The place I donate blood gives points that you can exchange for gas cards which means I actually know the current exchange rate of blood for oil. Blood is going for 20.618 times an equivalent amount of oil.

girl this isnt even a joke I've met a lot of my fandom friends this way LMAO

my nam is trol and wen i see a skete that dos not tend to me i rant and ror i run amok i am a bor i get the blok

Broke: "Red White and Royal Blue" Woke: Whatever this turns out to be

“you’re doing great keep it up!” *toot toot*

Frankenstein (2025, dir. Guillermo Del Toro)

Grappling with a dilemma like a housecat who really wants to stand up to properly lean into those scritches, but, like, they JUST got comfy.

Because every show deserves a vid to this song, my VidUKon premiere was a Babylon 5 vid to Ke$ha's TiK ToK: www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTj3... On AO3: archiveofourown.org/works/86073936

new William Gibson book opening line dropped

I don't know what everyone's complaining about. Just go to settings > features > worms, then change the "worms pouring out of my phone" toggle from "yes" to "maybe later"

Wife: No, I don't want to go to a Star Wars themed sex party. Ew Me: First off it's Star TREK and secondly it's called a Borgy

The people cry out for Jarnathan

Me: Time to take my pill Me: gets glass of water Me: drinks water Me: thinks deep thoughts Me: finishes drinking water Me: stands in the dark kitchen Me: leaves five minutes later Me: MY PILL

This is Daisy. She doesn't have time for all this pet gate nonsense. Has things to do and places to pee. 13/10 (IG: toyobsessed_and_unimpressed)

lol NOPE

Carrick. Brownsville Road. Caller said her neighbor knocked on her door and then he immediately got naked. Caller is unimpressed.

She has her little tongue sticking out even with her face mashed into the floor!

This is Teo. He is conducting a very thorough sniff inspection. Not saying that giving him a treat will help you pass, but it wouldn’t hurt either. 12/10 (IG: itagure_teo_kobe)

i think about this all the time lmao truly have never related to anyone more

Every time I open Bluesky,

POV: park rangers find the guy who's been fucking the fish *again* More #mermay repost! Actually one of my favs from last year 🧜🏻‍♂️

If I see your name more than once in an AO3 kudos email, or if I see your name in multiple AO3 kudos emails, we're friends now. I am handing you a fruity drink. Now we're holding hands

Man Inspects Perimeter To Find Most Vulnerable Entry Point To Hamburger https://theonion.com/man-inspects-perimeter-to-find-most-vulnerable-entry-po-1849717059/

Every time I take the car through an automated car wash, I wonder how it feels to be pummelled by those big spinny silicone brushes that go whappawhappawhappa. Another sensation denied me by my fragile mortal body.

It's a bittersweet joy when one of your favourite artists is like "so yeah, I finally got on HRT, and it turns out that without a constant pall of existential dread looming over my libido I'm really only interested in drawing vanilla het".

Cow tools

Commentary: Don't Tell Me You've Never Wondered What Yoda's Penis Looks Like

I've decided there is one more Omelas take I would read and it's one in the form of an Isaac Chotiner interview.

shit, almost forgot to repost this for #mermay

Cartoon that flips the "action-adventure series claiming positive gay rep because you can see some lesbians making out in the background once in a while" script and frames a slice of life story about a particularly oblivious gay couple who never notice the save-the-world plot happening around them.

every mushroom foraging guidebook: This is Woodland Pot Roast, a tasty little mushroom that adds a delightful flavour to soups and stews. Note that it is often mistaken for Satan’s Fistula, a mushroom that erases the last 9 generations of your family from God’s ledgers.

One of my neighbors has the last name of Pope, and they keep missing their FedEx package so the delivery driver apparently has time on their hands

"that man isn't dog coded, that's just a sad guy with big eyes," i say seriously, while slipping a choke chain on a different, wetter Character

HAROLD. We talked about this

Josh O'Connor, on the incredible performance note he got from Steven Spielberg while shooting Disclosure Day apnews.com/article/disc...

Forcing yourself to write produces writing that feels like it could be possibly the worst in the world. But then sometimes you read it back later and you're like oh this is literally fine I just couldn't see the teeth through all the blood from the pulling

when we mourn le guin, we mourn one of our greatest writers & thinkers. but we also mourn one of our all-time greatest haters

Being a photographer's gotta be fucking exhausting cuz when you make a gorgeous image that resonates with people 10 thousand artists start treating it as a 'draw your fave' meme and not a single fucking one will credit your work.

Click here for exclusive ways to throw your money at us. https://store.theonion.com/collections/infowear

Film you've watched more than six times with a gif. Hard mode: no Star Trek, Star Wars, LOTR, Marvel, Disney, or Ghibli.

He’s over two hundred, though…?!