Just wanted to get something out of the way: I believe that every one of you are both my attorney and accountant and I consider each post to be financial and legal advice.

i celebrate st. patrick’s day as the lord intended, by helicoptering a snake over my head and heaving it at a protestant

There are buttholes everywhere for those with the eyes to see…

I’m like Demosthenes every time I pull out The Foot Book.

Iran won't be a forever war. We will give up in a few weeks . by Pete Hegseth

I'm sorry ma'am, but your son perished on Kharg Island in a valiant effort to create Wii Bowling meme videos for the White House X account. In the face of danger, he was not cringe; he was based to his last breath. Please have this commemorative Epic Fury challenge coin. Yes that's Punisher, ma'am

I'm sorry that your sworn testimony is causing you reputational damage.

He's so crazy I'm surprised I didn't date him in my 20s

Laker Fans Furious As Bam Adebayo Dies In Even Worse Helicopter Crash

This seems bad.

leg day is woke

How high’s the oil price, Mama? $115/bbl and risin’

Needs more Doc Martens, but it’s a good start.

Corey Lewandowski to begin affair with Markwayne Mullin

Sen. Markwayne Mullin has died of taking a standardized third grade reading level test. He is expected to be replaced at the Department of Homeland Security by two stray dogs humping.

Aya2llah

It’s actually FEWER Misérables

Raytheon Executive: I know you’re skeptical about buying American again. But hear me out. The MIM-104 Patriot is the only surface to air missile system with a proven track record of success against the US Air Force. Danish Defense Minister: Continue.

I think about this Tony Benn speech much more than I used to

NO BLOOD FOR EPSTEIN!

Double tortilla bar pie remains undefeated as the quick and dirty Sunday evening dinner solution.

Gotta feel so good being an evil piece of shit.

Charlie Kirk Agrees To Meet With Ali Khamenei

Kash Patel in 2023: “I’m just saying Chris Wray doesn’t need a government funded G5 jet to go to vacations. Maybe we ground that plane. $15,000 every time it takes off. Just a thought.”

Pan roasted salmon belly with artichoke & charred tomato farro.

whatever happened to that one guy? he would always go around on campus and argue with kids about his right wing opinions. like he would say really nasty stuff and smile when they got mad? he had his own company for it, actually. i think he was married to some lady too. havent seen him lately

Similar vibe to “I’ve learned that the Senate has installed Marcus Livius Drusus as Tribune of the Plebes in an effort to ratfuck the reforms proposed by Gaius Sempronious Gracchus, strengthening the Patrician class‘ grip on power in the Republic”. @patrickwyman.bsky.social @mikeduncan.bsky.social

When the time comes I hope it goes especially poorly for Stephen Cheung. What an absolutely vile troll.

Deeply ashamed to live in a country where tweeting this isn’t instant career suicide

Molon labia

They’re playing a live show in November, I would killlllllll to go.

Can’t be long now…

UMMMM…so like, what is SEPTIC JUICE? Because I do not want any…

DrakeMaye!

Wake up. Make breakfast. Do email. Watch a murder. Go to a party for a 5 year old. Laugh with my daughter. See a different angle of that murder. Hear govt officials slander the victim. Play Barbies with my kid. Feed her dinner. Tear up at that victim reading last honors to a vet. Put kid to bed. USA

CBS News is reporting that the ICE officers who killed Alex Pretti suffered internal injuries during the shooting.

Tobias Kinter Bencosme, 44, of Miami, FL, is an ICE Supervisory Detention Agent who participated in the illegal home invasion and kidnapping of an elderly American citizen in St Paul, MN on 1/18/2026. Bencosme dragged the Hmong grandfather outside in the frigid air wearing only boxers and a blanket.

I like you Stuart… m.youtube.com/watch?v=71PN...

Bills of Attainder: Cribs Edition!

I see fresh porcinis, I buy them…

A few years ago, Brian Rose gave me a tour of the Penn Museum. One of my favorite items is this clay brick from ca. 2000 BCE, Ur (Iraq). I show it on the first day of classes because reconstructing the lives of ancient people often means working from the small impressions we all leave on the earth 👣

Just been reminded of how good Drinking in LA by Bran Van 3000 is, so here you go, have it on your timeline too: www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQsQ...

hey train perverts wanna see the shinkansen cloaca

TGIF

Behold! America’s oldest functioning microwave, currently imbuing my eggplant parm with all manner of terrifying radionuclides.