ME: pack a bag, we’re flying to kansas MY WAYWARD SON: what kind of bag

Alice asked for Ice Cube's Put Your Back Into It 🥹

A violent attack on my current purse situation

Someone just stopped me to tell me I remind him of Mrs. Frizzle and it was so sweet and so unexpected that I hope to remember this forever

I AM HAVING SUCH A GOOD MORNING

The Dixie Chicks deserve an apology. www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2bn...

Show me the cake(sters)

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Don't question it, of course I would.

The Ritalin is hitalin.

Gotta start using my 11:11 wishes to find the right house for my family. Ding dang this is cOmPeTiTiVe

Just dipped a cool ranch Dorito into leftover Culver's cheese sauce. My apex.

Developing really strong opinions about cheese sauce.

I’m not watching but if it does happen y’all have to notify me immediately.

good morning! we are at $430 to start the day! let’s raise this barn and take care of our community! raising $570 more by this friday will stabilize this neighbor's housing full goal has $2,570 to go V: allisonannecollage paypal.me/allisonannecollage thank you ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 we take care of us!

Gavin Newsom literally looks like he's made out of the same material as Max Headroom.

I'm more Ursula than Medusa

Alice is watching a video about what's funny and how to be funny and my sweet heart is swelling.

Continuing my tour of Chicago's Gastronomic Delights while also missing having all of my kitchen stuff very much.

GIF is short for "God it's Friday"

Oh. It doesn't get any easier dropping your kid off at a new school. /wiping misty eyes and smudging eyeliner

Let's all look at my favorite gif.

If there isn't one already, someone should write a book called The Lasagna Monologues.

Oh no. The bananas foster ice cream I bought is delicious.

What's your eternity outfit? You know, the one you're gonna wear as a ghost. You do not have to wear the outfit you died in.

My coping pizza is perfect for this prompt and I just remembered it. Domino's Pan Pizza with beef, pineapple and extra cheese. God, it's so good and I'm not even sad rn.

The pizza pockets I used to get at school in the 90s. I found one at a convenience store in Othello, WA after high school. I would do anything for a gross right now

Hot dogs and scrambled eggs, called "sausage eggies" by my dad, is still regularly my birthday breakfast of choice.

Vienna sausages will forever remind me of being spoiled by my Grandma Ruth hence I'm a big fan

I wonder how many employees' salaries could be saved with a $7.8 billion tax savings.

this came to me in a dream

Listening to the Ferris Bueller soundtrack while driving to his high school is pretty fun.

I signed up for @allisonanne.com's monthly zine because mail is cool and mail art is even cooler. Take a peek! Maybe you want to sign up too. allisonanne.com

We need to talk more about Paul Reiser's song writing prowess. The My Two Dads song rules.

First I had too much sushi and then I had too many gummi bears and it's a pretty nice lil Friday

Moving from a small town to a real city is, uh, pretty great.

The Jets were also really good on Square One Television.

I don't wanna work. I wanna play Katamari

After moving I miss all of my condiments that were half used up and I couldn't bring with me. I don't even have ketchup!

Ruining new Spinsosaurus on top of everything else. I hate these people so much.

The best time for snacks is whatever time it is right now

HR: What's your complaint? ME: Bill is a giant asshole. HR: Please, I need you to be more formal. ME: Sorry, WILLIAM is a giant asshole.

Just got this text from my teenager

Running With Scissors. Just furious.

I really only like the PT exercises I can do lying down.

It has pockets!

proclaiming kid rock a paragon of good health actually kind of works because laughter is the best medicine

Going from a land with NO delis to a land-o-plenty has been amazing.

My love handles look great today. 👍