you ever poke your perineum and start making the most pathetic noises? yeah, me neither

British ER shows are better than American because this dude dropped a toolbox on his scrote and they're showing full dick and balls.

This cracker barrel is full of sad Chiefs fans.

do you think bart simpson got into sexual choking when he got older?

can you believe people live in Denver

can you litigate against a retailer who is taking forever to send a gift for someone else for psychological harm from stress

I am the plate of microwaved pasta that Anthony Soprano dropped that made Tony say he can't get a vasectomy. I am shattered on the floor and spattered on the cabinet doors at the feet of the humiliated child of a strip club owner

absolutely none of you have heard of hyperbole

i’m setting you free. i’m releasing you from the discourse

@joeymcallister.com look at my bluesky banner if you enjoy feeling happy and having fun

the moral of Dazed and Confused and is that smoking weed and listening to ZZ Top and driving around your town in Texas is awesome

Green Eggs And Ham Ending Explained: All The Hints You Might Have Missed

SORRY THESE ARE LATE I TOOK TOO MANY EDIBLES AND COULDN’T ESCAPE THE CORN MAZE

Breaking news: scientists discovered that we’ve actually run out of numbers. “We’re fucked” said one mathematician

Happy There Is A Circulatory System Walking Through The Kitchen Day to all who celebrate.

there're so many ways to fall over and break your cock off

why do people still use carpet

that creed song about arms wide open gets a bad rap- its pretty fresh EWITH AAHMS WIDE OH-PAHN BAAAAAAAH *hits HUGE air guitar chord* BAAAAAAAAH

Buddy, same

Man, get a load of this fantastic wall. You don't see a wall like that every day. Really somethin'. Right around the corner from me; I can go look at it any time I want.

Insane clowns? In THIS posse??

i’ve been keeping track of the water outside of my place for a while now but i don’t really have any end goal in mind here

Billy Joel is a fuckin poseur

coke zero is gross follow me for more insight about coke zero

Too hot to hold when they come out of the toaster, completely cold 30 seconds later. That’s the English Muffin Promise.

stepping on a garden snail the size of a golf ball is so horrible. I repeat "Im so sorry" as I find something heavy to crush it completely with to stop it from experiencing whatever infrared hallucination it's having. I scrape it off the path I typically walk on saying "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

Still playing Neko Atsume in 2025

standing over the sink eating handfulls of dry boo berry

In Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), they've redesigned Michael's mask to look like Mark Zuckerberg for some reason

eating 90% coocoa chocolate and throwing french fries out the office window to the sea gulls

Asking the exhausted spirit Halloween employees wear they keep their chaste Halloween costumes

yo @vincemancini.bsky.social and @mattlieb.bsky.social i just wanted to mention i feel it'd be good if Brent does another draper D story he chooses a song he's ever heard one time before instead of just going for it an presuming he knows the cadence of the lyrics

Salmon in the baseball glove secret trick the smell helps distract the other players the salmon in the mitt helps you catch the ball faster

yeah maybe make the knives less sharp than that

ive started to laugh like mickey doyle from boardwalk empire completely un-ironically in professional settings

The Sora AI thing is proof of something very important: The technology itself is useless without the ability to use the likenesses of real, living, unpredictable people, and the art they create. And the only way to get those likenesses or that art is to summarily steal it.

We are thrilled to announce that our NEW Large Language Model will be released on 11.18.25.

wife sent me this and I cant tell if its a sext

is this image supposed to make people feel positively about these damn wafers? cause this smug little shit makes me want to slap. I would slap!!!!!!

Fell asleep with a plate of fries on my bed. Holy shit

Hard to think of a group I’d less rather hang with than “drunk golf super fans from Long Island who could afford Ryder cup tickets.”

can you believe chicken dippies

My council of eunuchs tell me that you're a little bitch

I just got divorced Play some Peter Gabriel

@mattlieb.bsky.social just wanted to let you know that "silver lining- free grave!" about the trapped miners is now permanent in the lexicon of things I say when things go wrong

hey

Idk what to do

I don’t understand people who don’t signal. I love signaling. It’s so fun. Like here I go!!!!

workshopping a new slogan for Supermac's (Irish McDonalds knockoff thats very prolific in rest stops, small towns and everywhere else): "Supermac's! Think about what you'd like to eat. Now, forget about that. Instead, here is Supermac's"

This would be a perfect and hilarious time to just up and post my weird little butthole online or something lmao