Pretty fucked up that there’s no Thursday Night Football tonight.

He’s going to do it

Can confirm.

the hanseatic league of extraordinary gentlemen

All bodycams are going to do is facilitate a surge in prosecutions for “assaulting agents” and improve data collection about protesters so good work everyone who pushed for that big reform.

ten years ago today no one clapped

Red-shouldered hawk hanging out on my deck.

Sight in San Francisco (from a friend)

The President who shit himself on live tv won’t see your jokes, but your online friends who once had a really rough morning after eating a bunch of salad at a Pizza Hut in Northeast China spent the entire train ride to the North Korean border in a bathroom will.

If you watch the reaction of everyone else in the room, it seems very unlikely that this “sound effect” has been added for comedic purposes. The fact that everyone sprints away like there’s a Sarin leak… I’ve seen enough, our president shit himself in the oval office on live TV.

This is who runs this account

Public executions

It’s Tuesday somewhere

HAPPY BOSTON MOONINITE PANIC DAY TO ALL WHO CELEBRATE

Elon Musk bag lunch when?

i’m tired of opposing nazi ideology on the dozens of flagrantly obvious merits. moving forward i will just fondly remember that adolf hitler killed himself at 56

🚨 NON-NEGOTIABLE: Kidnapped children must have access to youtube kids during the ride to the concentration camp

Man really did the High Five the Drowning Victim meme

New CBS News contributors: Aaron Rodgers, Roseanne Barr, Anton Chigurh, Stephen Miller, Stephen Miller (the other one), Stephen Miller (found a third one), a smokin' hot babe with huge bazongas, Walter White, Tom (not Jerry), big bucket of gravy, Budd Dwyer (deceased), Thomas Chatterton Williams.

Starting to think that public executions is the moderate option.

That’s right!

Seeing people argue about Celsius vs Fahrenheit and which one “makes more sense”. Spoiler alert, the one that makes the most sense is the one where 69 degrees is nice.

For any elected official who needs to hear this, I impart a lesson learned from the NFL: When the other team is tired and on the back foot, you don’t call a timeout so they can catch their breath. You grind their fucking face into the dirt until the final whistle blows and you’ve won the game.

I hope Bovino has packed a bag lunch.

bovino sent back to el centro, California

Tune in to hear Brodie and AJ trade their favorite slurs!

It’s a good thing the bad game was on first

Back to back missed FGs? 7-7 at the half? Ok, I’m listening

Current mood youtu.be/HHKXNB-_eMQ?...

I have a moderate solution for ICE

Ok hear me out

Hey can someone subtract 7 from 220 and add it to 207, I’m not real good at math.

Current mood youtu.be/HHKXNB-_eMQ?...

british guy: i hope americans are ready to be hated lib american reply: i'm so ashamed of my countrymen, i hope that the british don't hate me specifically Hamburglar: i haven't stolen anything since i got sober

OK, I know there is a lot going on, but we all need to take a minute and think about Willie Mays' turquoise Stutz Blackhawk.

I want to emphasize that at this time the unconfirmed reports that President Trump has both arms stuck "elbow deep" in the airplane toilet are just that. We will be monitoring this story. Please be responsible about spreading news that both his arms are "as far as they can go" into the toilet hole.

I’m hearing from sources he shit and pissed himself then changed his clothes and he shit and pissed himself again and then he did it a third time to prove a point so they had to turn the plane around and then he unfortunately he passed away, RIP Mr. President.

Please tell me he died on an airplane toilet

Pray for Mojo

RIP in peace 39 year-old, dead-eyed mouth-breather Carson Beck. He died doing what he loved: losing in the CFP.

I just woke up from a nap and somehow while I was asleep, everyone on the bus has figured out we are not going to the right place