Biggest commitment to a 3 second joke I've ever seen

Pete Hegseth Blows Into Breathalyzer To Unlock Phone

AI could never write something this weird and perfect

thinking about when siskel and ebert were dicking off and riffing in-between takes and decided to roast the shit out of the protestants

Stephen A. Smith's call for the Democratic Party to clean house seems relevant today: "The Democratic Party is in a bad state right now. The whole damn thing needs to be purged. I'm dead serious. They need to go. Those strategists fire every damn one of them. Get rid of them."

Democratic Leaders Stand Real Still In Hopes No One Notices Them

We've learned today that Phantasm franchise hero Reggie Bannister has entered hospice care. It's time to rally and show Reggie how much he means to us fans. Here's how to send well wishes and cards of support his way:

Adams must be removed. The city cannot sustain being governed for nearly a year by a Mayor who is being coerced by Trump admin in order to escape charges. This corruption poses a real threat to the people of the city. He should have resigned a while ago, but will not. So it’s time for him to go.

my favorite moments from the three who were laid off from secret base today:

"I want to perform their favorite song, but you know they love to sue" - Kendrick Lamar

Found this in my phone and it made me laugh all over again

still think about the patti harrison nabsico bit from time to time

The behavior of 14 year olds or adult dorks trying to feel cool, no other option

I guess I'm too woke because I find the proliferation of this really off-putting and gross. The fact that it's now reached the "enlightened centrists" class is depressing.

leaving the cruelty aside for just a minute it's absolutely humiliating to imagine being my age or older and getting excited because you think you've been given permission to say a bad word. what are you gonna do next, ride your tricycle past the end of the block

"I think Allah just hates Buffalo...and Detroit." LOL. My friend just now.

"Today's NFL playoff matchups will determine which two teams will play in the Super Bowl." - Jon Bois

Rising Conservative Star Just Guy Wearing Nazi Armband And Crying theonion.com/rising-...

The Patriots are reportedly hiring Terrell Williams as defensive coordinator.

my favorite post of the year so far

Bud....when YOUVE LOST THE RULES GUY MAYBE ACCEPT YOURE WRONG

this definitely would have made it into my documentary about guys named bob if i’d known about it. what a beautiful moment of bob solidarity

Nude early concept art of Jar Jar Binks is real and can hurt you

not Lynch's movie, I know, but god, what a sendoff

Can a headline alone be eligible for a Pulitzer?

I got to be friends with David Lynch when we were both at Universal years ago. A very kind man, he was a fan of Bob's Big Boy. So was I. I'm going to miss him. R.I.P. David.

I've got an objectively small penis, and I don't understand the appeal of giant trucks. Hell, my favorite cars I've owned are (in order): a 1972 VW Beetle, a 2014 BMW i3, and a 2011 Th!nk City. Side note: body shaming doesn't really help anything or anyone.

Thomas, leaning forward so fast he bumps his mic and knocks it over: no it’s so much more than that

the chinese netizens have put america in the ground

reminds me of my replies. I think Bluesky is so new that it’s populated by low level enemies like this. these are 1 HP boars in level one of the video game when all you’re equipped with is a wooden sword

Disappear into the all-new 2025 Chevrolet Tuunbaq. "You don't belong here!"

"My pick was smooth... that thing was nice. I was like, 'Oh shit Slay, this motherfucker right here in front of you' and then I just caught that motherfucker." - Darius Slay, on his INT

Breaking: Mike Vrabel and the Patriots reached a multi-year agreement to make him New England’s next head coach, sources told Adam Schefter. Vrabel now is the seventh individual to become the head coach for a franchise he once helped win a Super Bowl as a player.

This was in—my opinion—the best head coaching job. Vrabel has a QB and a long runway to improve.

texans-chargers is currently at 32-12. if this holds it will destroy the tetris, arguably the most iconic formation on the entire scorigami board

rest in peace our sweet angel

LAC 12 - 32 HOU Final That's Scorigami!! It's the 1091st unique final score in NFL history.

The Dolphins have fired special teams coordinator Danny Crossman and WRs coach and pass game specialist Wes Welker.

If I was an LA firefighter and I saw the Brian Griffin thumbs up, I really feel that would motivate me and give me the strength to “do it for Brian”

a huge thanks to everyone who's joined our patreon over the last nine months or so and made this possible. both the story and the production techniques were ideas i'd been sitting on for years and it's been so fun to finally go for it

THIS FOOTAGE DOESNT EXIST