I know of MULTIPLE musical acts called Thagomizer and will share that information at the drop of a hat do not test me I have nothing in my life to give it structure or meaning.

toxic masculinity has entered the chat

what's a not weird way to say "hey kid have your uncle call me"

Yoga is Simon Says for white women

Yoga is how I find out what cat toys are under the couch

Made a snack with available items in the fridge and called it a "lil pizza toasty," you'll be able to find the recipe on page 13 of the manifesto I will eventually leave behind

The weirdest and most annoying fallout (for me) of the Kirk shooting is that it made me write a manifesto for the dumbest reason imaginable. However dumb you think the reason is... it's PROBABLY dumber.

Why isn’t today, 9-25, national Dolly Parton Day?

If you need a cozy fantasy series where nothing bad happens, check out Beware the Chicken: A Xianxia Culitivation Novel on Kindle Unlimited and I know you need it

So I was practicing painting snails and I didn't use these for my project but they're cute anyway so here ya go

I don't know what these tv people are doing, but I don't walk around with a bowl of cereal.

[me, three hours into being kidnapped] Ok, do you guys want me to sing Red or 1989 next? Oh, and I’m happy to take requests from any era! *van screeches to a halt as I’m unceremoniously tossed out onto the sidewalk* Hey, you haven’t yet heard my favorite Easter egg for The Life Of A Showgirl!

I got on the light rail home for free, but then I missed my stop so I guess it all evens out

Manifesting job skills

Got thrown out of McDonald's for saying I was Bo Bice and demanding a free hash brown.

One bad thing about ebooks is I'll finish a book without realizing I finished it.

I stayed away from the shanty craze of lockdown. Boy was my face red when I realized shanties were not shit panties

i met a girl named joyce and immediately thought, that's how a snake would say joy

any day now some Republican is going to try to get Adolf Hitler Day to be a holiday because we should honor his painting skills

I made a little fart noise at a lady walking out of the liquor store wearing a Trump hat, and the cashier subtly flashed me a thumbs up

Taking a gummy to help me sleep at 7pm because I don't really need to be awake for any of this

I have way too many problems in my own life to spend any time being outraged online.

I was at a restaurant that serves burgers with "BM sauce" so I just had ice cubes for lunch

I want to be cool enough that I can go out in public with my shirt inside out and lipstick on my teeth and people will think, "She can really pull it off"

I know very well who the bad guys are. They're talked about all. The. Time. But who are the good guys? I know there has to be some. I just don't think we're going to get anywhere without some positive action. No fighting AGAINST but FOR

I know it's exercising your power and challenging the right when you post about a certain person's death, but.... we could just let him fade into obscurity? Loudly celebrate the good ones instead?

Sometimes when shit gets real messed up, all you can do is say, “rama lama ding dong,” and hope for the fuckin best.

Me trying to think of something to post that won’t cause unseen and unknowable ramifications: uhhh…fart….ass

Age verification: putting a Jolly Rancher in the Zima I ordered at the bar, and then dancing to Mr. Jones with my friends while cigarette smoke hangs in the air like the ghost of all the mistakes about to be made that night.

Please excuse my absence while I locate and throttle the mockingbird that instantly picked up and started using the FedEx delivery vehicle backup alarm.

I just found out that Bohemian Rhapsody is now called Bo Rhap and I am both appalled at the shortening and proud of the song's ubiquity

I'm considering becoming someone's new baby just to meet people

I'm considering going to AA meetings just to meet people

Today is Listen to Podcasts All Damn Day today! aka cleaning day

I watched an Australian streaming TV show that featured a bombing and didn't even think about the coincidence of me watching that today because I am a soul dead mfer

I've decided I want a trinket bowl for my keys. I NEED it. I've gone on a tear across the internet looking for the perfect bowl. A bowl that says: This weird bowl? Ah yes. I was following a dragonfly one day and came across a garage sale hosted by a frazzled arty lady with paint on her cheek

Is there a word for when you don't remember where you put something but you remember enough about the person that you used to be that you can make a reasonable guess as to where past you would have put the thing

The leading cause of autism is autists fuckin'.

Whenever I see someone playing solitaire I shout "Two can play this game" and flip the table.

I've met a man called Meemaw and a woman named Zaydee, and really, what is gender or generation?

Ever see a guy so tall his instestines don't bend? Just one big straight tube.

Yesterday a stranger outside a pub shouted ‘Get back to Woodstock!’ at me. I told her that I’d been trying for a long time but that that sort of pressure doesn’t help.

I'd like to take this time to thank the genius who took the laxative out of Ex-Lax to invent chocolate.

Not sure why people are so upset at the death of democracy. We hardly used it.

best first date me: i like long walks into the ocean her: you mean by the ocean me: her: her: yeah, let’s go

I also can fill up to 3" yet *I've* never been called a "Big Gap Filler."

These trash bags are Glad but I am not

Now that the cat is off my lap, I see the only real thing holding me down was my own laziness