a guy once told me "all your boyfriends look like they're from the same casting call" and that honestly gagged me. it's not true, but it's still such a good burn that i think about it constantly

And Schrödinger’s Tiny Tim, who both DID and did NOT die,

took me a solid minute to realize this was being homophobic. genuinely thought this was just pro-anal

the commentator shouldn’t take the fall for saying something objectively funny, i’m sorry

can’t really get hype about football this year because i just can’t get into a white quarterback. can’t do it. maybe next year

the larian thing is such an own goal because i was probably gonna buy their next game just from the bg3 goodwill, and like. well. now i'm not gonna do that

one funny thing about bsky is the discover feed is like “you’re in seattle, huh? here’s some very specific fetish content” and all i can do is be like, “not my thing, but yeah, that’s definitely what happens here!”

Will Arnett was on Conan and told a story about how Conan dealt with the death of his parents by accusing Jason Bateman of killing them. It’s so funny.

i’m so TIRED of the “woke college campuses” narrative!! in my THEATRE degree, theoretically the KING of liberal bullshit, our white woman professor made me fake a mexican accent and a black student say “sheeeiiiit” before he started any monologue. and then she won a diversity award. what wokeness???

“So, what’s your full time job?” Uh…….this?

every few years me or my one other millennial coworker talk seriously about attempting to unionize our work place, and then we remember that all of our gen x/boomer coworkers are such crabs in a pot bastards that we have no hope in hell

anyway we played the first chapter of dispatch and it looks SO good. it’s also fun, but goddamn it looks nice

nuremberg trials is no longer the moderate position. the scarecrow trials from the dark knight rises when bane takes control of gotham is now the moderate position

we gotta get like three VPNs deep with signal chats set to a disappearing turnaround of minutes to be able to use adult words instead of "unalive" or "grape" meanwhile our political elite are apparently just emailing each other plaintext "up for sex crimes tonight ?"

being so fucking brave by going to work and then to an engagement party for a couple i’m not happy for when i literally got the new pokemon legends yesterday. i could (and SHOULD) be playing pokemon right NOW

i finally see that jeffery epstein did kill himself, he was getting too many emails.

well it took almost a week, but it’s looking like we pulled it out, lads 🎉🎉🎉

i’m gonna get a knock on my door if i start posting the shit i’m thinking about these politicians, so i’ll just log off for the night

As I hate hell, all Democrats, and thee

"pronouns in bio" was the moderate stance, this time we're gonna forcefem everyone over 35

what about bringing it around town

🕯️ prayer circle for seattle to elect our socialist mayor too 🕯️ she’s currently behind a little in the polls but we wont know for sure until tomorrow at the earliest 🫥🫥🫥

exactly. saying “i wish him the best in his private life, may this be the last time i utter his name” is INCREDIBLY metal AND correct. Cuomo DIDN’T run a good race, and he’s NOT a good guy!! you don’t have to cede anything to these dickheads!!! put them in the trash where they belong!!

If you’re still in line, STAY IN LINE

got that labeler that marks when people have posted more than 50 times in a day and it’s both eye opening and unsurprising who is simply Posting Too Much

End of three quarters: Seahawks 38, Washington 7.

anyway i’m home from work let me just check in on the seahawks game — okay!!

People on here will post anything. 'Baseball games have 9 innings.' No they don’t. That isn’t true.

every world series should have the benches clear. it should be required

i hate to be baseball tweeting about two teams i don’t follow but this is a hell of a game

i miss playing dungeons and dragons 😔

stop making me read elon musk’s stupid posts!!!!!! i got off twitter just so i DIDN’T have to deal with elon musk’s dumb shit anymore!!!!!!

A house is not a home, by Rein Kooyman, 2025, 📸 via @mlbonfox

the Pacific Northwest: uwu im just a smol bean frog pls don't hurt me also the Pacific Northwest: you should kill yourself

me, I don't have to worry about whether my favorite baseball team would accept a White House invitation, and I think that's beautiful

this one doin numbers on mastodon but bsky doesn't let me have enough characters

I think Dracula could defeat Frankenstein but I don’t think Count Chocula could defeat Frankenberry and that speaks to the richness of the characters

you post a LITTLE bit about the mariners (now one win away from the world series 🔱) and then the algorithm thinks you want to see skeets about the dodgers. no the hell i don’t!!!

crazy how bad netflix SUCKS, btw. trying to see GDT’s Frankenstein in theaters, since I live in SEATTLE, and these are my options. that “close” theatre is not actually Seattle, it’s Shoreline, and it would take me over an hour and three buses. and it’s showing in fucking MONROE????? be for REAL

i’ve been complaining to my manager that i’ve been scheduled to work during most of the mariners games, but i am THANKFUL that i was working during this one 💀

i'm not going to chide or scold anyone for only now leaving twitter. your private, unspoken acknowledgment that i'm your intellectual and moral superior is all i need

can you believe those bastards (the mariners) did it

average mariners game experience honestly

Neutral baseball fans watching this game: Wow, this game is incredible! Some great baseball! Invested fans: I wanna die

i’m gonna kill these commentators. could you PLEASE sound less overjoyed the game is in its 13th inning??? i’ve felt like i’m gonna puke for three and a half fucking HOURS

Ruby the hornbill is fetching baseballs, flying between bases, and rooting for the Seattle Mariners to bring home the big win tonight! 💙 🧢 Wear your Mariners gear and score $5 off general admission at the ticket window (offer valid through the Mariners’ postseason run). #seizethemoment

The tank's role is to draw aggro

People assigned female at birth be shopping

seattle teams MUST know how to snatch a defeat from the jaws of victory, it’s the number one rule

🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡