Who up Priding their Prejudice?

Fight, flight, and a secret third thing (Fart)

Fight, flight and a secret 3rd thing (Cheese)

Only one more day until half price chocolate day!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Cheese

Only 2 days until half price heart shaped chocolate day!

WIFE: So what did you do today? ME: I wrote a movie where Cupid was a Stormtrooper. Calling it Love Inaccurately. HER: Sometimes it's ok to say 'nothing'.

Napping from 6-8pm seemed like a good idea at the time…..

Sex is great and all, but have you ever had an effortless poo that makes you feel 10lbs lighter? This is shit posting!

What’s your favourite Disney movie?

Stoopid insomnia making me eat cheese at 3:30am!

Now drafts are here, I will just save all my skeets & get the same amount of likes as I would if I posted them

Post a banger not in English… youtu.be/StZcUAPRRac?...

That was damn good! Turns off tv

I am not American, so I am not bothered about the game, but I am going to watch the American citizen performing at half time

15 seconds left in the 2nd quarter of the sportsball game, so only an hour until the halftime show!

How much cheese do I need to eat to go into a coma?

Goon Baby Goon

"I'M SELF-SUFFICIENT!!" I shriek as I press the 'start' button on my bread maker.

*me to a film exec* "I've got an idea.... zombies... in a Neanderthal community...! 👐"

You’re at Rage I need you at Machine

Reverse clowngirl, so I can honk your balls

Of all things you can micro dose, cheese should not be one of them!

I had a dream that the rhythm was going to get me.

There is a big difference between a shitposter & a shit poster. I am one of of the latter

John Oliver: Cats only want two things. Fancy Feast chicken paté and the slow painful death of their enemies. 🤣💀

You can’t hurt me, I once got a paper cut while opening an orange juice container

Watched an old man almost literally die from embarrassment this morning. In the very busy med clinic waiting room, his wife suddenly slaps his arm and loudly says "Be sure to ask him about the finger in your butt exam!" I swear I could hear him turn red. People are awful, but sometimes amusing!

I have started compiling ingredients for Christmas baking. Shit’s expensive. This year’s theme is ❄️Generic cocoa was on sale❄️ Everybody getting mid chocolate wasted this year.

Did you know that in Canada, if a budget doesn’t pass the government doesn’t shut down? Federal workers aren’t furloughed. Funding for social services doesn’t dry up. Failure to pass a budget triggers an election. It puts the politicians jobs on the line. They get the budget passed.

He didn’t have a birth certificate, he had an apology letter from Trojan

Thank fuck for noise canceling headphones. Otherwise all these emergency vehicles would be really fucking annoying.

Hear me out, thought cancelling headphones!

Adulting? In this economy?

Appreciate the beauty in everything.

Depression doesn't discriminate. It can kill anyone.

We’re gonna need bigger hips!

sharkira, shakira: thread

That must be a lollipop in her other hand…

Yes, I know what today is. More on that soon. ❤️🤍💙