He's just about forgiven me for this morning's bath.

Morecambe had Wise... and Penn needs his Teller, My man's just amazing but...

Roses are red Poetry's stressful

"I don't stink, and I know you've just spelled out 'bath'. I'm not stupid, y'know".

Roses are red, There's a baboon Put your trousers back on, And put down that spoon.

We're spending Valentine's Day sitting on the sofa, watching old Doctor Who, sharing a takeaway, and discussing which end of the dog smells the most. Make a card out of that, Clinton's!

£17.50! I don't know about a murder, but there's definitely.been a daylight robbery @wcba.bsky.social

In my happy place, but it's changed so much!

The winter Olympics is grabbing me far more than the summer version ever has!

T.Y.R.O.N.E POWER.

He looks great in that dress tbf

Glorious.

Myself and @ricardoautobahn.co.uk have made a novelty pop song covering a TV favourite to try raise a few quid for the running costs of community station @noiseboxradio.com which have doubled recently. Just dont tell Chisholm! houseofsplain.bandcamp.com/album/noiseb...

My hairdresser was talking about going to a 90s party, and asking me what the fashions were like. She said "My mum said Kylie and ... someone? I've never heard of them!" On top of making me feel ancient, she seems to have accidentally given me curtains.

Bloody hell just seen this "tribute" to John Virgo on Facebook. Possibly the worst thing I've ever seen. And will this snooker ball be the new Paddington? (Or penguin, I can't keep up).

Pingu: Life on the Ice.

Calm it cat. You're not Alan Rickman at the end of Die Hard.

Husband is watching this - every bit of dialogue is exposition, and the acting is hilarious. "This radio transmitter is Soviet, there's a label here that says Mishka" "Soviet? Well that explains this Russian bear that I found on [victim's] desk" "And Mishka is Russian for Bear!" Painful.

Ronnie Barker - A BAFTA Tribute (7th February 2004)

Finally some good news

Does anyone else remember the "fun houses" in Scarborough, where you paid to walk round in the dark, scream at scary waxworks and have people jumping out at you? I also remember a place that looked like a public toilet from the outside,but had waxworks of torture in it. Did I dream them?

My autistic 22yo was out at a party last night until 2am, "Did you drink?" "No, nobody did. We all did PowerPoint presentations on our particular hyperfixations" I wish I'd had people like that at 22. I'm so glad I eventually found my people, (and stayed friends with @mikaltempo.bsky.social!)

Why do we say we're "below par" when we're ill, but if we were below par when playing golf, then we'd be doing quite well?

I've just been reminded of a play that me and my friend wrote when we did "creative writing" at college. It was about a French detective called Guy Forget ("It's pronounced Forgé) and his English assistant, Morton Pinkney. If Richard Osman can get his books filmed, so can I!

Stripey cat, 500 pounds. He's got eyes he's a tiger. There they are on the front of his face. He can see with his eyes, yes he can. It’s cos He is a tiger. He's got tigery eyes. He's got eyes on his face, cos he's a tiger.

Victoria Wood - As Seen on TV (1st February 1985). "My mother gave birth to twins in an unheated washhouse and then got straight up and continued the mangling, so think on".

This is who runs this account.

Just had to take my contact lenses out because my brain got a bit overstimulated by *checks notes* eyesight.

It's finally flipping February! *realises I have 3 audits this month*

rest in peace catherine o’hara ♥️

🎶 we got a snow drift, Danny’s gift and plasma from the bloody lifts axed doors, maze tours and creepy twins you can’t ignore, red rum, scared mum, barman chum and you must say when he’s typing all the day it’s all work and never play play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play. 🎶

You lying get.

I was supposed to be in the Isle of Man, but this morning's flight was cancelled. I'm so happy to be at home instead! Thank you, storm Chandra.

youtu.be/O9IJnmbneLc?... Fuck 6-7. Let’s cringe the kids with 40-45.

I thoroughly recommend this. Ben is good people and makes me laugh so bloody much, his Patreon is hours of entertainment.

This is how baby workbenches are made.

For Jim Moir/Vic Reeves' birthday, a reminder it's thirty years this year since this advert.

This game of Snap is a bit easy.

When you book a hen party, is there, like, a drop down menu of choices, with "cowboy" as the cheapest basic package?

Guy Fawkes' signature before and after hearing Paul Shane's You've lost that loving feeling on Pebble Mill at One

Me so photogenic.

Tell me your pet’s name in a GIF

What's your sign? This is a case of cause and affect (it appeared on the hoarding the next day)

Yesterday, I drove refugees that had been shipped off to Texas all the way back home to St. Paul Seeing them reunite with their families reminded me this is their home. So keep sending them to Texas. I’ll keep driving ‘em back and introducing them to Bucc-ee’s and KC barbecue along the way.

Stay in your seats for a post credits scene where He-Man reminds us it's important to share

@suzyburn.bsky.social "She had a chest like Marty Feldmans's face".

Right, hear me out. "The Sign" by Ace of Base but every time she sings "I saw the sign", its "I saw a bum" instead. I'm looking for £25,000 investment for 3% of the company.

On this day in 1982, Hans Frie invented Bluetooth.

Googled "Male British Actor with far apart eyes" (trying to identify Marc Warren), but probably should've been more specific.

Pick up the nearest book, turn to page 42, read it to a crow, kill that crow and bury in consecrated land in moonlight, dance on that crow's grave muttering witchy things, paint your left knee green and pretend your name is Keith.