That collective grumbling, yet friendly sound you just heard came from all The Dads simultaneously opening their front or back doors and saying “man it’s nice outside” to anyone who will listen.

Nah, that’s just Saint Paul Shaffer.

Kids just running up the scoreboard, still undefeated.

Truly a perfect news alert

Always a good time to remember and celebrate that balls and carts aren’t the only things that can end up in a lake when you’re golfing.

Every day of life under Trump is waking up to a headline like, “Wyoming is missing”

Big Stretch. RT if you agree

Bobby Witt, be serious.

post your favorite lord of the rings character. wrong answers only.

Support your local brewery

/pregnant couple walks into a hardware store, excited to start a nursery project Clerk: “Can I help you find something?” Wife: (puts her hand on her belly and smiles) Clerk: “Yup, follow me.”

I asked a colleague a question today and he used an AI agent he had built to get the answer, which I then relayed in an email. Despite being a straightforward query of internal documentation, the answer turned out to be wrong, which was immediately pointed out in a response to my email. 1/2

*Bruce Springsteen voice* woah-oh-oh I'm online

The kid who lived across the hall from me in our freshmen dorm, every day for exactly one (1) semester:

I can think of quite a few more DC Area locals who should be made to eat shit too.

listen all y'all, it's a

60 degrees at 8 pm, I should be allowed to walk around with a tacky, oversized margarita

Gigantic mood.

Oldest daughter sent a link to a recent literary review paper she wrote and it’s so obviously well researched and written, more so than anything I would have been capable of in college or ever. 🥹

With GasBuddies like that, who needs GasEnemies?

“Dad, you can’t be in here while I make a TikTok.”

In case you were in need of a little positive energy, the guy behind the counter at the butcher shop I was just in was absolutely BELTING OUT “What is Love” while weighing someone’s flank steak.

If anyone’s looking for their socks, they’re under our kitchen table.

Oven clock, we meet again.

Flight Attendant Quietly Informs First Class Passengers Where Real Emergency Exits Are https://theonion.com/flight-attendant-quietly-informs-first-class-passengers-1819576296/

This from my daughter is probably the cutest possible attempt at texting “Should we get chimichurri?”

Youngest just told The Middle Child: “I’ve come to the realization that I’m you, but better.”

international women’s day

For centuries, families have relegated end piece consumption to The Dads, as punishment. For fancier Dads, the bagel setting is utilized. For others though, the unique skill of “top toasting” was invented, allowing us to turn that burden into a 3rd *bonus* piece of golden delicious toast to enjoy.

When you name your dog after David Bowie the vet’s emails can be pretty great

The Daylight Savings-accelerated Sunday Scaries can’t get you if they already started on Tuesday.

Why bother doing cocaine when you can just drive five 15yo girls to a party while they test the limits of your reasonably priced family car’s stereo volume with a little Flo Rida?

A go-to excuse for his supporters has always been “well, all politicians lie”, but you’d have to be the actual goddamn devil to come up with an equivalent to this particular lie.

I want a girl with a short skirt and a

No Rain (1992)

Shabby Road

Me when I see warmer temps ahead in the weather forecast:

/drinks 12oz of water (about an hour later) My body: “Hey. We need to pee.” /drinks 12oz of iced coffee (about 15 minutes later) My body: “DUDE. IF WE DON’T PEE RIGHT FUCKING NOW, I’M GOING TO EMBARRASS US AND ALSO DON’T GET COMFORTABLE BECAUSE WE’RE GONNA NEED TO PEE AGAIN REAL SOON.”

remember to set your clocks tonight. time begins at 2 am

touching grass is not enough i need to Confront Grass

"SHIT" "FUCK" "NO" "FUCK" "SHIT" "FUCK"

A young hoops fan mirroring Kevin Durant's free throw behind the baseline in tonight's game vs Portland. What the game is all about.

Settled then. A dog is a sandwich.

The Middle Child has always claimed that our dog doesn’t love her as much as she loves her sisters, but she definitely got the back from a tour of duty treatment tonight when she came home from college. ❤️

Good Evening Motherfuckers it’s Friday

Yeah man, I support Civic Transparency