Question for fellow indie authors, especially in the UK, if there are local book festivals in your area, do the organisers allow/encourage you to participate as an author?

If you’re lucky, you’re on this earth for maybe, what, 70, 80 years? Is it really too much to ask you to just leave other people alone and let them try to have a nice life without being be an absolute nob head about it?

"What do you want played at your funeral?" "Twister. It'll be great." "No, I meant what songs do..." "IT'S WHAT I WOULD'VE WANTED".

The Bill - A People Person (9th June 1998). Kevin Lloyd's final episode, it was broadcast a month after his death at the age of 49.

Thought you guys might enjoy this enormous cat who manages a butcher shop

Protecting The Kids by telling websites not to let a 17yo see a boob, announcing it on a social media site with an AI that does CSAM of any kid that takes a nonce's fancy, but that's OK bc they paid a drugged up nazi trillionaire to do it

Two post thread. Eloquent and spot-on.

We had a wonderful weekend away in our new camper van, but drying and putting away the ridiculously complicated awning has exhausted us all. We're in bed at 8.15, watching The Nice Guys again.

My reactions to Dent Folk Museum's collection of creepy mannequins in each room, including a motion sensored old woman in a rocking chair. youtu.be/j18fqTwLKuc?...

Look at this shit.  It’s 2026. And this shit is all over the internet. All over Twitter.  All over Facebook. All over LinkedIn. And the people putting it there — people, who until very recently, had been posting sentences that looked like this: U Ok Hun? ... see photo for full rant

Its just been made clear to me that with four blokes on the run and together every single day for hours at a time....that A-Team van must have really stunk.

Hi Diva… can I call you Diva? My name is Detective Hole… you’re not in trouble boots, we’re just trying to get the tea on this devil’s star situation

Kid sitting in his dad's supermarket trolley, commanding progress with 'Onwards!' Definite officer material.

This is hours and hours of entertainment for the price of a couple of wees in a public loo. Do it. Do it now.

Terrifying

Welcome to the Blue Suede shoes help line. Dial: 1 for the money 2 for the show 3 to get ready 4 to hear the options again

Bit of a cockup on the bridge of the Enterprise, they mistakenly diverted all power to 'South' Shields instead of Aft Shields. Now the Enterprise is crippled by Romulan disruptor fire but Sarah Millican is - to her suprise- completely invulnerable.

Many years ago I took a series of photos around my house, close ups of the edge of a table or a door frame, a windowsill. Somehow, without a marker of scale, they evoked great landscapes and skies. I called them Tiny Horizons. Presented without alt text as I've basically already described them.

I've just discovered that Heather Locklear wasn't in The Fall Guy. Also I had such a crush on Howie.

@pantosplaining.bsky.social Should be on the IMAX every week.

I'm in one of those moods where I don't trust what's going to come out of my mouth, like my brain couldn't care less about my job and bank balance!

Sick and tired of this common (TOO common) habit of people referring to EVERY piece of music they like as “bangers” and yet only “Suicide is Painless” by Johnny Mandel is “M*A*S*H”

Morning

Set the alarms off in Tesco with a tag on a pair of denim shorts. Security guard took it off without even checking my receipt. My kid "it's because you look exhausted, and like you'd smack him if he tried". #menopause

Friends fear she watched La La Land and now, once again, thinks she can tap dance.

Saluted a single magpie for luck, and nearly took my eye out with the steak knife I was eating with.

I haven’t been watching Half Man, but I’m looking forward to the sequel Half Biscuit.

Sitting feeling a bit flat in a cafe, after a hectic time at work. There's a toddler running around, and every time she passes me, she gives me a massive smile and says "wainbow" because there's stripes on my top. It's making my day.

@danielpemberton.bsky.social Is there a hint of the X Files theme in "Connection"? #ProjectHailMary

I'm just a girl, standing in front of @philiplord.bsky.social, @chrizmillr.bsky.social and @danielpemberton.bsky.social, asking for an IMAX showing of Project Hail Mary with a live orchestra and choir. #Projecthailmary

Ask us a question or tell us what you thought of season 3 - either of ALF or the Splaining. We'd love to hear from you. It sounds insincere but its true.

Its the start of the month and - if you like my stuff - a very good time to join my Patreon. It'll support me continuing to make daft things and there's over a decade of writing, radio, podcasts and other nonsense which can be yours for the cost of some mid-level ham. www.patreon.com/c/BenBaker2000

The Ted Moult section on @pantosplaining.bsky.social...

New obsession loading, apologies. I'll be normal again in 6-12 business months.

tom hanks doing press with tim allen always looks like someone introducing their work friends to their mate from back home who still works at the bowling alley.

We’re just innocent men

Take two oranges into the shower? No I just

Shit, we've got mice.

AMAZE, AMAZE!

So now that Ozzy Osborne and Stan Lee are both holograms one of them can bite the head off a bat and the other one can claim to have created it.

Who wouldnt want to hear two people trying to describe visual jokes in the audio medium? Subscribe today!

Initially they just thought she was far away.

start hydrated do a splash

TERFs knocking on the toilet cubicle door.

Me when I realize I don't have a little treat because I was responsible at the supermarket

I've seen posts about picking the latest Bond villain with some fine suggestions 😂😂 but pick one from this picture it's difficult 🤔🤔

A waist of time and space

Section 28 was passed on this day in 1988. It didn’t come out of nowhere. It came from a society where 75% of people thought homosexuality was wrong. It came from a society that believed ignorance was better for children than any knowledge of lesbian or gay lives. 🧵 1/16