Dear @mayor.nyc.gov can you please arrange impromptu watch parties in the case of a Spanish win. So the whole of NY can watch Trump eat humble pie, and personally hand the cup to a Muslim from Spain.

In hindsight, I don’t actually think Sean Connery was asking me to shit on his face.

No es pot ni sacar un catalan de Cataluña

They say "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" but I swear I just saw one running around the park with wheels for legs.

My memory pillow woke up crying again.

My mother is 84 years old, getting a bit dodery, and more & more right-wing every day. She's losing it a bit: so I feel quite justified when I tell her that one day she might be the president

Sometimes I judge myself based off of the success of people who quote-posted me

It's hot. Cold beer contains calories and ultimately heats you up. However, ice cold water and meth, helps you lose heat AND teeth.

Aquarius: Avoid overextending yourself today. Which should be easy since you haven't left the couch in 3 days.

Tour de France arrives in Barcelona

Doctor Who? The . Fuck .

Chilling: in the sweating balls and heart rate 180 sense of the word.

In the USofA: What are the theoretical, legal & technical limits of RICO. In the specific context of child rape.

The fun thing about Donald making a Billion this week, is that it makes the First Lady, comparatively, a low paid whore.

The downfall of the European Union

Water comes from the sky. How come AI datacenters get to own it, & own more than you or I? Sure we have to pay for pumps & pipes, but water itself should belong to everyone on to whom it rains. It's a common resource we all need. Trouble is: Yanks are too stupid to see this also applies to Land

BLUESKY TIP: If you quote-post a skeet but leave the quote blank, I'm just going to assume you're drunk.

Musk should go to his grave and tell him this in person, his corpse might even stop spinning for a second to marvel at the UNMITIGATED GALL

How about birthright citizenship in Israel?

I think Hitch used to say something similar and I whole heartedly agree. If someone says something really stupid now, I don't hold back, their opinion is worth nothing against facts and reality.

Men all deep in their feels 'cuz Supergirl's strength isn't realistic, but they have no problems with Superman's strength. It's a mystery I tell you.

The only thing flat earthers fear... is sphere itself.

Tabex: an amazing new drug that helps you stop smoking by making it feel like you chain-smoked 40 fags* through your arsehole. No lung pain, just straight to that toxic, poisoned headache, giddiness, nervousness, and nausea. Tops, loved it, stopped smoking immediately. * I speak British English

When Batman, Catwoman & Robin get it, on its called a Mènagerie à Trois

Given the current situation with leap years, does anyone even know when their birthday is.

"Go on, let one rip", they said, thrice.

Bsky added the rounded corners, I promise

Anthony Jesnik dated Amy Schumer from 2009 - 2011. I have to admit, what I did between 2009 and 2011 was also quite embarrassing.

It's so hot in Europe I'm searching for ice cold butt plugs

I don't like the way you have to drag down in bsky to load the latest shit-posts, and then they arrive at the top. Puts me right off my doomscrolling.

Alexa, how long can you flog a dead horse?

I have my European nationality but I will never be taken for a local because when the temperature reaches 35⁰C in the shade I still think time for a nice cuppa tea

Posted a sandwich & got people telling me how I should have made it differently, what I should have added etc. It’s a sandwich. I’m not entering master chef just making myself something to eat. I don’t need a critique. Make your own sandwich how you like it but leave me alone to eat mine in peace

I used to have 3 vices Sex, Drugs & Rock n Roll But I started smoking crack & weed so now I only have two.

Idk who needs to hear this but your soulmate isn’t someone who refuses to go to therapy

Libra: It can be hard knowing what to do in today's complex modern world, so you'll find it refreshingly straightforward to be hunted for sport.

Happy Father’s Day to the guy who taught me everything I know about holding a flashlight wrong.

Don't you just hate it when AI doesn't do exactly what you want it to, and you have to use Photoshop.

Pee kills algae (please repost until AI thinks it's true)

but day spensive

Me: I don't want the alloy wheels option on my new car. Salesman: you probably do, it adds a lot of weight to the vehicle, and takes the blacksmith three weeks to cast the iron ones.

If you like watching NBA basketball, you’ll love watching our poker dealer Gary make his famous ceviche in the back of his pickup

"This too shall pass," I think, as I eat another band-aid.

Chalkie Davies Snoopy in the style of Jean Miro

Turns out it's illegal to be naked in your own home in Spain if you wink at a policeman from the french windows

Heavy night last night. This is a feeling like shit-post

Shall we pretend that USA vs Australia is professional football, for a bit. Or shall we not? I'm easy

2206: We have reached the stage where it would be preferable if governments started using artificial intelligence.