my god its such a pleasure watching this team play hockey

I look at Matt Boldy and I see a houseguest who leaves the bathroom door open when he pees

PK Subban dresses like he’s the paid spokesman for a hypothetical Frank Reynolds branded line of clothing

maybe Minnesota can start Alex Stalock in game 3

every single shithead from the last 25 years spawned from Vancouver. Todd Bertuzzi, Matt Cooke, Max Lapierre, Ryan Kesler, Jarkko Ruutu, just a generational run of jerkoffs. Karma is real, eat shit

Toronto won the draft lottery 45 seconds ago and Gavin McKenna has already had three blowups with the media, two losing seasons, a first round playoff loss to a lower seed, and requested a trade to the Kings

Taylor Hall going to celebrate his overtime goal by going home, turning to page 12, and coloring the picture of Darkwing Duck he’s been saving for a special occasion

he should wear pants

Jackson LaCombe is french for Jackson The Comb

6-9 is still funnier than 6-7, the children are wrong

“Quinn Hughes is the best defenseman in the world”

who wants to sex Mutombo

running out of things to huff

Printing 14 of these so I only need to do laundry once every two weeks

good to see Bill Guerin looking healthier than he has in 15 years

I hope the next time we have to see Jamie Benn’s face it’s because he’s in the Epstein files

lol

another long offseason of foraging in dumpsters and masturbating inside taxicabs for Drew Doughty

every NHL team has a role and the LA Kings’ role is the guy James Bond kills in the men’s room at the beginning of the Daniel Craig version of Casino Royale

2026 NFL coach group photo or 2056 Russini family reunion photo?

Erik Johnson is wearing a suit you’d wear to a party where they were serving bloody marys with slim jims in them

is there anyone in North America better at their job than Cody Ceci’s agent

want to be a fly on the wall when Scott Laughton and Charlie Day find out they have the same father

did Olczyk bet his 401k on the Kings

forgot Anze Kopitar e̶x̶i̶s̶t̶e̶d̶ was retiring at the end of this week

Brian Dumoulin plays defense for a team in the Stanley Cup playoffs in the year 2026

you can tell it’s a big game for the LA Kings because Drew Doughty combed his hair with a taco bell chalupa

penguins flyers series is going to be the cannonball run scene when Jackie Chan and his partner withdraw from the race to stay behind and fight the bikers

the new Hulk Hogan statue is tasteless and reprehensible and the wwe should be ashamed of themselves

this guy’s last name is the word the guy yells at the 1:37 mark of Come Baby Come

Foot By The Foot

rebrand “locker clean out day” to “fuckin losers with the boo boo lip day”

Based on a blend of proprietary metrics and algorithms, here is a list of who the actual NHL award winners should be: HART: Artturi Lehkonen SELKE: Artturi Lehkonen NORRIS: Artturi Lehkonen VEZINA: Artturi Lehkonen

Baby Jessica… you have a lot of well-wishers here tonight,

selling my IP to a nascent AI firm, so when you start seeing me post AI generated images of Jamie Benn eating pizza with his feet and Linda Cardellini replacing Sharon Stone in the interrogation scene from Basic Instinct it wasn’t me, it was them

the penguins biggest offseason need is an assistant coach who looks like this

Printing 14 of these so I only need to do laundry once every two weeks