Ma'am, would you like me to put your takeout coffee in your reusable mug? No. I'm afraid it is where I am keeping the interesting twigs I found in the park.

Mary Shelley: sup fuckers Barker: i think joyce carol oates is about to kill elon Barker: you want in on this, mary? Shelley: naw she's got this

Lovecraft: i don't understand Lovecraft: we're both racist yet Lovecraft: he's the richest man in the world and i have to skip lunch to buy a postage stamp Lovecraft: what does he have that i don't? Lovecraft: Lovecraft: obviously there is a conspiracy of the boofnoggins to blame

It is vital to increase the birth rate to offset the number children that I, as a single childless woman, trap in the oven of my gingerbread cottage in the woods every day

Keir today! Gone tomorrow? Tickets to see my new live show at JonathanPie.com youtu.be/XD0kXDKtW7o?...

“Despite their supposed victory in the Supreme Court last April, anti-trans campaigners like Sex Matters have encountered failure after failure in their attempts to use the law to bully trans people out of public life." And If Sex Matters tries to bring another challenge, we’re ready to fight back.

Fantasy author Brandon Sanderson's wildly popular Cosmere universe — including Mistborn and The Stormlight Archives — has been picked up for movie and TV adaptations at Apple. Read more: www.empireonline.com/movies/news/...

The trailer for Travis Knight’s Masters Of The Universe is here, and with it, Empire breaks down 10 things you need to see in He-Man’s return. Read more: www.empireonline.com/movies...

I came to Minneapolis to report on what's going on, and one of the main questions I showed up with is "just what is the scale of the resistance?" After all, we're all used to the news calling Portland a "war zone" or whatever when it's just some protests in one part of town.

Birds Of Prey scribe Christina Hodson has officially been tapped to write DC Studios' Batman #TheBraveAndTheBold movie. Read more: www.empireonline.com/movies...

I resent so much waking up every morning and having to hear about Americans.

Because... Please sign and remember to confirm your email address. petition.parliament.uk/petitions/73...

O'Brien: ohh! O'Brien: it makes TOTAL sense! O'Brien: yeah he's saying that we're all one with the universe, man O'Brien: the important thing is the universe is EVOLVING, constantly expanding and contracting Shelley: ok see THAT makes sense Shelley: why didn't you explain it like that, edgar? Poe:

Poe: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of eureka Poe: it's actually a scientific meditation on the nature of the universe Barker: is this one of those things where you have to be high to get it Barker: cuz if it is, i want to know now

Jessie Buckley and Christian Bale are undead lovers on the run in the official trailer for #TheBride!, Maggie Gyllenhaal's wildly ambitious 30s Chicago-set riff on The Bride Of Frankenstein. Watch it here: www.empireonline.com/movies...

One out of 12 rams is uninterested in females. Deemed “non-procreative" by farmers, they're typically sent to slaughter. German farmer Michael Stücke rescues the gay rams. His company Rainbow Wool, sells fabulous wool products from his flock of gay sheep. rainbow-wool.com

Sadly, I now have two tickets for the live Empire podcast tonight at @kingsplacelondon.bsky.social available for £15 each. DM or meet at venue. @empiremagazine.bsky.social @chrishewitt.bsky.social @helenlohara.bsky.social @jamescdyer.bsky.social

I would dearly like to return to the pre ass eating era of porn.

Happy Wreath of Khan season to all who celebrate

The first trailer for Christopher Nolan’s #TheOdyssey has arrived. The Oppenheimer director is back, with Matt Damon, Anne Hathaway, Tom Holland, and more taking on the Greek epic. WATCH HERE: www.empireonline.com/movies/news/...

1/n 2 NEW epic images of Phobos over Mars just released by @esa.int Mars Express This view is especially striking, with Phobos between the Tharsis volcanoes and Noctis Labyrinthus–Valles Marineris Full resolution 300MP(!) & info on: flic.kr/p/2rMW4so Credit: ESA/DLR/FUBerlin/AndreaLuck CC BY 🧪🔭

Not many things in life will have you pumping your fist in the air, but watching little Tommy Robinson’s (Stephen Yaxley-Lennon’s) face and bravado drop when he gets called out for his racism and hypocrisy by boxer Ty Mitchell is one of them. This is glorious. 🔥

Americans - take that superfluous "s" that you add to Lego, and put it rightfully onto the end of Maths.

During the chase a man in the cinema told Paddington to "run, you cunt"

The Oxford word of the year should not be two words. "Rage Bait" isn't a word, it's a phrase or saying.

Never wanted the AI bubble to violently explode until now.

AVATAR: FIRE AND ASH - at this point is there a story to tell here or do we just like hanging out on pandora

The Room Next Door - Donald Trump McDonald's Special. Only on YouTube. youtu.be/zdUaw4QMTWg

Just been laughed at by an entire vet’s waiting room when the receptionist loudly welcomed me and ‘ASTEROID DESTROYER!’ to the building. Look guys. She’s even in her space suit. They will be laughing on the other side of their labradors when she RULES THE WORLD!!!! ✊😾 👩‍🚀 ☄️🐈‍⬛

Very sad that I felt I had no choice but to resign from The Infinite Monkey Cage - a victory for the transphobes and other bigots - I did it because so much of the media has chosen to believe the kind and empathetic people are a fiction - they are real and so often unrepresented.

Positive news: the best inventions of the year

I guess it's fitting that it's a reimagined, worse version of someone else's artwork

If handing someone their arse, was a video clip

I just don't need to know what the Telegraph has written about Dungeons & Dragons. It's a newspaper for people who are frightened of samosas.

Brexit has cost each and every one of us £3,700 a year. But instead of solving the problem, Labour are using Brexit as an excuse to raise your taxes. My message ahead of the Budget: Stop blaming Brexit and start fixing it!

Ex-fiancé turned into an anti-vaxxer wanker & conspiracy theory dickhead. He thinks his daughter is unvaccinated. She isn't. I got her vaccinated behind his back before I finally made the right decision to dump him. A child cannot be raised around that kind of stupid bullshit.

Transgender Day of Remembrance - whether you knew the people whose names are being read out personally or not, we are so much poorer for every single life taken. Transphobia is a blight. A gross, miserable, withering weight on everyone it touches.

I've never felt more ashamed of being a Labour supporter. Not even during Iraq, where at least we had cabinet members resigning in disgust. Now: just jostling for position. If I wasn't already turning my back on the party I've backed my whole life, I would be now. #ImmigrantsWelcome #NotInMyName

Asylum seekers, housed in hotels in Manchester, are reaching out in their own words to address the concerns of the local community. Please take a minute to read their letter, & share it with the people in your life who need to hear the truth about the people they are protesting.

I believe people who misuse Tolkien to advance fascism should have a brief but life-changing encounter with World War II–era Christopher Lee

Something it's become unfashionable to say about mental health is that the answer often IS a pill. It doesn't matter how many earnest discussion programmes you have on Radio 4, sometimes the answer is a big old pill.

Sir Kenneth Branagh: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of Sir Kenneth Branagh's Mary Shelley's Frankenstein Branagh: it's the Frankenstein film most to the vision of its original creator Branagh: me, sir Kenneth branagh

Just glad Splatatouille's family can finally have some closure x

I never take a laptop to my local cafe, but always sit at one of the few tables designated for laptop users - that way, there is one less place for those silent, single-coffee-nursing atmosphere vampires.

sorry that the only way i could explain this film was via my current obsession, the blindboy podcast, but I SWEAR is great and the best kind of crowdpleaser

Reader reviews "Brilliant, just brilliant" "You won't be able to put it down" "An astounding first novel" "The tension was almost unbearable." "Brilliant from the first page" "Superb" "Fabulous" "Unputdownable" "A perfect book" ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (Amazon) www.amazon.co.uk/Babys-Breath...

Next guest, Steven Seagal