Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
@skwunt.bsky.social
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Ok yes, that all chick space thingy is embarrassing af… but where was all this vitriol when Shatner and the boys did it?
10 months ago
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Why does the sound of your own voice never stop being traumatizing?
10 months ago
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Traffic annoys me. War makes me angry. But waiting for my husband to lace up his boots absolute sends me into a fit of rage.
11 months ago
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Henpecked Hal
11 months ago
Things I have not enjoyed on my family camping trip so far: - family - camping
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Better Things Are Possible
12 months ago
So patronizing when the dentist patiently explains how to floss. I'm not a baby who doesn't know how to do basic things. I'm a baby who doesn't wanna
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I can’t believe I just lost all this weight only to find out I’m still ugly.
12 months ago
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Grant Tanaka
12 months ago
Two Things I Learned Today: 1. I can barbell squat my body weight 2. What an anal prolapse is
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Just out walking with my dad with a bum hip and my mom with a messed up ankle. It’s been one block. It’s been half an hour.
12 months ago
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️
about 1 year ago
You can steal my sunshine as long as you promise to set me on fire with it.
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Jonathan Edward Durham
about 1 year ago
Someday we’re gonna tell people about waterbeds and they’re gonna be like that’s so dumb there’s no way that’s true
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At any given moment you can assume I’m peeing just a little bit.
about 1 year ago
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Grant Tanaka
about 1 year ago
sometimes I wish you guys could love me for who I am and not the completely fabricated version I’ve purposely created on bluesky
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Steve Suckington
about 1 year ago
How come when a woman says she's had many sexual partners she’s “promiscuous” but when I say it I’m a “liar”
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Henpecked Hal
about 1 year ago
me: I can’t believe I’m finally home. It doesn’t feel real. wife: *drops stack of mail in my lap* can you go through this? me: ok, now it feels real
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Henpecked Hal
about 1 year ago
"Long story short," my mom said 40 minutes ago
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If I poop myself in this Walmart do you think anyone will notice?
about 1 year ago
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Steve Suckington
about 1 year ago
Damn girl are you a Rubik’s cube? Because fuck you u stupid piece of shit
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Jonathan Edward Durham
about 1 year ago
I can usually tell I'm right by the sound of my husband furiously googling something followed by complete silence
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
bacon popsicle 🪗 🙉
about 1 year ago
You’re never too old to chase your dreams. There will come a time when you can no longer catch them, though.
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A single image from a film that immediately makes you hear a song from the soundtrack playing in your head
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 year ago
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Eternal Samnation
about 1 year ago
Many experts believe that the first person to live to 200 years old has already been born, and it sure as shit better not be me
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Remember when the only intense online drama revolved around someone’s Facebook relationship status?
about 1 year ago
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Grant Tanaka
about 1 year ago
Me: go in that bag & find my wallet Robber: which one is it Me: the one that says Bad Motherfucker on it Robber: can't find that one Me: oh that's weird [nervous laughter] maybe just give me the Totoro one
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Henpecked Hal
about 1 year ago
Self-confidence is my four year old asking me to turn off the ceiling fan so he can show me how high he jumps.
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Henpecked Hal
about 1 year ago
wife: can you do me a favor? me: you bet! wife: go out to my car, and-- me: whoa, whoa, WHOA
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
mark magark
about 1 year ago
ACQUAINTANCE: So funny seeing you in the grocery store ME: Yeah ha ha *opens door in freezer section* well this is me lol see ya
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The best farts are the ones that make you check your pants but you didn’t actually shit yourself
about 1 year ago
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So. I was thinking… haha no. I never do that.
about 1 year ago
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A hill I’m prepared to die on: Dobby the Elf is to Harry Potter as Jar Jar Binks is to Star Wars.
about 1 year ago
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Viktor Winetrout
about 1 year ago
Weed: Let’s make brownies Cocaine: WE SHOULD START OUR OWN RECORD LABEL
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Turkeys don’t take 12 hours to roast… what were our grandparents smoking?
about 1 year ago
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Amy Ash
about 1 year ago
Every dad gift ideas list is like: Scotch rocks, socks that are also a knife, bacon wallet, hammer subscription
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Grant Tanaka
about 1 year ago
listen here kids, back in MY day we didn't have this fancy thing called "therapy” to help us deal with our family, we just silently resented each other until death freed us
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My forehead is so big my dad used to tell me if I was ever hard up for cash I could always lease out my forehead for advertising space.
about 1 year ago
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
weeder
about 1 year ago
38 years ago my father gave me my first computer. Today I will travel back in time to stop him.
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
JB4Realz
about 1 year ago
turns out, the guy who invented cpr just liked kissing strangers then punching them in the chest
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Um. My split personality is showing.
about 1 year ago
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According to National Geographic, I’m going to live forever.
about 1 year ago
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Jonathan Edward Durham
about 1 year ago
before coffee: I hate everything after coffee: I hate everything but nervouser
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
bacon popsicle 🪗 🙉
about 1 year ago
Alexa, trade the kids for weed.
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
mr potato
about 1 year ago
secret santa at the cia prolly goes hard as hell
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
God
about 1 year ago
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll contribute to the global overdepletion of the ocean. So give him a salad, maybe.
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You know what’s fun? Having covid while being menopausal. My body is either in the frozen tundra or in the bowels of flaming hell.
about 1 year ago
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
ThexyBeatht
about 1 year ago
Announcement: decided to get rid of my mental health to focus on social media
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
Ryan Marino, MD
about 1 year ago
Did you know? Black Friday is named in honor of Rebecca Black, who invented Friday in 2011.
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Just tell me jokes and draw me cartoons
mr potato
about 1 year ago
i spent a lot of cold new england mornings standing in the exhaust of a warming pontiac pretending to make my wwf entrance which was, i believe, the first in a series of dominos leading to the internet posts before u
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I’m excited for the spring when the snow melts and I can find all the Christmas lights I meant to hang but got distracted by sitting on my ass.
about 1 year ago
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Does the UK have like 13 television actors and they just keep putting them in new shows? What’s going to happen when they die?
about 1 year ago
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