This Liberty Bell of Doritos is maybe the first Fourth of July thing I’ve felt any connection with.

I put €2 on Haiti :3

When people read about this era in 200 years they're going to be convinced most of it was an allegory and not real

the italians say "la pizziarie"

wife and I are watching a bunch of 80s/90s movies and one thing is that within the first 20 minutes you will see boobies (jugs). sometimes in a tight shirt & bending over, fully nude or in a bra/bikini top. this was done to make sure everyone in the theater is going straight to HELL #FindChrist

Doing some science shit later in your dads garage with his homeys

This is amazing - @kevinolearytv 🤡 is fearmongering about Chinese agents opposing his giant Utah data center… but it’s 2 young local girls in Utah who hilariously call him (and his “dumbass hat”) out👇🏽 Full: www.instagram.com/reel/DYU074V...

this is what peak looks like

sweet potato tempura is fries #japan #japanese #weeaboo

10/10 no notes

quote from the "hobbies" section of Will Wright's article (creator of The Sims)

Will Smith: FUCK Miami. Fuck all of Florida. Your music sucks. I will never forgive you unless you can find a way to un-slap Chris Rock you mindless man-baby

This is the University of Central Florida. So many people really have no idea how much kids hate this shit.

Im going to do product promotion on spec. For example: How do YOU like to eat your delicious Peanut M&M's? Try them refrigerated- sooooo good! #m&m's #peanutm&m's So, I now expect to be contacted by the Mars corporation and paid. This is how you go-get-em folks! Follow me for more tips

@thedispatch.bsky.social youtu.be/ZxM6xz-Ebkc?...

if you consider all the main "holes" you have on your body, your ears get basically completely ignored compared to how much attention the other ones get

Hotel showers

it has been BMX vs. skaters since time immemorial. it still is, fuckers.

Im oversharing in places u have never dreamed of

in the past, the distant past, computer used to be a job that was done by a person. with AI now, heart surgeon and trash collector are robots 😤

I classify my friendships with people based on how I believe they'd react if I called them a slut

No sane person wants to run for office, but the crypt keepers who hold it love it so much that they will suffer all manner of degradation for the privilege of dying at the their desks surrounded by court toadies

alright

It’s my birthday week and I live in LA and I hate to ask for favors or take advantage of more famous/connected friends but if ANYONE can hook it up it’s been a lifelong dream of mine to punch John Krasinski in the face.

I ate part of a Kleenex today.

my power makes it hard to be friends with me because its hard to be close with someone who radiates power when you're a normo who has to eat and shit and worry and stuff. its sad, but powerful people need friends my power doesnt come only from my being american. my power comes from my being gen-x

Thomas gets taken to a black ops site

google doodle fans are shocked to see that today's one is just a pic of some guys shit. well played sir, april fools is once again Respected

eating disorder? nah i’m eating dis order 🔥

Ah, so Andy Weir is like... *dumb* dumb gizmodo.com/andy-weir-st...

♫ psycho killer, cat cassette ♫

my horrible old neighbor cut the little tree on the street back to nearly a stump again so I'm rage sowing the wonderful painted mountain corn thatll grow in my north facing Dublin garden over the summer for use in Hallloween/Samhain displays in the autumn. also some parsley🌱 #Gardening #AngerSowing

I don't like that kid's face

My alabaster milk child Teuton keeps asking for ranch dressing at the caviar factory, it is most epic. The fishmongers despise him.

lizards are getting longer

Post your dream ride.

HAPPY St. PATRICK's DAY, but not nearly as happy as that time I was invited to Dublin to be the Guest of Honor in their parade where it was our pleasure to meet the delightful President of Ireland, Michael D. Higgins & everyone was very nice. ☘️ 🇮🇪 😃 Today we all stayed home. 🇺🇸 📆 😐

Happy St. Patrick's Day from the Irish Reunification Landline

is it wrong to eat pizza and hash browns together

People love filling in the little circles whom among us hasnt been tempted to fill the ballot out *all* the way

watching this miracle of science as this frozen pizza transforms into a regular pizza (hot)

Does this seem like a good deal? There has to be a catch, right?

a 👏 girlfriend 👏 is 👏 someone👏 you 👏 eat 👏 pizza 👏 with 👏

trying to have to pee for my fans whats up guys 30 more minutes guys whats up pee hold boys

I feel like rapping. I feel like doing some raps- laying down some bars

whose cat is this

@lukeburbank.bsky.social happy for you 👌

Who ran on the field? #superbowl #nfl