Not all Americans. But always an American.

I’m at the cinema 2 min before the advertised start time and I’m literally the only person here

Just got home and by my count I have seen 26 bands since Wednesday. I am broken. #TGE

“Well of course you’ll applaud if we invade Taiwan because that is what a strong man would do. A clever man. A brave man. A big strong clever man would let us walk right in to Taiwan and say it was a good thing because that would show how big and strong and clever and great he is “.

I don’t generally like to form an opinion on the latest The Next Big Thing or buzz band, no matter the hype, until I’ve seen them conjure it out of thin air in front of my own eyes. So last night I did just that. And - they were incredible. Never seen or heard anything like it. ▲

oh fuck off Wordle ⬜🟩⬜🟩🟩 ⬜🟩⬜🟩🟩 ⬜🟩⬜🟩🟩 ⬜🟩⬜🟩🟩 ⬜🟩⬜🟩🟩 ⬜🟩⬜🟩🟩

POITRIIINE ▲

He’s lost the dressing room hasn’t he

Shaft #OldJokes

Just seen Richard Dawkins telling a speak your weight machine that it's wearing a smashing blouse.

Wuuuuu

Garden reptile! First time in ages I’ve seen one that hadn’t already been disassembled by the local cats or foxes

Watching Prince on BBC4. He was quite good.

Man Who Threw Molotov Cocktail At Sam Altman’s Home Claims He Was Following ChatGPT Recipe For Risotto

Trump: Cave or we kill you all. Iran: no Trump: Ok what if we give you everything you want and stop bombing you Iran: um ok Israel: shit, we better bomb Lebanon Lebanon: wtf Iran: wtf Vance: nobody mentioned you Pakistan: they were literally in the text Trump: … I totally won Iran: u ok?

They say every dog has it's day, but there are way more than seven dogs.

oh Wales

Working from sofa this afternoon, and in the background the tv is showing a repeat of the game of thrones final season episode with the big battle against the white walkers. It truly is one of the worst episodes of any series ever broadcast. In so many ways. What a waste.

My latest favourite band is middle eastern jazz drone rock played by Mr Noseybonk and Dusty Bin

Keir Starmer is a cowardly sack of shit who needs to grow a spine and tell that orange paedo to fuck off

Yesterday I went to the cinema for the first time in about 8 years. Purely because I was in a place where there was nothing else to do. Enjoyed it apart from 2 hours of eating and wheezing noises from the guy next to me. Saw the Peaky Blinders film. Didn’t even know there was a Peaky Blinders film.

When The Specials replaced Jerry Dammers with Bananarama #totp

My favourite movie of the 2010s was The Mandela Effect with Brad Pitt and Jennifer Lawrence but I can’t find anything about it on IMDB

Cockney weekender at the local. Having a sing song rahnd the joanna. Pie & mash was ‘andsome.

When Trump dies, nobody will be holding his hand.

Not everybody can fuck off as much as Laura Kuenssberg can fuck off. Laura Kuenssberg can fuck as far off as it is possible to fuck.

I know it's not the main issue, but what's the FIFA protocol for when a host nation for a world cup attacks or declares war against a participating nation in the run up to the competition? especially when the head of the host nation is in receipt of your inaugural peace prize?

Matt "Good win"? More like Matt Cunt

Hit: remembering you have a whole packet of chocolate digestives in the bread bin. Shit: opening the bread bin to realise your son found the chocolate digestives and in fact you have zero chocolate digestives.

I’m at my local non-league club for the local derby. It’s muddy, it’s pissing down with rain, there are about 200 people here, balls keep getting hoofed over the fence, some people have brought their dogs. It’s brilliant. #properfootball

Went to a record fair earlier, the price of entry included a mystery bag of six 7” singles. Just got home and played them, they’re an interesting mixed bag (literally) of genres including rock n roll, disco, prog, pop and dogshit.

I saw a post on @fesshole.bsky.social and thought oh for fuck’s sake I was going to submit the exact same thing, how has some other fucker stolen my confession? Then I remembered I had actually submitted it a week or two ago so that fucker was me. I’m an idiot.

I am currently grinding my way through season 5 of Stranger Things, and increasingly I’ve been feeling it would’ve been better to have renamed the show The Same Fucking Things.

Lego Jimmy Carr

I hadn’t seen any news today so probably a bit behind with this, but am proud to announce that before he died my grandad gave me his WW2 medals which means I stormed the beaches of Normandy on D Day.

Rats from a sinking ship. From a sinking ship to a stinking shit.

Top five video game duologies of all time that are perfect as they are and should be left alone without a third in case it spoils it Half-Life Portal Dishonored Red Dead Redemption and…? #Games

Just started watching season 5 of stranger things and I’m probably very late to the party but I’d like to confirm that all the 25-30 year old teenagers are jolly convincing

yeah well I just stood next to Siouxsie Sioux beat that

Just went to text “do you want anything from the bar” to my wife while not really looking at my thumb or the screen, thankfully noticed before I hit send that autocorrect had changed it to “do you want anything glutton gut bag”

This risks undermining the dignity and stature of the FIFA peace prize

Maybe losing bookings is something that should be easily foreseeable if you change your venue’s name from “The Beloved National Icon Center” to “The Racist Pedophile and Beloved National Icon Center”

I’ve been to both old and new Wembley for both football and gigs. Old Wembley for football was best. New Wembley for a a gig was worst.

Boxing Day menu: Sikandari Raan Hoisin Salmon Gammon with marmalade glaze Too many roast potatoes Red cabbage with apple, dates & sherry Carrots in maple & star anise Sprouts with chestnuts The European cheese mountain

I posted earlier about my favourite moment of Jaws being a change in Robert Shaw’s expression during the USS Indianapolis monologue. Three more favourite world-class non-verbal acting moments: