it's kinda funny to just say out loud that your plan is to charge rent on thinking

just became aware of how swans look landing on water:

i’m making dinner tonight but MY WIFE IS COOKING ALL DAY

“Dulles also joined the history book” is so note-perfect for that airport. Nobody asked you, Dulles, and NOBODY wants to drive ANYBODY out to you for pick-up or drop-off.

I would just like to say that I love The Onion and always have.

Anyone lose a shoe? (and thank you for your service @worldbollardassoc.bsky.social)

That one dude should’ve hooped instead of ¿national guarding? ppl cause he tall as hell!!

This is Peak Responsibility.

Mood:

Me yesterday vs me today.

This is about twice NOAA’s annual budget.

Today’s hourly forecast is drunk and should go to hell.

I’m gonna be a great-uncle. NBD.

WBAL in Baltimore helping viewers understand the difference between watches and warnings

Years ago, one of my kids used this chopstick to mix paint. It’s been through the dishwasher dozens of times since, so it’s fine. Everything’s fine. Nothing can hurt me and nothing matters.

Who’s gonna tell them it might fucking snow next week?

Hell yeah dude

Songs really can’t get much better than “Half a World Away”. ❤️🎶

I'm not fucking around, and yet I am forced to find out

One of my favorite episodes of any podcast, ever. So many great anecdotes and detailed research. 💯⁉️

GODDAMMIT

You got roofied.

Very wholesome. Hashtag girl dad!!! 😍😍🫶🏼🫶🏼

There’s never been anything more On-Brand for 2026 than a goddamn tornado watch on the first mid-80s day of the year.

PASSAGE OF TIME, TRANSLATED 2025 — “the other day” 2024 — “a few months ago” 2021-2023 — “last year” 2020 — “oof, maybe 10-15 years ago?” 2016-2019 — “a couple years ago” 2011-2015 — “10-15 years ago” 2000-2010 — “like 5-10 years ago”

I wonder if the people who don’t stop their cars for school buses know they are spirit animals with the people who are ok with us dropping bombs on schools? It’s one big fucking circle of jerks.

standing at the edge of the vast canyon between rubio's heel and the back of his shoe, shading my eyes against the sunrise

JD Vance Struggling To Articulate What It Is He Doesn’t Love About Baby Name ‘Rohit’ https://theonion.com/jd-vance-struggling-to-articulate-what-it-is-he-doesnt-love-about-baby-name-rohit/

🏁 🏁 🏁 🖕 🏁 🐢 🏁 🏁

Room for cement.

Their crotch in opposition

WIFE: he calls blueberries “bloobs” DIVORCE LAWYER: my god

I like when Wemby just lifts up his arms to dunk it reminds me of putting away dishes

When mid November rolls around:

I would believe any combination of words that follow “LOS ANGELES (AP) — Florida woman”

Small complaint that they could have designed this to mimic the old mariners tugboat bullpen cart.

My kids make fun of me for using punctuation in my texts. This is an intervention from my oldest.

Clock that shows the “feels like” time

“Hello, are you having an existential crisis? Would you like assistance?”

That collective grumbling, yet friendly sound you just heard came from all The Dads simultaneously opening their front or back doors and saying “man it’s nice outside” to anyone who will listen.

Nah, that’s just Saint Paul Shaffer.

Kids just running up the scoreboard, still undefeated.

Truly a perfect news alert

Always a good time to remember and celebrate that balls and carts aren’t the only things that can end up in a lake when you’re golfing.

Every day of life under Trump is waking up to a headline like, “Wyoming is missing”

Big Stretch. RT if you agree

Bobby Witt, be serious.