Just figured out Odessa A’zion’s mom is Bobby Hill and I need to go lie down for a minute

No thanks.

Give a man a Dougie and he’ll swag for a day, but *teach* a man to Dougie… talking lifetime shit

Surprising number of NFL Defensive Coordinators sound like the last guy Big Pussy made eye contact with on that boat, looking at you Vic Fangio, Lou Anarumo, Steve Spagnuolo

Damn it’s fun to root for Phillip Rivers. As opposed to last week, when I was still *kinda rooting for Phillip Rivers. #seahawks

Update from my mom

And miss a chance to look this cool? No dice law man.

Was texting my pal @randballsstu.bsky.social about the counting crows (per usual) and it autocorrected to “Accounting Crows” and now I really want to hire an accounting firm comprised exclusively of crows wearing visors hunched over calculators.

Portland Oregon is doing just fine.

Well that should fix it.

Luke Wilson just out here checking the cell phone reliability scoreboard he keeps deep in the interior of his Texas property.

hey cal raleigh had the coolest fucking season, build the statue and make sure it has a giant butt

Can’t remember a recent example of Toronto stuff getting so thomped by LA stuff the Toronto stuff had to sue the LA stuff. Will watch with interest.

#mariners #bubbrubb #woowoo

New Episode of TBTL: #4579 A Chameleon's Wedding Day After a big win and a big loss over the weekend, the Seattle Mariners now face one game that will determine whether or not they go to the World Series... Show Length: 2h 16m 13s Episode Download

#mariners #kirby

The Mariners are good at baseball. The Mariners do good baseball plays. The Mariners have good players

Devastating day at my Alma Mater “Mr. Beast State” go fightin’ Content Creators 😢

giving the Nobel Peace Prize to Bad Bunny would have really made my weekend

Activating the prayer chain as I try to stir the dressing into this airport salad.

Critical lapse in judgment. Almost bought a pillow on Instagram and now they’re after me.

If you grew up in the 80s/90s like I did, you can probably remember the year where most of your money and time was going towards mastering the boomerang.

I could do 26 straight hours on this

I’d sooner have the door fly off this flight

Okay but what might the impact be on podcasting?

@walsh.bsky.social promises made, promises kept. #ViceGrips

Costco and Trader Joes are yin and yang. Together they form a harmonious balance. One sells big piles of normal food, the other sells small piles of weird food. These are the two food piles people need

Real question: have you hugged your scale today?

Just wrapped a 1 hour conversation with my mom trying to figure out the movie she liked called “Guilt” starring “that really good gay actor, he’s dead now”. The movie was “Doubt” featuring Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Excited to see Severance finally entering its “Spies Like Us” phase

Always have been, always will be.

When I’m accidentally FaceTiming someone.

Uh oh.

Watching Severance, like Kier intended.

I have, not, and likely will never know if it’s Seth Meyer or Seth Meyers.

Finally some good news.

Oh no how will we soldier on

Any tips/tricks for keeping this Star Jasmine alive indoors until spring?

Starting to roux my decision to make gumbo tonight

Absolute travesty this team was eliminated so early.

Citizen Kane starring me but as I die I whisper “Not Fucking Now Zoom Update”

(standing in a neighborhood destroyed by fire, shouting through a bullhorn at crying families searching through the rubble of their lives) You can have money and water as soon as California declares that there are only two genders

Boutique Brand Activation otw to San Diego. @chrislhayes.bsky.social

I love local journalism and I don’t care who knows.

I think I speak for all novice cooks looking to the internet for help, yes, we’re skipping to the recipe.

Supposedly there are no unique sentences left, in terms of a string of words never before combined but I think I found one: “Oh good, Common is in this”

My longest, and most toxic relationship is the 14 years I’ve spent with my Sonos speakers

Dear @PepperidgeFarms pls make the cookie dividers edible they're killing my momentum

Being 48 has its drawbacks, but on the plus side, I stepped in dogshit the other day and realized, “I can just throw these shoes away” absolute game changer