I ain’t fuckin no fat hoes

just calmly walked away from a big explosion without glancing back and i immediately regret it. i could've seen an explosion

bluesky and twitter both have annoying people but at least on bluesky the most annoying people can't pay $8/month to make me see their posts more

bahahaha oh my fucking God

Alright this platform is great and all but the “Twitter is cooked!!” discourse is getting tiring. We gotta accept that Twitter/Meta have a monopoly on social media and small shit we obsess about won’t bring that down soon. Let’s just have fun hangin out in these other spaces for a while.

Won the first bracket of a Street Fighter 2 tournament at work and everyone cheered for me and I got a trophy too big to take a photo of to post here and there were many hot women saying my wiener was nice and putting their mouths on my wiener

Do not mess with librarians. They let complete strangers borrow their books. For a living. Even the hardcovers. They are so much stronger than you know.

I feel like I was born too late because I think I would’ve been great as either one of the Little Rascals or a guy who went to prison for selling drugs to the Little Rascals

i saw the Beatboxing Puppy

ROOMMATE: hey what the hell happened to my corn THE INVENTOR OF CREAMED CORN: pretty cool right

My coworker is an immigrant from Afghanistan. She said “I survived three wars. If you have lentils and water, we can get through this. I will make sure.”

just put a feather in my hat and yankee doodle was right. this shit is straight up macaroni

Start eating simple-but-healthy, exercising, avoiding pollutants, and saving your money now. All of the scams, misinformation, and abuses of power being run have the ultimate result of damaging your physical health or wasting your time / resources. That's what capitalism does.

As the director of the new Bob Dylan film also made the Johnny Cash one, surely someone in Hollywood is pitching a Marvel-style universe with loads of films about 1960s/70s musicians... leading up to a big Avengers one about the Travelling Willburys.

It might not be my cup of tea, but the music of Imagine Dragons makes a lot of people happy, and that's a huge problem.

“Just Google it” Girl have you tried using Google lately?

yikes

Watching DUNE 2 and sorry but this is three adaptations in a row that don't do you the courtesy of playing "Surfin' USA" during the wormriding.

my brain every time the play by play announcer mentions Montreal Canadiens goaltender Jakub Dobeš

Got the $20 HP Pavillion 17 up and running! I’m honestly amazed that not only for $20 did it need very little work but it’s also in amazingly clean condition. Usually these consumer grade HPs are beat to absolute shit and barely chugging along after 5 years.

Took a gamble on a $20 laptop and a $4 charger that fit at a thrift store. Was a good gamble, just needs some more ram and a drive and this should be a great lil workstation for laying in bed.

Okay I found Print Shop Deluxe for Windows and I’m going to have way too much fun making this stupid shit now. Bring back physical memes.

Messing with a windows 98 virtual machine and found a copy of Rugrats Print Shop online

Holy shit I offered this guy $40 and he accepted it, picking up tomorrow. I’m beyond excited, I’ve been wanting to add a much older Thinkpad to my collection. New trackpoint cap and we’re in business.

Me and the boys hangin out this weekend

still thinking about the guy on the flight next to me who was watching Andrew Tate shorts until we took off, after which point he started watching Hotel Transylvania

This is how I feel talking about Linux with people on the internet lately

The Seven Words Every Man Wants To Hear

I bought an old Zip drive that had a disk stuck in it. It ended up having Rule 34 Jetsons images as a highlight.

So was Paul Reubens intentionally trying to get caught whacking it in a porno theater just to throw people off?

The Beatles (in 1960): We’ll be called The Beatles Me (stepping out of a time machine): You’re going to become the most famous band in the world ever The Beatles: We’ll spend five minutes thinking of a better name

We've finally defeated cancel culture. Now people only get fired for criticizing the government

I’ve been boycotting simon and garfunkel ever since I learned what he did to those smurfs

Now that TikTok's status as a beacon of free information is compromised I'm not sure where I can find trustworthy information about the existence of giants

the difference between vaping and smoking flower is that flower has analog warmth like vinyl

I love my little gay dog

Pop Punk will never be taken seriously in the critical world as a genre because not enough schizophrenic creators make pop punk music

luigi mangione getting caught while throwing a huge tantrum about mcdonalds not having the ricky morty sauce

How about a scene where an overly Italian man is sitting at a desk with a computer displaying gay pornography and instead of turning it off he just responds with "woah!" and "Getoutta here!" for like an hour

touring as Clean Comedian Andrew Dice Clay and just saying a bunch of nursery rhymes normal