There’s a non-zero chance that getting TRUMP WHORE tattoos will become popular among MAGA. There’s also a non-zero chance that at least some of those people already have unironic No Ragrets ink.

An actually good “well, actually”!

Wife: I just found out Megyn Kelly has a teenage daughter. She has clearly seen that video of her mom from the other night. I'm sure her classmates have seen it too. I cannot believe what these people do to their children every day in the name of Donald Trump. They love him more than their own kids.

“ur posts have been so good today” thanks im having a psychotic event

POV you just opened the door to a bunch of problematic teenage trick-or-treaters:

I opened the fridge and she pulled up like WHAT WE HAVING, FAM?

In honor of me listening to "Blurry" by Puddle of Mudd several times, what's a song you love that isn't very good by a band/group/artist that isn't very good either

I just told my youngest daughter that I’m getting custom orthotic shoe inserts and she just laughed and laughed.

would still clog if you flush wipes.

My favorite was this one. All I ever thought when I saw it was: "Topics often discussed by insufferable people"

The right side of the image screams "this technology has existed for centuries and was mastered by illiterate peasants"

Quick question: what the fuck is anyone talking about anymore

More convinced every day that a winning 2028 platform is the mass revocation of driver’s licenses in Maryland

Have you ever watched The Rock or Con Air?

Looks like the lady in line ahead of me at Albertsons is having a day:

Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow

Youngest (to me and her Mom): “You guys would’ve been so proud of me today.” Us: 😶😶 Her: “So I was standing outside of my 6th Period class, debating whether or not to go in (dramatic pause) and then I went in.”

(touches earpiece) I’m hearing there are now *three* wolves inside each of us.

BEHOLD: Lunch!

Day 2,673 of walking by this car and somehow resisting the urge to sharpie an ‘F’.

He’s just a hateful piece of shit.

Y’all know you could just not, right?

“you take everything from me, old man” — my five-year-old daughter. just now, when i told her we’re going to bed

both are important stories tbh

Do not. cite. the deep magic. to me. witch.

math textbook covers for some reason:

Sound on for the full experience.

Easy choice if you're a deer deciding where to buy a house

they used to make real soundtracks for a movie

There’s been a great injustice!

Michael Stipe on beer 9:

Dads love to safely hang the hair ties and scrunchies they find on the floor on doorknobs so their pets won’t eat them and die.

Not sure if it’s poor cell service or my phone but I’m having trouble getting messages through to Green Text Bubble people so I have decided to cut those people out of my life

Wish I could’ve told these tired and bruised bananas how beautiful their afterlife would be.

I am very happy for all my Irish friends and everyone else who likes beer.

Heard you decided to watch the Dolphins and Commanders play a football game.

Giants modifying their running always goes well.

I forgot to mention that I saw a handful of people who were obviously the youth soccer coaches of some of the players, there to see them all grown up and playing in a big game. Really darn cute.

🗣️”Tenga precaución al ver jugar al equipo de Washington D.C.”

Maybe the Pope’s Mom can have all his jerseys made into a quilt for him when he’s older.

Jonas Valanciunas, you have made a very powerful enemy angry.

Wonderful combination of posts here from @onedishwasher.bsky.social @jas155.bsky.social and @tiny.baby. Great teamwork. 💩

Tonight I watched our local high school girls soccer team play in the state finals. Great game. They lost an absolute heartbreaker in extra time. Was so much fun to be there. Kids cared and played REALLY hard, but also were clearly having fun and soaking it all in. That’s how it’s supposed to be.

My father-in-law shoulda sent this back with a note that just said: *You’re

Me: (sliding pancakes onto my daughter’s plate) Her: “No bacon?” Me: 😶 Her: “Do we not have any, or is it that you just don’t love me?”

At a glance this makes it look like our boys have a tough matchup against a mega-powerful insurance company, which would fit right along side all the other major wars our country has fought. Go team!

This warning implies that the bears are specifically seeking out Americans to maul, and I honestly can’t blame them.