One thing about me, if I feel like you don’t want to talk, I’ll just stop responding

“I’d like more of your time” Yes sir

i have therapy and a tattoo appointment today so i’m not gonna make it to the rapture

What do you do for work? Scroll on my phone and wait for 5pm.

Good night 🌙

Would be nice if someone were nice to me right now

If you’re in favor of shutting down museum exhibitions or banning books because they make you feel bad, that’s a pretty good tip that you deserve to feel bad.

how about i sit on your face about it

She’s a 10, but she better have the dorkiest laugh

This IS my first rodeo. (Get ready for a total shitshow)

swing your partner round and round, call it quits and go lie down!

I feel my prettiest when I’m wearing my candy necklace and bracelet.

Who knew putting a fascist in charge was a bad idea

It’s not a political issue at this point, it’s a moral issue.

Why shape of intelligent life form, if not intelligent?

I miss Obama 😭

that’s what you get for canoodling at a concert BEWARE

whatever's going on with me is none of my business

Jeffrey Epstein's little black book included fourteen different phone numbers for Donald Trump. That is why you'll never see the Epstein client list

fun first date idea: *macaroni and cheese noises*

Fuck nudes. Tell me the song you listen to when you’re sad to make you sadder.

I should’ve known better when you picked the dark blue Gatorade over the light blue Gatorade

I hate it here

Don’t come over here with your razzle if you’re not ready for my dazzle

i really think we should utilize the phrase “that’s so embarrassing” more often as an insult

Depressed and eating croutons in bed. I call it existential bread.

My Roman Empire is how things got their names. Like who named chickens, chickens? Ya know?

Yall clearly don’t have a pocket full of sunshine

if you think you don’t have a crush on me check again because yes you do :)

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here making my friends laugh

Figuring out what shoes to wear, has to be one of the hardest decisions I make daily

Imagine hating me and I’m just in bed hitting my vape and stalking my exs

Now that that’s over, we can now continue with our regularly scheduled unseriousness

At this point, if I was kidnapped I wouldn’t even care

“I’m gonna block you, goodbye” *doesn’t block me*

It’s the day we’ve all been waiting for… it has crashed and burned

I almost told a man I loved him today….. what am I doing?

Why can I deep throat a penis but not a pickle?

Just came here to scream: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[during sex] let’s record this so that I can highlight your mistakes

I fear I may love this man 😳🫣

There’s nothing I hate more than gossip unless it’s interesting and not about me

This man got me smiling so much, I might post his ear later idk

Yeah, you could say I’m *living the American dream* *crying in the car on my lunch break*