Forget Spotify, there should be a service that tells me how many gallons of beer I drank this year

The one year anniversary of Yoon's failed martial law takeover just passed and lots of untold stories came out proving that THE ONLY REASON KOREA IS STILL A FREE COUNTRY IS BECAUSE PEOPLE DISOBEYED ILLEGAL ORDERS. The coup was over in hours because people said no.

Here’s my Spotify Wrapped 🎵✨

One thing I always want to ask these masculinity entrepreneurs is why men can’t look to women as role models, and can’t see in women models of human virtue and thriving that are worth emulating. After all, women look to men for these all the time.

Hopefully me in 50 years:

The President has 2 settings: diarrhea and asleep

The Cow Tools comic but instead it's a cow rock band called Bon Jon Bovi playing weird instruments

slowly sucking in my gut while I pee so it looks like I'm deflating. all the other guys at the urinal trough hooting and hollering like I'm David Blaine. guy in the stall is trying to shit faster cuz he knows he's missing out on something but he's not sure what

I personally love that "You do NOT need the latest phone or the newest gadget" became "Economy's dying because nobody's buying the latest phones or gadgets" RIGHT after "I mean, does anybody actually NEED Christmas presents, or 3 meals a day?" Like we can't even do austerity without making it weird

As soon as the tide comes back in it's over for you beaches.

Images You Can Hear

No, it's not a man cave. It's an unc bunker.

seeing a lot of (rightful!) criticism of the master’s tools on this app. but what if instead of being blindly anti-master’s tools, we instead used them to dismantle the master’s house?

I know I’m still an eternal optimist because every time I open this app it’s with the hope of seeing the breaking news of that one really big thing.

it’s so weird to look around and realize like, tech and media are materially worse than a decade ago

Oh, The New Yorker has an account on here? There's an instant mute and block.

the five types of shitposters

When The Splinter in the Sky—a novel about imperialism and misogynoir—came out, one of the most common critiques of it was that the villains were outrageously cruel. I did not put anything in that book that did not at one point happen in history.

*two centuries of nonstop violence go by* "Uhh, let me be clear..."

heck the only tariff im worried about is if my pants tariff i eat too much dang turkey!!!

Stove Bottom stuffing.

Maybe a boomer opinion. But if your band tours with a massive video wall but has a backing track instead of a bass player you're a poser

"I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

Please, Canada - if you won't do it for yourself, do it for poor @tjmuessig.bsky.social

Lets face it, you will never have 0.00001% of Elons wealth but I guarantee you he has not and never will have 0,0001% of the love you have. The richest man on earth has no one who cares for him. No one who loves him, no one he loves and in the end, he'll have a fancy grave with no one to mourn him.

Just realized one of the coolest guys ever AND one of the least-cool guys ever were both named Mitch

Sam to Frodo:

Any day that I don't have to clean up someone else's mess is a good day

Good morning to Brazilian reporter Manuela Borges, who’s been waiting eleven years for this petty moment. ❤️ 🇧🇷

Claymation Saw movie

It's weird to not only have lived through an information revolution but also now living through its undoing, all within less than a generation.

I’m grateful that so many things are none of my business.

Gotta love those classic St. Louis brownouts.

What if Dems ran on sacrificing James Carville's human rights?

Just tried a pop tart for the first time in like a decade and a half and they're fucking awful now. What happened?

Sometimes I can still hear his voice. Spooky.

Dudes don't set up an elaborate Rube Goldberg machine in their kitchen to cook breakfast anymore

My finest work:

Aristotle: humans are the rational animal. Humans: lol okay buddy, we'll see about that.

We're only a few years away from kids with brand brain walking around saying "bro I love my favorite IPs, don't you just love your favorite IPs?" with no trace of irony or thought about it at all.

There's just a brutal cynicism in open promotion of "IP" that I can't get past

Every technology problem is three social problems in a trench coat

We are not replaceable

So you're tellin me there are people on here that were actually born after the year 2000? Disgusting.

Can't stop thinking about the witch with front row seats at last night's Lakers game. They cut to this shot briefly and we both screamed. She did not move or blink.

there are 4 types of guys online. no exceptions