introduce yourself with 10 bands/musicians you’ve seen live david bowie the cult the beastie boys metalica public enemy pearl jam willie nelson sharon jones and the dap kings sturgill simpson the ramones

bar beer bottle beating is my favorite house of pain b-side

Listen, man, obnoxiously hollering shitty opinions about ancient Greece has been the #1 hobby of the decadent upper class since at least the 15th century

it’s mambo no. 5

today is the day my wife regrets all those times she told me she’s not my mother

AVERAGE WHITE MLB PLAYER: has 18 latino teammates he doesn’t speak to, believes the 2020 election was stolen and is in a group text with morgan wallen AVERAGE WHITE NBA PLAYER: wokest dude you’ve ever met, has gotten into several fistfights over a teammate being called a slur, knows every nas lyric

tyler childers puts on a helluva show

Fractures Emerge Between GOP’s Pro-Pedophilia, Extremely Pro-Pedophilia Wings

The history books were absolutely cooking me. Simply because of who I had been and what I had done.

she would like to speak to the manager

trump will keep the republicans in congress in line by threatening to send jd vance to campaign for them

we manage to time it where we were walking out of project hail mary just as the artemis was splashing down. give me more of this, what do you call it again? joy, wonder and optimism?

going tonight because it’s still my best theater option. not ordering any food so my ticket costs them money

Well, neither have made a good album since 2016, if that helps your argument

we have a substitute today

everything everywhere all at once buffet

atheists and evangelicals have one thing in common. neither of us care what the bible says

meh friday

so far the biggest change ai has brought to my daily work is that instead of telling account that forwarding the client email doesn’t count as a creative brief i’m telling them sharing the ai client meeting transcript doesn’t count as a creative brief

advertising works on you

I slept in my Harold Melvin & the Blue Notes shirt and i woke up everybody

“Keep in mind that every website you go to while on the White House network, even while using incognito mode, is cached and can be reviewed on our end,” the memo read https://theonion.com/white-house-it-guy-sends-out-reminder-memo-about-child-porn/

to be fair, i’ve ended up at several waffle houses with no recollection of how i got there

the enemy has no defense against cringe

(ludacris voice) whore-mooz

bros. re-rack your weights bros. what the fuck bros. bros, this i why they hate us

RFK Jr. Urges Americans To Grow Lots Of Pubes To Keep Bugs From Crawling In Cockhole https://theonion.com/rfk-jr-urges-americans-to-grow-lots-of-pubes-to-keep-bugs-from-crawling-in-cockhole/

best tv theme song answer too

king ranch edition conservatives are the right’s limousine liberals

No congress, no constitution, and a king. What a way to celebrate 250 years.

Never forget who you’re fighting for.

why are they called the US Olympic Men's Ice Hockey Team and not the Mighty Milkshake Ducks

i deleted twitter/x the day elon invited the nazis back. wasn’t a tough decision. never been back.

As in 🇺🇸, the median voter in 🇨🇦 works in the nontradable services sector, experiences international trade only as a consumer, & likes it because it significantly raises her standard of living. bsky.app/profile/mcop...

the FBI can report with high confidence that savannah guthrie’s mother is not in the USA hockey team’s locker room

fartsmaxxing

an uncrustable is a dumpling

"We owe conspiracy theorists a huge apology" No we fucking don't. They were talking about a secret conspiracy of gay trans Jewish lizard people. The Epstein files uncovered a conspiracy of rich, straight, white, right-wing Christian men, which these motherfuckers never even considered.

rebranding beauty routine as looksmaxxing has these aren’t dolls they’re action figures energy

reflecting on how many cracks i heard about jessie jackson from the adults in my life growing up and coming to terms once again with the fact that the caring people who raised me were also deeply racist

The interview with Talarico has been posted to YouTube: youtu.be/oiTJ7Pz_59A

FBI Announces They Have Located Savannah Guthrie

celebrating white foodways

remember when everyone just took a dump at halftime?

sports betting was cool when you needed underworld connections and kneecaps were on the line. now that any dork can do it, lamesville.

i want a sports bettors betting app where you can wager on which of your friends will lose their house first

No Kings includes Draft Kings

a lot of people who boycott corporations because of their owners shitty politics and labor practices are totally hyped for the super bowl sports is a helluva opiate

I realized that a lot of the guys who have been found in the Epstein files are probably really struggling because the guy they would have gone to for advice about being discovered in the Epstein files was JEFFREY EPSTEIN

i liked everyone involved in the smartless podcast. then i listened to the smartless podcast