this moral arc seems pretty long already and doesn't seem to be bending towards justice at all tbh

sending my most bumbling and clumsy men out onto the moral high ground to draw fire

2 government weed pops and i'm thinking about quoting steinbeck like a damn teen

more and more i find this to be the key to life

2006: how about having coffee with me some time 2026: hello beautiful can you murder me in cold blood

beaver: got a bad one gonna need all hands on deck duck: (takes drag) what is it this time? another turtle win a race? beaver: put a lid on that shit i got two dead bodies a scorpion and a frog looks like a murder suicide duck: (sighs as he exhales smoke) another day in fucking paradise

wait a minute. u guys are talking about dogs because yr perverts?! u harassed parker molloy off the site because of cartoon pervert shit?!

when someone asks me why i am the way that i am:

Rare good news in 2026: green sea turtles and giant pandas are NO LONGER ENDANGERED.

i would respect you if u did, just one of the reasons any money earmarked for wargen should be sent to me instead

worshiping a false idol or two as a hedge against christianity

anyways, this is how it looks here today and all the local news is like 'it's called rime ice actually, not hoarfrost' its v pretty

if its gonna be ww3 or whatever i'm gonna get one of those nose rings where the chain goes across the top

i mean, so is canada!

i'm personally not that concerned with who is posting on twitter or not, and thats why my skin is clear my hair is shiny and god loves me the most

if u refer to yrself in the third person i'm putting you on a list

As far back as i can remember I always wanted to win a million dollars in a lawsuit. To me, winning a million dollars in a lawsuit was better than being President of the United States

godundme to airdrop me into mar a lago jacked up on red 40 with a machine gun.

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier

ME: yeah could i get the impossible burger with cheese. THE VIZIER WHO'S BEEN ADVISING ME: ahh, an excellent choice sire. an imitation of the genuine article. there are some "friends" of yours to whom it bears a passing similarity ME: you want anything VIZIER: [chuckles] what i want is of no import

I’m numbing myself with good food and fine drink and merry companionship

not for nothing but the astrology of this year is very close to the astrology of 1861 - which some of you may know as the year the last american civil war started

the year of the horse approaches

Days after his third dementia screening in six months the president of the United States, who is an open pedophile, abducts a foreign head of state

the united states must be destroyed for humanity to survive

my wish is that every single imperialist pig that steps into the beautiful lands of Venezuela meet his end there, decompose into the ground and enrich that beautiful soil, which is the only thing an imperialist pig is good for. Uncritical support to Venezuela against American terrorism!

ok yay

🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮

Nine Delights 2026

love to drive my little truck on a mountain highway 😎

i'm so nonplussed rn 😌

the path is perilous, take this

if someone gets mad at me on the computer i don't know about it 💁🏼‍♀️ i'm not gonna let any jerks talk to me on my internet that i pay for lol

this is the yin meme to 'i don't think about you at all's yang

people love to be nice to me at the store 🥰 'can i help you?' no! but that's soo sweet

so i had to go to my doctor today to get antibiotics but i get really pee shy so i was like 'i'll pee at home and bring it so theres no delay' meanwhile he doesnt need a pee test so i just have a jar of pee in my bag

worm lawyer: "get it in writhing"

i love the little knives out priest

😒

switching to serpent worship for 2026

happy christmas my loves 🎄🥰

the grinch literally stole christmas. and of course Dr. Seuss, who’s always been desperate for eyeballs and clicks and ad dollars, platforms him. 🙄

God Rest You! Merry Gentlemen

synthwave: so cool imagine driving around late at night in the rain synthwave w/ lyrics: dork shit absolutely embarrassing for all parties

i'm pleased to announce that after installing US MQ-9 Reaper drones on santas sleigh, the grinch has been eliminated. unfortunately, whoville has made the ultimate patriotic sacrifice,

There’s parts about my partners childhood as a child of immigrants that I’ve had to resign myself to not being able to fully understand and the same goes for her with my childhood as a dark pearl who escaped from the giant oyster they were cultivating me in to use me for evil jewelry

🎄🎄🎄

snowy for xmas eve ☺️