His name is Kermit. Be respectful.

who bought all this shit

Caught my first "ay yi yi" from the movers 🫠😬 I have a lot of treasures, okay??

Can I get a read from @editrixbecks.bsky.social on whether this is Rags to Riches

Just thinking about garage sale season, how I do.

Twenty-two years ago my sweet, fluffy, sassy, nap-loving Meatball came to live with me and I've celebrated her gotcha date as her birthday ever since. It's been about a year since she's been gone and she is still part of the daily language of our family. We love you, Meatball.

I know The Mister loves me because he downloaded Beaches.

Two days in a row the local McDonald's has been out of Diet Coke. Please respect my privacy at this time.

This image is sexy and now I need dumplings.

First thunder and lightning in the new house!!

No one will steal your blanket in the night as flagrantly as your own child.

won't someone think of the unborn rooms of the white house

What kind of regular ass weirdo let all their stuff inside this beautiful home?

In all the discussion of a singular "millennial anthem", we all did overlook this particular entry for a particular kind of too-online person.

My children exposed how "i did my best." Both my parents said "one day your kids will act like you and you will see!" They were right. Both of my kids do/have done things that i did growing up. The difference is in the response. So now it's "i did my best." And no, you didn't.

Introduce yourself with ten bands/musicians you've seen live Galactic Tofu Farmers* Dave Matthews Band Flight of the Conchords The Trucks Garth Brooks India.Arie Lady Gaga Chromeo Old 97s Hem *No one has ever heard of them outside my college town but it's my favorite band name of all time

IT IS TODAY OMG WE MADE IT TO TODAY

Changing the college I was going to after paying a non-refundable deposit. When my ex-husband let his foot rot off. Posting a resume, then answering an unknown call in 2005. FFWD to getting laid off after 16 years at that FAANG. A million small moments I can't recall as I pinball through life

this thumbnail looks like a tim and eric sketch

I'm doing that thing where I eat candy instead of packing up the apartment.

I do not actually own this thing I am posting for #ThingThursday, but it's so flipping cool that I would have bought it if I could have afforded it. That's macrame a regular lawn chair frame, and it took me a minute to notice, so I will go ahead and point out that those shapes are Minnesota shapes.

make a show soggy: wife swamp

*cries into a book while eating the third meal of the day which is dandelion greens and dry tulip petals AGAIN*

You may have noticed I disappeared from social media after my launch of @beyondxandy.bsky.social I was violently attacked by a transphobe who recognized me and have been in the hospital and resting If you'd like to help me with my medical bills, please consider donating here: gofund.me/9328f91f2

This is me, I am not built for interesting times

I'm sure Alice is really impressed by the memory The Mister and I have for Ice, Ice Baby lyrics.

Quote with a fictional band that is not Spinal Tap

The one I got for free doing BookIt

Needs more lasagna.

It me.

Juicy Pear is an elite tier Jelly Belly.

Water: Texas Ranger

There's a baker who lives in our temporary apartment building and it is very convenient to have fresh sourdough in the lobby. Is walking by his apartment the best? Yes.

"what's Criss Angel's deal?" -Alice from the back seat

Bong Recreation Area is in a state that doesn't permit recreational cannabis use and that is really dumb.

Leopard print is really having a resurgence and I am here for it.

Alice's favorite SNL bit is Mr. On Blast.

The first one is free, kid

God, I really love Boston's More Than a Feeling. I don't even know why but it jams.

Bologna is just hot dog pancakes and mustard is the syrup

Alice is reading Charlotte's Web in school. Tonight she built Wilbur's pen in Minecraft and showed me what is woven into Charlotte's Web in her version. I think it's her first skeet.

I've been working on like, mind/muscle connection and specifically trying to feel something in my glutes. Then I felt it! I proudly yelled "I got it in my butt!" it's fine it's fine it's fine

hedgehogs and groundhogs do not look like hogs this is hogwash

It feels good that my friends still worry about my soft heart turning hard (it won't) (I still think it's sweet)

Hashtag efficiency rules

Looks like the British navy beat me to the store

Breaking food science news

do i have any ambition at all to do stand up comedy? no. am i always refining my tight five and my library of bits? every day of my life

Y'ALL. I CLOSE IN SEVEN DAYS.

I contain multitudes.