ivy league school kept archives of nude photographs of incoming freshman at the behest of a eugenicist to determine the moral worth of students

Fuck this random grunt in particular I guess

ok i didn't actually think the Trump/Clinton thing was real but some of his old tweets *are* a little strange in retrospect

adding a section to the atlanta falcons' wikipedia entry titled "Miracle 8-9 season (2024)"

The players opening up about this have to play their games in stadiums plastered with the logos of these casinos, and the broadcasts of those games are packed with ads for the same casinos. A colossal betrayal and failure from the league

Most impewtant threat you’ll read today

“Many of the women say that they were pressured to have unwanted or unnecessary gynecological procedures while in the custody of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement”

man went to profile someone notorious for getting inexplicably horny on the job and got inexplicably horny himself

your dead AI mother loves you so much ❤️

Think of your favorite celebrity, whether they’re an actor, musician, athlete, whatever. They’re probably pretty well-off, financially. But they are still closer to auctioning off their possessions to cover medical bills than they are to being a billionaire.

The greatest achievement Epstein managed was that he clearly made Trump believe the latter was exempt from all that record keeping and blackmail because Trump went from campaigning on releasing the files to desperately trying to keep them locked up. Trump truly believed Epstein was his friend.

Earnest post: there is increasingly direct evidence that Trump participated in child sex trafficking or at least knew about it. He should resign, be impeached and removed from office, and prosecuted. Even if you don’t think that WILL happen it’s important to say publicly that it SHOULD happen.

When I saw this for the first time I was laughing so hard no sound was coming out. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Brp5...

A woman on TikTok did a social experiment where she had sound effects of a crying baby and called up churches saying she ran out of formula and asked if the church would feed her starving baby. Over 75% said no. She'd then ask if they're a pro-life church at which point most hang up.

C R Y I N G this is so perfect lmao x: www.instagram.com/reel/DQ7cPSf...

today at the dog park neighboring the public tennis courts I witnessed a dude putting a battery operated ball launcher inside his suv accidentally hit some sort of button on it, which caused the machine to start firing tennis balls inside of the vehicle, which ended up giving him a black eye

the bond franchise has already encountered and solved this problem

Holy shit finally an Op-Ed that Gets It

The power of the brain 🧠

"babies are born worshipping unknown gods" is one of the most incredible dwarf fortress bugs i have heard of. its poetry.

if we’re talking Joyce please remember one of her greatest works of posting

A scorpion sitting atop a frog sitting atop Lucy's football