Trump DOJ opening an investigation to prove Knicks actually won the game.

Spurs Thunder so good so far I just got a notification from myself to watch Diary of a Country Priest and ignored that shit

I might not be cool on the internet but three people in my life messaged me today personally about the death of Clarence Carter. RIP Back Door Santa

Me watching day 5 cable news coverage of the White House correspondents dinner

Me thinking me not gettin figgy pudding to me tinkin maybe figgy pudding to me hearin’ im gettin figgy pudding!

Karen Bass is proposing a $124 million increase to the LAPD's operational budget. This would bring their total budget to north of $3.6 billion

It’s my birthday week and I live in LA and I hate to ask for favors or take advantage of more famous/connected friends but if ANYONE can hook it up it’s been a lifelong dream of mine to punch John Krasinski in the face.

A whole civilization will die tonight

Gonna have a listening party at the Hollywood Bowl this May

Just so you understand, this is as if you prepared for argument in front of a panel that included Cookie Monster, and Cookie Monster asked you a question about cookies, and you had not thought about cookies in advance.

Watching that Rob Schneider CPAC set makes me want to write tighter emails to Adam Sandler.

Trump shitting his diaper “Thank you for your attention to this splatter”

Insane to me that people still defend the richest country in the history of the world that made The Fabulous Baker Boys that now bombs schoolchildren as a rule, protects pedophiles like it’s breathing, has a bigger wealth gap than the gilded age, and you can’t even stream The Fabulous Baker Boys.

Because they’re cool as fuck? www.jezebel.com/birds-collec...

Our most recent gen 2 trillion dollar plane program. You will not have health care. You will not have good schools. You will not own a home. You will not be able to afford to travel. You will work until you drop dead in debt or you will be in a jail cell. Anything else is socialism.

Make America (the)Great(Satan) Again

New White House ad 🎶Put the Boots on the Ground🎶 To the tune of Let the Bodies Hit the Floor

I thought Train Dreams was a Diddy biopic.

Every comedy special should be called Clowns Ignorining the Genocide or Why Rogan’s Famous

In other news we also bombed Ecuador today. I assume because we heard some little girls were running around feeling joy for a second there too

Look I’m not saying every comic I know doing the harm-reduction argument two years out from the primaries while the Democratic Party is the only thing on earth with an approval rating lower than Donald Trump comes from a comfortable family,

I, for one, am SHOCKED the leaders of both parties that allowed cops to harass parents of Uvalde victims without a word also are currently not mentioning this.

Jeremy Scahill is the only journalist who I’m positive hasn’t lied to me for 25 years. Always listen to him. youtu.be/t-5fGGhva0c?...

Thinking about this quote from Persepolis creator Marjane Satrapi again.

Dick Cheney’s preferred candidate wouldn’t have started a war in the Middle East.

Heard the unbiased legitimate down the middle mainstream news call a 13 year old child victim of a global pedophile ring a “young woman” for the one hundredth day in a row tonight.

Stacey King deserves so much better man. He and Adam Amin are the best broadcasting team in the league and they have to watch this shit year after year. It’d be like the city of Chicago strapping Roger Ebert to a chair and making him watch Porky’s every day.

I often think about the fact that if the FBI et al had not killed Fred Hampton, he would be 78 today. Younger than Jesse Jackson was. Must have felt strange to outlive many of your contemporaries by decades.

"This is the Epstein class in all its glory. It’s an elite that schemes to remain as unaccountable for sexual crimes as it does for corporate crimes. It has its own hierarchy of friends and foes, and it will defend those friends no matter what they do, while the spoils of privilege flow."

RIP Jesse Jackson. He saw y’all promising your vote to Gavin Newsom two and half years from now and was like I’m out

I find some hope knowing somewhere in this vast country there’s an all female hardcore band forming right now called Bondi’s Burn Book

Dear Pam Bondi, I’ve had better JFL auditions

Replacing Rosie Perez dancing in the opening credits of Do the Right Thing with Kid Rock in those little cutoffs to stick it to woke.

But Trump said we’ve stopped all the immigrants from coming in now? You know, the ones who were taking all our jobs. Weird. www.thedailybeast.com/layoffs-unde...

The Epstein emails should really end the debate over whether society should have billionaires. "Do you want there to be a class of people so powerful they can fuck your kids and no one will even try to do anything" seems like an easy sell if everyone in politics wasn't trying to get on their payroll

“Not at all” For people out here believing Homan is some sort of savior, and acting like anything anyone in this regime says can be counted on

To be remembered this way. Boers and Bernstein was literally the funniest radio show in Chicago and it was a sports show. RIP to damn legend. youtu.be/Ear3mq7pb8s?...

Just started doing new data analysis and I know I keep saying this, but: I really, really don't think people appreciate how much this moral panic was a deliberate and extremely expensive invention.

I keep reposting this article, but statistically and historically it's basically a given.

ICE sucks so bad that CBS doesn’t even have a prime time drama about it

these are.... confessions

This is just like how I won Best Stand-up in The Chicago Reader in 2011

JUST NOW: Rep. @brotherjones.bsky.social arrives at the start of the new Tennessee legislative session with a huge “ABOLISH ICE” flag

Gavin Newsom has terrible political instincts. Cozying up to racists like Charlie Kirk. Attacking trans kids. Defending billionaires. When left to his own devices he always picks the wrong path.

I heard his Dogbert found the body

this was also consensus opinion for center-right types after george floyd’s murder five years ago. the state media apparatus will be working overtime the next few weeks to reprogram them

Have already done a brief run through photos/videos from Chicago to see if we happen to spot the agent who killed someone in Minneapolis today. Don't think we recognize him in any footage, but there's more to comb through. If you believe you recognize him, our Signal is unraveled.66.