Hantavirus spread through the air is fine. Everything is fine. *knocks on all the woods.

People who kind of look like people I know, please quit it. I have enough going on right now without this.

leo tolstoy on the john:

This also works with The Simpsons or The Family Guy.

thank you for reposting me. i had an inkling you also could not feel shame

Do you have annoyingly stupid shitposts (ASS)? Are you posts mostly intellectually deficient (MID)? Being a Reply Guy may be right for you. * Not available in all states and provinces. Minnesota excluded.

"Nighttime Swoons" Evenfall remembers your name When the night becomes clear With the stars dancing bright Everything becomes so near With silhouetted branches in charm Finding a new life in the sky #vss365 #evenfall

My posts are subliminally funny. Trust me, you’re laughing your ass off at a subconscious level.

When Bluesky doesn’t like my posts

Ok, I get it now. Dems want to lose. Got it. It all makes sense now.

This week’s gorgeously seasonal Guest Recipe from the #CookbookCorner archive is the Spring Chicken Pie with Wild Garlic and Asparagus from 'Service: One Day in a Restaurant, Over 150 Recipes to Cook at Home' by Anna Hedworth! www.nigella.com/recipes/gues...

There’s something seriously wrong with the GOP.

Jesus Hitchcock Christ this makes The Polar Express look like cinema verite

I love Zach Galifianakis.

I have this completely out of pocket wild notion that you're not solving problems created by fucking the poor and marginalized by fucking the poor and marginalized harder than ever before

Although an accurate depiction of his thought process, Trump clearly lacks the stamina and coordination to ride a bike AND poke a stick through the spokes of the wheel.

Trans people: we're about to be genocided by the US government GOP: Awesome, can't wait Centrists: Thoughts and prayers Liberals: It's your fault because you are a wedge issue and support Palestine Leftists: It's not a real genocide like Palestine is

I would totally trade a cow for magic beans. It's a no-brainer.

Sounds about white. 😒

I love you so damn much. 💜🔥🍯

Life is brutal and then it gets worse.

The vast and expansive sadness that is the year of our Lord 2026.

Oof, yeah. Right there with ya. ✊

You know how some people are just naturally good at certain things like numbers, artistry etc…well I’m just naturally good at masturbating.

Playing just the tip with the gas pump

Stop believing politicians.

Besides for fundraising, what in the actual fuck are the Democrats doing right now?

Mrs. Peacock, in your dignity, with disdain.

So the plan all along was to drain the swamp so they can paint it to look like a mini-golf hazard

Miss Scarlett, in your kink dungeon, with the rizz.

youtu.be/u90beUXTKwo Thanks for connecting with me here.

"Growth occurs outside of the comfort box."

too many stupid people have money; that's why I'm launching protein cigarettes

Slightly increase a band: Thee Thee

Slightly increase a band 10 inch Nails

wishing a lovely day to all the artists who do use alt text regularly

Slightly increase a band Men With Hats

"It is fair to say that the political duopoly we are forced to accept creates a set of problems that threaten the survival of the nation, problems that we need to fix with system-wide changes." Bret Weinstein

Slightly increase a band Worsefinger

I am proudly under-babied. Tyvm

The same people telling us that people want to traffic our kids want to ban books about trafficking because women who are scared of men will become lesbians? Moms For Liberty showing their real priorities

Timeline cleanse. Snake River, Grand Tetons National Park. 🌿